I wrote this quickly, I'm not too keen on it. What do you think?

www.wattpad.com/365409675-short-stories-playing-at-the-park

I only wrote it quickly so it may have mistakes in (sorry if it does). It's not that good but opinions are welcome 😊


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Most Helpful Guy

  • in my opinion it would be better if you wrote it more metaphorically rather than so literally. A short example: I stared into the ocean that was his blue eyes. He pulled me closer to him with a force like that of a raging thunderstorm. The tension in the air was so thick that you cut cut it with a knife. He slowly ran his hands down my body like a snake slithering down a tree stalking it's prey. Getting closer and closer... until he finally got to my pussy. He rubbed and stroked my clit with his rugged hands until I was so wet that you could smell the sex in the air... etc. Maybe that was shit I don't know LOL

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Most Helpful Girl

  • its actually not that bad, pretty arousing but you still need to work on creating the atmosphere

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    • I only wrote it in like 10 mins lol, most other stuff I write are more detail and have more of a build up and story. The stuff I publish I take more time on and write it better. The short ones I tend to write for people who request them

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    • fair enough :) to be honest I would probably get aroused by reading a slightly longer and detailed one ;) good luck with your writing :) just focus on details, this is what makes the situation erotic :D

    • thanks :)

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What Guys Said 4

  • The short excerpt have engaging narration. But what it clearly lacked was floridity in language. You see when someone reads an author works. It is a clear invitation of a trip in one's imagination and wouldn't you want people to come back for the roller coaster ride

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  • I'm I going to regret reading it like your first one?

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    • It was actually a nice quick sex story. I kind of found it lacking in details though. The story was as quick as their sex session.
      O thanks for reminding me I need to type up my story and message it to you or make an account on that site.

  • better than slitting a guys throat

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  • It was a good written

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What Girls Said 2

  • Too literal for my taste. It wasn't bad but it would've been better with metaphors/similes, euphemisms, and other literary devices. But personally I didn't like it too much.

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  • Nice i like erotic stories

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