He loves me but says he needs space?

I met this guy about a year ago & half ago & we've been pretty good friends. This year around New Year's we began "flirting" I suppose, he came onto me then I eventually started to like him back. We were friends for so long so it just seemed meant to be since I've always been the type to jump into relationships.

Anyways, we went on a date & it went extremely well, as did every other time we saw each other afterwards. We spent the night together a few times, may seem a bit fast but we were just already so comfortable with each other from the year we were just friends.

After about a month, he told me he wasn't sure he was mature enough to be in a relationship but that he's in love with me & that I am the only thing that makes him happy. I was sad to hear this, what made it even worse was that it was over text. He admitted it was very lame of him to do it over text but that he just had to get it off his chest or else he felt like he was lying to me about something. This came as quite a shock, however, as the night before he had told me how much he loved me.

We agreed to see each other again, but it didn't go too well. He was crying, I was crying, it was just not a good time. He explained that he loves me & I make him happy but he just needed space & time to think. I wasn't sure why though, because if he loves me why would he want to be apart from me?

Knowing him for a year, he's definitely not the type to lie about something. I asked him if he wanted to stop seeing me & he said no, he loves me & he wouldn't be just saying that if he didn't truly feel that way. He assured me there's nobody else in the picture, he just needs time to think about us.

Yesterday morning, I texted him that I love him & I'm always thinking about him, but that if space is what he needs then that's what I'll give him. He said alright, & we haven't talked since. I'm just waiting for him to contact me first at this point...

Any advice? We're both 19/m/gay.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I was in something similar a while ago, although I was pretty young. I was 17 years old, he was 20. We were friends for long time and eventually started dating. He would always tell me how much he wanted to be with me and so on. Honestly I believed him and I think he was being truly honest with me. The problem was though that he was not ready for a relationship but not ready to give up on me either. It was hard, but I had to stop it. It was a waste of mine time. He would come back and then leave again. Always same speech. I pulled myself together and said that either we give this a try or not. Just as I thought he couldn't give me an answer. I also think that he assumed that I probably always would be there and therefore wanted to delay the relationship. Try giving him space and be a bit distant. Continue with your life. Tell him when he is completely ready he can come back.

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    • Thanks for sharing. I'm not ready for a relationship either, I'm still trying to get all my stuff done. Getting a license, finding employment, registering for school, etc. Like, I can date right now, that's fine. But if we're both not ready for a relationship I just think that okay, let's continue dating & grow as people together & at times when we're doing our own thing just know that the other is always there & when everything's settled to be together. But, I still haven't talked to him yet so I don't know. I told him I'll always be here, but I just really don't know anymore. May I ask what the end result was between you & your guy?

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    • Yeah, I told him that & everything else I feel already in the most precise way I possibly can. Honestly, I really do love him & it's so hard for me to describe in words how I feel about him because there's just no words powerful enough. Cheesy, I know, but I'm just giving him space now. I'm always going to be loving & friendly but depending on what he says next time we talk will determine everything, I guess.

      Sorry things ended. A year is a long time. But that's good, don't let yourself be a rebound or anything. :) I made it clear I don't want him to see anybody else because if he does I would leave for good. He always told me that I'm the most perfect guy & he wouldn't do anything to mess that up, so I'm just going off of that. If he loves me as much as he says he does, then I'm sure he'll keep his word.

    • You are right, if he loves you he will keep his word. And a good thing you guys had that talk. I just assumed that we weren't going to see anyone else. Stupid assumption apparently. It looks like you know what to do now, I hope it all ends well :) just remember to be good to yourself too, love isn't suppose to hurt too much. If it gets to painful sometimes it's better to just let it go. All the best from me :)

What Girls Said 4

  • From what I know when someone says they need some spaces and time they actually about to back off.

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    • He told me needed space a week ago, but continued to text me saying things like "I love you so much" & "you complete me, I want to see you again." so I don't think that he's going to leave... or else he would have already. He did mention that I didn't give him space that he asked for yesterday, but he kept texting too, so I don't think it's my fault. So yesterday I just said I'll give him his space then & now here I am.

    • Just thought I'd update this. But we're actually together now. It seemed to all just be temporary unsureness & whatnot, but things are great with him now. We broke up for 3 days, then he came back so I guess the silence on my end really did pay off. Thanks for your help. :)

  • Love isn't supposed to be this hard or this SAD. This is a DRAG. He's throwing a pitty party for himself and his emotions. I would move on. Nobody should have to deal with this. It's hardly gotten off the ground and he's already pulling this.

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  • Try women.

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    • Goodness. This is a stupid advice. Women are not less complicated.

    • l chil butthurts

  • Stop waiting for him and get on with your life.

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    • I wish it were that easy, but we really connect with each other. More than I've ever connected with somebody before. Like, usually I'll connect with somebody in one department but like with him it's everything. The compatibility is crazy.

What Guys Said 1

  • Have a think... what's more important, him? or you? ... if the former, I would seriously consider taking a long break from dating. If the latter, I would give him what he wants.

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