What to do when you like someone, when you shouldn't??

So when you are with someone, and you do love them, and care deeply about them, but are falling for someone else, who happens to be their friend. I don't like this situation, but I have to figure out what to do. My fiance is a good man, and means well, and he tries, though sometimes he is really emotional, and clingy. His friend and I have been becoming close, maybe almost too close, but not yet crossing the line. I am afraid it may happen in the future. I don't want to hurt my fiance. This guy is almost everything to dream of. Any thoughts? ugh, I hate this!

 

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Most Helpful Opinion

  • its definitely not love. because if you really loved your fiance you wouldn't fall for another guy. true love is monogamous. so the solution is to just end the engagement and break up, tell him the truth that you have feelings for someone else and you want him to be happy. im gonna be blunt with you though, and tell you my opinions: #1.) the fiance's friend...do you actually trust him? is he really close to your fiance? because if he is, why would he flirt with his bro's girl (aka you?) he obviously led you on and spent time with you and made you fall for him, if he was really a good bud to your fiance, or a good person, he would keep bro code and stay the hell away from someone else's girl. if you get with him, just realize he will always have the titles of a homewrecker and unfaithful friend and an opportunist. all three are ugly things to be known by. #2.) obviously their friendship will be ruined. you came between two bro's. #3.) if you do get with this friend guy, do you think you will marry him or will the attraction last forever? is it just lust now, sexual tension, or is there more to it? may be the lust will fade...and you will always look back at your fiance and see what a great guy you lost...it's a possibility. #4.) if you dump your fiance for this new friend guy...will you be okay with your now ex-fiance dating other girls and even possibly falling in love with a new girl? will you be jealous? will you try to get him back and be possessive? these are some things you should think about. and ask yourself. only you know the answer. but either way I still think honesty is the answer here, and your fiance should know regardless. I don't think your engagement will last though. and you can't hide this forever unless you wanna go through with the marriage and set yourself up for divorce. when you fall for someone else, its a clear sign you're NOT IN LOVE, and that you are unfaithful, and the trust is broken, and its a sign of selfishness + lust + greed. I think you should break up and be honest with yourself.

    • I appreciate your thoughts, and it some have given me strength to make the right decisions on this situation. Thank you.

What Guys Said 6

  • Don't just let thngs happen. Make up your mind now to either break up with your fiance, or stop seeing his friend. Someone will be hurt either way, so thnik carefully and make sure this other man is also a good man and not just a good talker, or a flashy dresser...

  • Stop liking them. No, I'm not being facetious. We can't help our feelings but we can sure control ourselves on acting on them. If you don't think you can control yourself, or he won't control himself and essentially betray a friend, then remove yourself from the situation. Tell him it's not appropriate to be with him alone. The power and the choice is in your hands. It's up to you.

    • Even when we are not alone, he flirts, and does these things right in front of my fiance, and it doesn't seem to phase him, but maybe it does, and he just holds it in. I try not to flirt back, but my fiance flirts all the time with girls and it doesn't bother me, because he is always home and with me, unless he at work

    • Use that to help you. Think about it rationally, without your feelings. What kind of person flirts blatantly with a person they knows is taken in front of others? A jerk, a sleaze. You really honestly believe when he wants some excitement, he won't do that to you, especially since he probably thinks you were okay with him flirting in front of your fiance?Perhaps you are falling out of love with your fiance, but this guy is low character, think about it.

  • The one thing that comes to mind is why do you find his friend as attractive? If he is coming on to you why would you as a person want a man that would betray his friend? In these types of situations it is paramount to ignore intense emotion and to think clearly. It is also important to note if you leave you fiance for his friend he probably would not forgive you. How would you feel if he left you for one of your friends? If a relationship did start between you and the friend how stable would it be really? The friend would probably become controlling latter on because you left your current man for him what is to stop you from doing it again, to him this time? Besides this really doesn't sound like love to me it sounds like your lusting for the friend. You can't build a building on water it will sink right? Emotions are fluid, peaking dipping and never stationary, like water and a marriage must have a solid foundation like the building. A relationship with emotion as a foundation will likely go under then where will you be? My advice is to stay who your with and it sounds like he really cares about you. With the friend avoid situations that would tempt you, like being alone with him, establish barriers between the friend and you and be content with what you have already some people would give anything for what you have with your feiance.

    • Betray his friend by trying to steal his FIANCE. This is far beyond the high school level of taking someone's girlfriend. I think both of you deserve each other for even putting yourselves in a situation where feelings like that could develop. The fiance deserves better than either of you.

  • If you don't love your fiance anymore, give him the proper respect that he deserves~ tell him~but be sure that its something that will make you happy, because if its not, then its not worth doing~ It will not be a good sight when he's already your husband but your not happy with him, and then you keep making out with his friend. please just don't take it that far before you realize that what your doing is breaking a man~ If you don't love him anymore, then let him go, even if it will hurt him, tell him the truth and how you feel and let him go, because he deserves more~

    • I'm so scared to hurt him because he already has low self esteem, and doesn't have any family, only his daughter and her mother, he has no where to go from here... and the situation with his friend, may not be something that would be for sure. But regardless if his "Friend" was giving me attention or not, I am not sure that I am happy enough to marry my fiance, or if I am settling, and he is setting. It seems with this situation, he will end up hurt, one way or another :(

    • If you wouldn't be happy with him, then do what you've gotta do~ He will end up hurt one way or another. I think that it doesn't matter if he have a low self esteem, or he doesn't have any family. Don't make him live in a blind dream. Whatever the situation is, a man just have to cope with it. Mother nature can be cruel, but there is bound to be a miracle in store for him one way or another. everything happens for a reason and that its a lesson to be learned~

  • The only advice I can give is this. If you feel that you can do better, one day you will meet the best guy you can dream of, but you will have a pesky ring on your finger. Don't get married unless you can't imagine ever loving/caring/lusting for anyone else ever again. You feel true love in every bit of you. It permiates your person and becomes so much a part of you that no other love can replace it. If your fiance isn't that to you, don't get married. It will be a better decisio for both of you.

  • Please don't go through with the wedding until this is resolved. It would be extremely unfair to your fiance. If you're having feelings like this already then I'm willing to bet that you should break it off with him being even thinking about anybody else. It'll hurt both of you more in the long run if you go through with this wedding and then regret it.

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