Should I break up with him? What is the best way to break up with him?

He is my first serious boyfriend and we have been together for over 3 years, so I really care about his feelings and I don't want to hurt him, but for the past five or so months, things have been different between us, at least on my end.

I feel as if I am almost falling out of love with him? Or maybe just thinking that we would be better friends? I'm not entirely sure why it is, but I am feeling as if I don't really see us getting married in the future and I don't see the point in wasting his time and mine if I don't see that future there.

Recently it has been difficult for me to get turned on by him, sexually. It also seems sometimes that hanging out is more of a chore than it should be, and that is unfair to him. There are things about him that I have noticed that are really bothering me, that I guess I never really noticed before, and his opinions on some topics are so polar opposite to mine that it is very difficult to have some conversations without having a mini argument over who is right.

So I guess what I am wondering is if I should just bite the bullet and break up with him, or if I should stick it out and see if things change? If I should break up with him, what would be the best way to? I don't have experience here and I don't know how to approach this situation.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Just tell him how you feel and noticed a bit of change in your relationship. Ask him if he feels the same way and if he is okay with just taking a break and becoming friends, to see how things go.

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What Guys Said 8

  • There's a point in EVERY relationship when the puppy love, fun date nights, and excitement over being together give way to real life. This isn't a bad thing at all. There's no way one can expect the dynamic in month 2 to be exactly the same in year 2 or 3. You need to think back on why you fell in love with this guy in the first place. And what activities/moments were the most fun together. It's possible you're spending TOO much time together...a common occurrence for couples. You have to learn it's okay to have time apart to recharge, or time together doing separate things. As for the sexual difficulties you're having, is it because sex has become a pattern? If so, you'll have to talk with your boyfriend about mixing it up and trying new things. Working on it together will be FUN, trust me! And the little things that bother you about him? Well guess what...I bet the feeling's mutual! And that's okay. "Don't sweat the small stuff" is the best advice for a relationship. The only person you can be with 24/7/365 and not get irritated is yourself!

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  • The main problem the two of you have is that everything grew "normal" - that happens in every relationship. Are there any major issues beside what you mentioned in the text? If not, then it would be time to work on your relationship, both of you!
    Be it, what we call love, or be it sexual attraction or anything else that's normally part of a relationship: It doesn't just naturally come to you, you have to work on it - consistently. Nowadays' people have precisely this one problem when it comes to relationships: They think it's just like in the movies. Having a working relationship is a lot of very hard work sometimes.

    E.g. hanging out is a chore? What do you do when you "hang out"? Do you have any hobbies in common? If yes: good, do those, if not: also good, use the hobby time for yourself (both of you) and find other things to spend time together.

    In the end a relationship is not much more than friendship and still more.
    There's only one thing you can take for granted: it's not going to be easy, with him or anybody else, if you want a lasting relationship.

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  • I would never like to come across moody girls like you. Sorry for the offense..
    Look...you either need space in relationship or you are juat bored of him. It happens in both the sexes.
    Way out?
    Start getting involved with other guys or hangout such that he comes to know about it and he break ups with you.
    If you don't like it then , juat tell him face to face that i dont know why but i do not not wish to be with you any more and i don't want to be unfair to you. O don't know why is it so but i realize that we are not for each other...pkease understand me..'

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  • Sounds like you have fallen out of a love a bit. To key to lasting love is to keep falling in love over and over again. If you can't see yourself doing that with him, then maybe it is time to move on. Before just dumping him out of the blue, you owe to each other to try and rekindle the spark. See what happens, work on it, and be honest.

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    • "Falling in love over and over again" is never going to happen... Scientifically speaking "falling in love" is caused by the pheromones indicating that a partner would fit (e.g. as T. Perper writes in "Sex Signals: The Biology of Love", even though that's a bit too "cold" and by now also dated). This happens once for a time of max. 24 months, then it's gone - forever.
      What you probably mean is working on loving each other - something we can willingly control to a certain degree (e.g. grudge can be overcome if we want to). Love is what can follow "having fallen in love" but it needs work, it's never just happening.

    • Using 1 book, while an empirical study, by someone who doesn't even have a PhD is a not a good argument. Especially when we have centuries of history proving humans can be both monogamous and not monogamous. If we can't have deep meaningful relationships with our significant others, then how can we have them with family and friends?

  • Everything you just mentioned here, you should mention it to him.

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  • I'm not even going to read the question before I tell you that couples only break up for one reason:Boredom... Yes getting bored is the only reason... Find a way to spice it up

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    • Not really... I'd say over 90% of the couples I counselled were on the brink of breaking up due to serious issues and not "boredom".

  • Talk to him first

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  • Whatever you decide to do you'll eventually regret and then you'll get over it and move on. To me it's sounds like you've got a bad case of overthinking stuff. There's this big myth going around our society that happy couples are always attracted to each other all of the time and that there's never a dull moment. There is. There's lots of them. But try to stop and look at the positives for a second. Are there any fun things you've done lately? Is there anything he's done to impress you? Even the tiniest amount because the problem isn't the relationship but how you're evaluating it. You're no longer satisfied. So answer A is leave go find someone else and go through the same thing again because it will inevitably happen or B. try and rekindle the spark in you by focusing on the good things. You can't predict the future. Maybe this is a full downward spiral or just a small slump in a great relationship. Do what you want you'll eventually end up doing just fine.

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