Is this a good poem? I wrote it? Needs editing but is it overall good?

Because it was the second you touched me
Grabbed me
That I became mesmerized
Electrified
I was yours the moment you said my name
Entangled in your sweet lies
Through your clenched jaw and tight fists
You used to have this look in your eyes
And I swear I saw fear
I always wondered what you were most afraid of
I remember the last time I saw you you kissed my cheek
You held me and you looked in my eyes
I remember watching sunrises with you while you talked about your ex wife
You said I reminded you of her
You used to have this way of looking at people
And you'd pick them apart
Mechanically you'd analyze them and wonder who they were
I noticed the way you drank your coffee and read the paper
I remember how you used to clench your firsts when you were upset
And how fast you walked
We talked but we weren't close
You were distant with me
I remember being held at arms length
You used to hug me around my waist
And I swear when I looked in your eyes I saw lust
You told me about how you were afraid of being forgotten
And sometimes
Me
I remember watching you talk to your other lovers
And I remember most the day I left
When You unclenched your fists
And I looked In your eyes
I think you were sad
You never said much the day I left
I think you were disappointed
You didn't believe in love or fairytales
You were more realistic
You had a firm steady look in your eyes
I remember you'd get angry and you'd talk very loud
But you'd lower your voice around me
And when I left and I wrote you
You said that you wouldn't be jealous if I slept with other men
You just didn't want to hear about it
I loved you like a man I could never touch
And a man I could never know
And in your phone call I knew you were nervous
And when you stopped writing I wrote more poems fo

Updates:
more poems for you
And i pined for you playing out scenarios or us touching in my head
You said more to me after I left
And I knew you didn't want to say it but you wish I was there sleeping in your bed
I reminded you of your ex wife
And you loved me only in a way you could love someone you couldn't touch or see
So we wrote from sunrise to sundown
And I knew you didn't want to say it
But you were waiting for me to stop writing or for it to end
I used to tell you I wanted to
Okay never mind the character limit is a piece of shit and I can't post the rest ****** ignore

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I wasn't expecting a poem this good.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • It's really good, you should go publish this!

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What Guys Said 0

The only opinion from guys was selected the Most Helpful Opinion!

What Girls Said 1

  • To be honest, I didn't really like it.
    I found it hard to follow and the beat of it was a little off and the subject jumps all over place. I think it would have been better if it followed a specific subject and flowed nicer.

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