How would you write this scene?

So the main character, Eris, hears an intruder so she hides herself. The guy comes around the corner and she hits him with a wrench, it hits his arm and knocks him over (kind of like that scene in Clock work angel). It's set in this big place, the rooms are small and there's a lot of pipes and steam (like the boiler room in soirited away).
So how would you go about writing that scene. And don't worry I won't steal you're writing!!!


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Never actually say that she is scared, instead describe the scene in such a way that it is an understood (say it without saying it). Definitely highlight the suspense. Focus on the noise and why this particular noise is reason for alarm. Don't be afraid to use silence as well, use it to build up the suspense. Describe the fear in her eyes as all she can do is wait, while she hears the footsteps slowly moving closer or hears nothing at all. Basically try to imagine yourself as the character and walk through what your thoughts would be and how that would look from a outside point of view. Depending on the perspective you're going for, you could do internal dialogue of the thoughts racing through her mind.

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