My parents hate my boyfriend. How do I change that?

Okay, I am white and I'm dating a mixed guy. We have been together 7 months now and I have fallen in love with him. He's so unbelievably sweet and caring and it looks like we'll be together for a while.

But my parents are I guess what you could call old fashioned. They hate the idea that I'm dating someone outside of my race. Is there anything I could do to make them see that I'm happy and wish that they'd approve? I've tried telling them that but they just don't understand. I need help!


Most Helpful Girl

  • This is a tricky situation. Quite frankly, if this is indeed about race, there is nothing you can do. But I would NOT break up with your guy because your parents didn't like him for the color of his skin. It's dumb. They should be more concerned that he's treating you right rather than what he looks like.

    I was in a scenario like this in high school, where this guys mom didn't want us dating because she was afraid of what the PUBLIC would think and say about us. But we lived in Key West, Florida. Crock of shit, I wasnt stupid, and to this day I'm shocked that she thought I WAS that stupid.

    I'm sorry but this is the 21st century and more and more people are dating interracially and more mixed babies are being born. And I personally think it's awesome. Soon a majority of the human population will be of mixed race, with any and all combinations you can think of.

    I think your parents need to open up and really talk to this guy and feel him out, and hopefully they will see why you like him so much.


What Guys Said 9

  • I hope you aren't disappointed if I tell you it will be REALLY hard to change your parents' outlook. Sometimes they NEVER change even if you are married 30 years to this person.

    It will take a lot of time and often parents only reconcile themselves to dating outside their race when they are given grandchildren. And many times not even then.

    A lot depends on what races we are talking about here since of course every cultural group is different, but overall you need to prepare for a long period of difficulty that you might not ever overcome.

  • No, sorry don't think there's any that can be done. If the problem of racism could be solved following the advice on a web forum then I don't think racism would exist.

    Good news is parents of 18 year old girls, always hate their BF. So your parent attitude, may only be 20% racism and 80% good old fashioned, heath "who are you to date my daughter"

    Also, quick question.

    How do you now your parents don't like him because he is mixed? Have they openly admitted being racists?

    • Lol actually my past 2 girlfriend's parents liked me a lot, well, definitely the moms. The dads liked me too, but they all put on that "mess with my daughter and I'll kill ya" thing. ; P

    • They're not racist, they just don't like the idea of interracial couples.

  • You probably won't ever get them to understand, but you shouldn't be angry with them. Most parents really just want what's best for their child, even if it means they believe strictly that you're best off with a person of your race. But it's not fair to him or you. It sucks that racism still exists, but it's a reality we all have to live with. You can look at this two ways really, the first is that your family comes first and if they're never going to accept him, your relationship probably will never work. That goes against all convention and all the romance you've heard about growing up, but there are only so many people you can call family. Hopefully they've always been there for you, they've probably clothed you your whole life and fed you your first meal. They're never going to be perfect though and if it is really that big of a deal for them, I'm sure they wouldn't put you in a situation that made you that uncomfortable. You might consider doing the same.

    But it sounds like you really love this guy. Is love enough? Sometimes it isn't. You're going to have to decide whether this guy is worth the partition it may form between you and your parents.

    If it's not that big of a deal, you shouldn't let him go. He's done nothing wrong and neither have you. So why should you two be the ones to pay for it?

  • As others have said, they will never approve of this. It's a natural thing for parents to do.

    All you can tell them they have to get used to it. It's not them who's doing the dating here, it's you and they cannot control you this way.

  • Not to argumentative, but are you sure the reason they don't like him is because he's outside your race? As a parent, my concern for my 18 year old daugther would be the motives of 18 year old guys. They all want one thing and the only difference is the amount of time they will spend to get it.

    If it is indeed a racial issue, then there's not much that can be done about it. The only thing that will change their attitude is contact with the person and the passage of time which will help them to realize that their biases are unfounded. Unfortunately, it appears that they are unwilling to even have the contact. How does your boyfriend feel about that? What is your relationship with his family?

    As well, parents do have their children's best interests at heart, even if it doesn't appear that way to you. Interracial couples do have difficulties that non-interracial couples don't (as you are now experiencing). Acceptance being the greatest difficulty.

    • Yes, I am sure. My dad has openly said that he feels that is a problem. My parents and I have been close my whole life so fighting with them over this is an entirely new ordeal to me. My boyfriend is upset that there is tension between my parents and I and can't help but feel guilty for it.

      However I also know that the only other problem is of course the fact that I'm even dating. They are my parents and feel protective over me in that area.

  • I'm going to be frank. Your parents aren't "old fashioned;" they are straight up prejudiced. You're a human being and so is he. He treats you with love and kindness. That's all that matters. I wouldn't walk away from a good thing because someone in my family was ignorant.

  • if you're happy and he treat you right that's important,try to talk to you'r parents more .

  • haha my parents wouldn't care but my grandparents said they'd never let me in their house again or speak to me again, which I suppose includes getting kicked off the will as well, so I'm not trying to do that. : P

    My only advice is to give it time. Maybe let them know how great a guy he is, and eventually (hopefully) they will get over the race issue. Good luck.

  • They will never approve. Just ignore them, parents are always too conservative in their ideals and won't ever progress from what they were taught as children. Sadly, I bet I will end up just like my parents one day even though I've resolved not to throughout my life.

    Racism = bad...don't let racist parents get in the way of your relationship. They will have to accept you eventually because you are doing nothing wrong, they are at fault here. And they will always accept you as family (unless you have pretty mean parents) no matter what you do.


What Girls Said 10

  • Are you positive that the reason they don't like him is because of his race? If you are, you may need to just sit them down and tell them how you feel about him, and how their feelings are making you feel. Chances are, if they knew how it was making you feel, they would've at least tried to get to know him for who he is more than the colour of his skin.

    Now, if you aren't totally sure that their problem with him is his race, then chances are they are like any other parent of a girl, over-protective. I know my parents haven't been too enthusiastic about my exes, and I know why. It's always been because my exes weren't exactly great boyfriend material. Parents tend to worry more about their daughters than their sons (annoying double standard, but it's true).

    Bottom line, talk to them, chances are, they'll be more than willing to explain their feelings and help you understand their points of view.

    Hope this helps.

  • Unfortunately I don't think that there is too much that you can do but continue to be with the one who makes you happy. You cannot make someone understand something that they do not want to understand. You need to do what makes you happy and do not ever change that because some people cannot understand or do not like it. The only thing that maybe you can tell them is how much it hurts you that you cannot share with them the happiness and joy that you have found with your boyfriend and that if they continue to act in such a way that they are going to miss out on so much and life's too short to waste time on minor issues.

    I hope that everything works out for you.

  • you need to ask them to give you one good reason you shouldn't date someone of another race. no offense but I think your parents are being very racist. why should you not be allowed to date theguy because of his skin color? tell them what's on the outside doesn't matter, but what does matter is what's on the inside. from what you said your boyfriend sounds very kind and sweet, so explain that to them.

  • stay with him. your parents cannot rule your life, so do not break up because of what they want. if he really makes you happy, then stay with him.

  • Tell a black friend of yours to pretend that you are dating, and if they don't want your guy back :D xD

    Having a relationship that you parents don't like can be a little difficult, sometimes parents are right, not this time. Sking color and race aren't important, people are just people. Values, education and morals are the ones that matter.

  • maybe you should have him over with ur parents around so they can see how sweet he is

  • my parents hate my preferences in guys. being bi-racial, you'd think they'd be okay with me dating a guy from an entirely really different race/culture. but no, my dad hates it and my mom just think its a passing phase I would grow out of.

    to say we are living in the 21st century and racial discrimination is not present anymore is an understatement. truth is racial discrimination still exist and sometimes people suffer from it. I guess, that comes into territory when people have grown so accustomed of the stereotypical things we attached to people of different races.

    i really don't think you can change your parents' minds, all you can do, I guess, is show them you really care for this guy and he is really important to you. you have to remember, they are parents first and what they primarily want is for you to be happy, if you can show them that then maybe they'd relax and give you and your guy a chance. you have to be mature about it, show them your capable of handling your affairs and I promise you, they will understand.

    i hope I've helped you even just a little bit. =)

    goodluck with everything.

  • sounds affence but f*** your parents if you really love him they can't do anything about it can they?

    It is what it is

  • all I'm gonna say is if they don't like him then there is probably something they are seeing that you don't see and you should probably just take a step back and figure out why because you always need to have your boyfriend on your parents good side.