Why do girls "flip a switch" so easily? Guys can't do that!

It seems like girls are able to suddenly and dramatically change their feelings toward a guy. I've dated multiple girls who acted like or flat-out told me I was the best thing that ever happened to them, but within a matter of a couple weeks "flipped a switch" and were done. My other friends have experienced the same thing. Why and how do girls do this?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I have had this happen to me twice. Both times the girls previous relationship has been abusive. They get to a point where the feelings scare them, they feel vulnerable and can't deal with that.

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    • Yeah, that's what I think happened with the last girl I dated. She literally told me I was "perfect for her" and then ended things two weeks later. Early on she told me she's had her heart broken by two different guys and it's difficult for her to trust people. Sounds like it's more common than I thought.

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    • Well I tried to, but I think her feelings dissipated after she "got in her own way" for too long. She knew full well how I felt about her.

    • Ok.. but what these girls need is patience, the one I like knowwwwwss Ilove her to bits BUT, she can't see why, she is not worthy. She becomes suspicious and up go's the great wall of China

What Girls Said 15

  • You clearly don't know guys like we do. You have no idea how many guys also "flip a switch". In fact this is the most common problem I've had with men in the past, and so did my friends too. So men do this too. You just don't realize it cause you're not the one dating them. People do this when they are not ready for commitment, realize they don't have feelings for you or just want to have fun but sense that you're falling in too deep and therefor need to create distance. It's not a gender issue. It's a personality issue.

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    • Well I'm sorry to hear about guys doing that! You'd think the fact I'm different would make it easier, haha. Your perspectives all seem reasonable and right, though. With the last girl I dated, she admitted getting "swept away* initially. She told me I was perfect for her multiple times, for instance. Because I was really interested it made me feel comfortable reciprocating. I think the switch flipped at that point because she realized her feelings weren't quite what she thought. Or it was just too much for her. It's not all on her whatsoever, though it felt a little like she made a bed but didn't want to lay in it. There could be other reasons, but the timing was too close to merely be coincidence.

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    • First things first...there's no reason to categorize previous relationships or dating situations as failures. That implies you were the sole reason it didn't work out, and that will undeservedly hurt your self-esteem and self-confidence. It takes two people to make a relationship work or not work. And if it doesn't work, it's because it wasn't meant to be. You have a lot to offer, but not everyone is the perfect fit for you! Our tendency is to immediately focus on what we feel we did wrong, but it's not that complicated. In your case, it's good you've learned about your tendency to go "all in" right away. I have the same tendency, actually! While we make a point to work on that, we also need to find someone who isn't scared off by it. Trust me...if the person likes you they won't mind so much :) You just have to make sure you don't go overboard. Trust your gut...if you feel like it's too much, it probably is!

    • RabbitHeart...what you wrote makes a lot of sense. To me, if there's a quick and drastic change in feelings I immediately think they didn't mean what they said in the first place. And that definitely is the personality issue you mentioned. It's immaturity. I don't mean that in a negative way, just as fact.

  • They didn't flip just like that. It took them a couple of weeks. But that's what dating is! It's getting to know someone and seeing if they're right for you. They liked you but then something happened to make them change their minds. That's perfectly normal. If it wasn't , we would all be married to the first person we ever went on a day with

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    • I definitely agree with you in principle. Everyone has a right to change their minds or come to how they truly feel. And that does take some time. I certainly am not the right guy for most people, haha! The last girl I dated told me I was perfect multiple times. Two weeks later she ended things, but absolutely nothing weird/bad/different happened to provoke it. A little strange, right?

  • Hmmm... Might be insecure, feel like they aren't getting reassured/cemented in the relationship enough. Or could be plain fickle.

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    • In my experiences I definitely think insecurity has been a factor. I'm a very stable and secure person. My female friends think insecure girls are attracted to me because of that, but when push comes to shove aren't able to feel comfortable since they aren't really comfortable with themselves.

    • Yup... it would help if you reassured her more often, made her feel loved...but if you don't want to do that, then it's best you find someone who is more secure with herself.

    • Well I have no problem telling a girl how I feel, complimenting her, etc. Sometimes it feels like I do it too much, actually. But in general you're absolutely right that I need to be with someone secure. We all have our moments, of course, but that's what you lean on your significant other for!

  • IDK! We are more complicated than guys. I really don't drop guys like that but sometimes they read too much into the relationship.
    If girls don't want to have sex with a guy it rarely means they don't like them.
    That's a two way street though, meaning if some guy doesn't want sex from us we are all freaking out. LLOL! It is true.

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  • Could be something you're doing and then they aren't discussing it or telling you so then the switch flips. I say it happens mostly when a girl thinks a guy is insincere with her.

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    • and guys do it, too! Be all over a girl then suddenly disappear without telling her why, so both sexes do this.

    • Well your first sentence could be the case. It could simply be they sense the guy has stronger feelings, and they just aren't ready for or interested in something serious. That's more likely the case in my experiences. I can say with 100% certainty it's not because I'm insincere!

  • Because I feel like the girls are either confused, playing you, or are getting a bad vibe from you. But to be honest, a lot of girls just like the attention.

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    • I know for sure I don't give off a bad vibe, haha. But I do agree about the attention factor. Those girls get a "high" from the initial attraction and attention, but just like with a drug that high wears off. So they have to find the next person to provide that fix. Maybe some guys do that as well, but either way it's an inability to let your guard down and actually get close to someone. It'll be hard to find a substantive relationship without addressing it.

  • I so totally agree with XRabbitHeartX, on this. You guys can go from "I love you , you are the most beautiful, sexy thing etc..." to completely ignoring us as if we never meant shit to you. we must be learning it from you, guys.

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    • I'm sorry anyone has treated you that way. I'm sure you didn't deserve it, but those guys aren't mature enough to handle you anyway! I think anyone who talks about you like you're the best thing ever and then runs away has issues with being "real". It's a lack of self-esteem. I think that's what happened in my last situation.

  • some girls are very emotional and when hormones kick in they can flip a swich

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  • Because we are sensitive, insecure and we psychoanalyze things .

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  • Probably did something we didn't like. offended us .we saw u doing something gross .saw u flirting with a girl. Start liking another guy . U acting like a jerk

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  • Natural

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  • as a girl, we go through things with other people. just because we're mad and putting it all on you guys, doesn't mean we're mad at you, we just trust you with our info. a lot of girls talk, maybe she heard something she didn't want to know about you. or you didn't take "the hint" and she got mad and left you.

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  • We can't.after a breakup we are messes you know the cliche if girls watching romance movie bawling and eating tubs of ice cream after a breakup. It's true. If we date right after, they are our rebounds. We want to feel lived agai. We act like we're over it but really are torn up inside. Even if we do the breaking up.

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  • It could be the guy is playing games, not following through on things they say. Some guys get shadey, others pull back more than likely it's because, the lack of communication. Or making empty promises. When a woman suddenly, well you think it suddenly cause some guys don't pay attention when a woman talks it's always looked at like she's nagging. But, when she have enough of the unsure behavior, or whatever I'm sure she expressed it's to late. We blow up and now don't wanna be bothered, we get upset talking about the same problem over and over. Why is it you guys don't seem to get it until then? Until we blow up and want to be Done, why is it you men don't get it or do something to change until after the fact?

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  • We are girls, we change our minds like we change underwear! It's hard for us to make up our mind and stay with it! But boy when we do make up our minds, you aren't changing it no matter what.

    Also, some of it may come from the fact that we know we can do it and get away with it. 😩

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What Guys Said 5

  • It's not girl specific, it's probably just infatuation.

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  • It can be any number of reasons. It could have been a crush, and infatuation, or she may have just enjoyed the attention she was getting.

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    • In hindsight I think it was unfortunately a combination of all three. That stuff is easier to see in hindsight, of course. However...it should have been a small red flag that the girl was supposedly so into me right away. Something I need to be more cautious of for the next person.

  • You're dating party girls with short attention spans.

    Don't.

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    • Hahaha...you may well be right. I think people with overly social lives don't allow themselves to focus on any one thing for long enough. That makes it awfully difficult to commit to a person!

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    • I need a girl who is secure but has no social life. Kidding!

    • I have one of those. But she's not hot. So she's friendzoned.

  • the girl im currently into, is on her you know what. she's not mad at me, she's just cranky because she's in pain. dont let their mood swings get to you

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  • Guys do this too but id say it has more to do with people on the rebound or people that dont know what they want.

    I had a girl rebound on me last summer and it was shitty because we had a ton in common and she was gorgeous as well. First week she worshipped the ground i walked on then the next week she wanted nothing to do with me and left as if nothing happened between us without saying anything. Never date a newly single person. It will mess with your head especially if you dont know going in.

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