I need closure! I'm going crazy... please help.
I will try to keep this short. I dated this guy for almost a year, I was 18 he was 19. We started with sex and later he asked me to be his girlfriend. We had sex all the time, it was really good, but it happened so fast, I became so emotionally attached... but started to have feelings like he was using me and didn't love me (he has never told me he loved me) the thing is he did things to make it seem like he did care about me, like introducing me to his friends and his parents(his mom even gave me a Christmas gift!). We would do bf&gf type stuff, cuddled, watch movies, lay on the grass and watch the stars, go to the beach . Towards the end of the relationship, he become more and more emotionally distant and it was just about the sex, I started cheating on him and never told him, eventually I broke up with him... He took it really hard and tried to get me back multiple times, he showed up to my house nearly in tears.. I never thought he would have reacted that way! I thought he wouldn't even care! I am 20 now, in the years we've been broken up we met up a few times both confessing we really missed each other, we would have sex right away, but I would always be the one to stop seeing him... I can't really say why, it was just too painful, I have panic attacks sometimes when I think about him... Like right now... I feel so sick.. I want to be with him but I don't think he even cares about me anymore... When we were together his ex used to drunk text him, it drove me crazy I would feel so jealous... I never truly trusted him... I feel like contacting him again but that will probably just bring me into a deeper hole... Why does he do this to me? He always asks to meet up when I text him and then we have sex then I feel like sh*t... he doesn't love me, why can't I get that through my head and move on...sometimes I feel like I'd do anything to be with him again... someone please help :(
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