Why is my boyfriend a jerk?

so my story is kind of complicated I married when I was young and separated I had 2 children and was 8 weeks pregnant for the 3ed when I left my husband, when the baby was 2 months old I met my current boyfriend we have been together 3 ½ years and have a 15 month old daughter together. When we first got together he loved spending time with me and my children my 3ed child is very fond of my current boyfriend so I am kind of stuck as to what to do…..now it looks like my boyfriend only wants to hang out with his friends and it seems like he could care less if he goes 5 straight days without seeing my or the children but only at bedtime….we used to be very adamant that we all sat down at the table to eat and we both shared the responsibilities of the house hold chores….now he don’t clean anything and I'm alone doing everything with all of the kids I have told him how I felt plenty of times demanded, begged and bargained that things change or else…things may change for a week or so but always go back to the norm broken home….we don’t fight in front of the kids and they don’t see me cry however, I’m sure they can sense some tension…..when he gets angry with ANYBODY else he will come home and take it out on me or he’ll text me while I’m working with all this bull crap….he calls me horrible names he tells me that I am a fat no good wh0re (I am 5-5 and 130lbs) I just really feel like he hates me and don’t care for me like his friends are more important and he like to say “oh well” when I tell em how I feel….i have tried kicking him out plenty of times but then after he leaves he starts crying and saying sorry for all the bad things he’s done….is that because he loves me or he’s just too coward to make it on his own? What gives?


Most Helpful Girl

  • He's a coward. He wants to do what he wants, when he wants and say the things he wants, and then put on a show when he thinks he'll really lose everything. In the back of his mind he knows you will take him back and forgive him so there is no incentive to change. You can do MUCH better. I understand that the situation is much more difficult because of the children, but you don't want your kids to have a role model like him. They need to see a man in your life that treats you well and helps out so they know what to look up to for their own relationships. Plus, kids really do feel when something is wrong. I'm sure they already know that things aren't completely right between the two of you and that can put stress on them.

    Dump him. Plain and simple. You've literally tried everything so there will be no need to sit and wonder "I should've done this, I should've said that." You've done everything you possibly can do and he's decided not to change for you or the kids. He's going to continue to cry and apologizing because he knows it pulls at your heartstrings so he can get what he wants. But he's a coward. If he *really* felt that bad about it, he'd be changing. So remind yourself of that when he starts crying again after you kick him out. I know it's hard but it'll be worth it. Men who want to change, would've changed by now. Good luck!


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What Guys Said 1

  • He does love you. That's why he comes back, if he didn't he wouldn't come back. Another thing, you need to stop telling him don't go chill with your friends. Its reverse psycology that a lot of girls don't get. When you tell some1 don't do that, they go do it right? so don't bug him about it, he will start to wonder why your not on his case. Try it. See what happens

    • Lol that's odd you say not to tell em to go hang out with his friends becuase I actually do like 9 out of 10 times he asks I say yea go ahead, or you deserve it, or something like that

What Girls Said 1

  • Ok. Sounds like a classic case of an abusive relationship to me. DUMP HIM! Your kids will be better off without such a bad influence in their lives, and you'll be a hell of a lot happier. I know it sounds bad, but if he's really making you so unhappy and isn't giving you any support then it's what's best for you and your kids.

    If you're worried about being on your own, then maybe you could get a friend to move in with you for a while, or a sibling, or a parent (I know that doesn't sound particularly appealing but it'd really help, even if it was just for a while). They'd help you adjust and be the person you can talk to when you REALLY need someone. Good luck xx

    • Thank you all....i have a lot of thinking to do because my brain says 1 thing and my heart says another and I know I know how can you love someone that does these things.....i have no clue how I still could .......im not worried about being alone physicaly or financialy I am fine in both ways