How good is this poem?

it was bright, the sun glare dazed,

the flowers blossomed with the

blissful chirping of the little birds

they sung of the story of the princess

how she was caught in the net of love

trapped, but the exquisiteness of love

was not forgotten to describe

it made her life worthy, they said

but why didn’t they mention of the unbearable

pain she felt, love was exquisite they said but

they never mentioned of the cost of love

it can tear you, break you and let you live

drowned in regret, yearning and pain only

they said being in love is worthy but they never said

of how worthless you feel after deserted

how it makes you feel as cold as the white snow,

how dead you feel, how bare you feel

As you are ripped of the one thing

You can’t live without

heart.

You feel as bare as the cold tree with its leaves shed

in winter.

Like the trees in autumn, you shed leaves

leaves of past, of the lost love and dreams

you realize that it is necessary to start new

if not shed ever, you will never live

you will never learn

that it is a part of this cycle you are in

and it won’t stop till the last bit of air you respire.

you realize that nothing is as audacious as life is

and that it’s all in exploring the amazing, varied kinds of

emotions you possess.

Updates:
opinions pleasee

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I will give you my honest opinion. It is alright, but you have a lot of room for improvement. Maybe this is just my personal taste, but I like when poems are a lot more subtle; when you have to think about it and figure it out, and when they can be interpreted in many ways. That's ok if you prefer to be more straightforward, I just feel it is more artistic the other way. I think you should try adding more techniques like metaphors, similes, personification, juxtaposition, etc.
    A few lines which I like in your poem:
    "how it makes you feel as cold as the white snow"
    "You feel as bare as the cold tree with its leaves shed"
    I think these are good similes. Work on these techniques and you will get a lot better.

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    • Thanks! I'll work on it

What Guys Said 11

  • I liked it - Good to see you completing the cycle and starting again

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  • It has content but no rhyme, dear girl, all you need is vocabulary and knack to use it. I'm sure you'll be writing nice ones.

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    • thanks, i'll improve :) but is rhyme necessary to write poems?

    • Yeah, its called free verse poetry. But I'd still practice rhyme. It makes the poem lively.

  • I like it and it's fun that you write poems
    Bit long though, but I like it

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  • Poerty is very subjective. I liked it. Good job

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  • It's good in general and I really enjoyed the last part

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  • it's pretty good

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  • I don't really like it to be honest, a little juvenile for my liking...

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    • I'm no Wordsworth so.. :D

  • It's not a poem. It lacks structure, meter and rhyme. It is a piece of prose. It is also overly melodramatic and full of standard teen angst.

    For your age, it is quite good. But it shows none of the rewrite or complexity of a working poet. I'd lay good money that you wrote it all in one emotion filled draft.

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    • it's just more of a hobby of mine. Also I write rarely. Thanks for the opinion though

  • I am German, therefore I generally dislike most English poems a normal person would write, considering how much more possibilities my language has.
    Even just that your verses are inconsistent and end after words like "the" or "of" makes me sad, considering a break after a word like that doesn't make much sense.

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    • This is just a hobby of mine. I'll try and improve :)

  • It's pretty good. I can tell the writers young but I can also tell a lot of effort was put into the imagery and conveying a specific theme. There's clear direction and purpose here. Hopefully the author will keep writing. Who knows what they might write.

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  • nothing that will stay in history. it will be forgotten in a week or so.

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What Girls Said 6

  • Whoa, it seems very good to me! I love the way you it starts all happy with the birds singing, then gets sadder and sadder. Also, how you described emotions by comparing them with elements of nature. Very meaningful, good job! 😊

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  • A prose poem. This is very good. I like the metaphors and personification and other devices you used to give it life. I write poetry too but I tend to rhyme more. Great work !

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  • I liked the last part particularly. Good job

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  • Very very nice

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  • It's a good poem, but keep improving :)

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  • You used exquisite twice right by each other to make the same statement, was that intentional repetition?

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    • That's the thing that bothers me, other than that nothing stands out it's an okay poem. From one poet to the other, its is important to remember there is always room for improvement and its MOST important that every single choice you make must be intentional and most choices must serve a specific purpose.

    • yeah i'm improving :)

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