How good is the poem for you?

From 0 to 10: 0,1,2: really bad-3,4,5: regular- 6,7,8: great -9,10: really good

0-2: really bad

3-5: regular

6-8: great

9-10: really good

Sands of Time

Mortality flows in hourglasses
with a hymn of a beginning and an end.
It spread into the existence of life
And carry it to fatality.

Conscious minds Incline
To lock mortality with denial,
And when leafs dye
Within them there are Inner trials.

Life seems like a particle
In hourglasses; living beings staddle,
And In cycle’s mortality shatter
Covered by the sands of time.

  • 0-2: really bad
    20% (1)33% (1)25% (2)Vote
  • 3-5: regular
    20% (1)33% (1)25% (2)Vote
  • 6-8: great
    60% (3)34% (1)50% (4)Vote
  • 9-10: really good
    0% (0)0% (0)0% (0)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Girl

  • *carried? Carry doesn't work.
    *leaves
    *dye
    Did you mean to write staddle or straddle? The poem doesn't really make sense to me. I would say stick with a theme if you are using metaphor, there is no other references to nature so the leaf sounds out of place and thrown in. You have sand and time and hourglasses and particles, they all go well, that leaf seems really out of place.

    Also, make sure the words are not capitalised, it really doesn't help with the flow of the poem when words that shouldn't have a capital have one.

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    • xD I never did worked that hard on the poem, now that you mention it I gotta check it over. The word staddle I use in reference to a "supporting base".

      The Free Dictionaty: Stadle: (Agriculture) a support or prop, esp a low flat-topped stone structure for supporting hay or corn stacks about two feet above ground level

    • Show All
    • I find haiku's are easy to write in other languages, try doing some in English.

    • Maybe I should start whit haiku's.

Most Helpful Guy

  • Your English is not good enough to try writing poetry in it. You should stay with your native language.

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    • English might not be my first language, that doesn't mean I'll just write in my own language. Master make the practice.

    • Practice make the master. ...

What Girls Said 1

  • Incline, Inner... I don't get it. Is it supposed to be related to the Symbolism movement?

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    • I think it's related to mortality,

    • Show All
    • So your you writing about mortality Isn't interesting.

    • for you**

What Guys Said 0

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