From 0 to 10: 0,1,2: really bad-3,4,5: regular- 6,7,8: great -9,10: really good
0-2: really bad
9-10: really good
Sands of Time
Mortality flows in hourglasses
with a hymn of a beginning and an end.
It spread into the existence of life
And carry it to fatality.
Conscious minds Incline
To lock mortality with denial,
And when leafs dye
Within them there are Inner trials.
Life seems like a particle
In hourglasses; living beings staddle,
And In cycle’s mortality shatter
Covered by the sands of time.
- 0-2: really bad20% (1)33% (1)25% (2)Vote
- 3-5: regular20% (1)33% (1)25% (2)Vote
- 6-8: great60% (3)34% (1)50% (4)Vote
- 9-10: really good0% (0)0% (0)0% (0)Vote
Most Helpful Girl
*carried? Carry doesn't work.
Did you mean to write staddle or straddle? The poem doesn't really make sense to me. I would say stick with a theme if you are using metaphor, there is no other references to nature so the leaf sounds out of place and thrown in. You have sand and time and hourglasses and particles, they all go well, that leaf seems really out of place.
Also, make sure the words are not capitalised, it really doesn't help with the flow of the poem when words that shouldn't have a capital have one.0
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