Hookers are classified like publicly traded stocks: Blue Chips are considered the top-of-the-line hooker, zee crème de la crème. They are usually struggling young models or exceptionally beautiful college girls in desperate need of tuition or designer clothing, and for a few thousand dollars they would do almost anything imaginable, either to you or to each other. Next came the NASDAQs, who are one step down from the Blue Chips. They're priced between three and five hundred dollars and made you wear a condom unless you gave them a hefty tip, which I always do. Then comes the Pink Sheet hookers, who were the lowest form of all, usually a streetwalker or the sort of low-class hooker who shows up in response to a desperate late-night phone call to a number in Screw magazine or the yellow pages. They usually cost a hundred dollars or less, and if you didn’t wear a condom, you’d get a penicillin shot the next day and then pray that your dick didn’t fall off. Anyway, the Blue Chips takecredit cards, so what was wrong with writing them off on your taxes? After all, the IRS knew about this sort of stuff, didn’t they? In fact, back in the good old days, when getting blasted over lunch was considered normal corporate behavior, the IRS referred to these types of expenses as three-martini lunches! They even had an accounting term for it: It was called T and E, which stood for Travel and Entertainment. All I’d done was taken the small liberty of moving things to their logical conclusion, changing T and E to T and A: Tits and Ass!