well, we were together for 2 years and it was the most important relationship I have ever had because we started as friends first.(we also did and do work together) we both had issues, tried to work through them and ultimately it ended up that it "just didn't work". since the breakup I haven't...
well, we were together for 2 years and it was the most important relationship I have ever had because we started as friends first.(we also did and do work together) we both had issues, tried to work through them and ultimately it ended up that it "just didn't work". since the breakup I haven't dated anyone, just worked on myself and have improved many areas. she on the other hand for some reason ACTS as though I was the one with the issues even though she SAYS it was both of us. she SAID she would be open minded to us dating again, but during conversations during our FWB stage after the breakup she said NO WAY...even admitting the FWB thing was a second choice, while mentioning "its sad that we can have this kind of fun together but couldn't make a relationship work. (even though our 2 time friends with benefits stages WERE like a relationship)...that is until she told me "I've met someone" (over the goddam weekend, dated him 3 times in a week and decided THAT was more important than what we were doing.)
since we broke up almost a year ago it shouldn't hurt, but by working together and now doing the relationshippy/fwb thing twice, it KILLS and has really hurt my self esteem...i compare myself to this guy, and that's not a god thing. I am very very angry with her , not for living life, but for hurting me and for being so stupid to fall for a guy so quickly.
I told her specifically if this thing with him didn't work out do NOT expect to come back to me, she agreed. (I refuse to be a door mat anymore just because I love her)
we both still love each other and she wants to be friends. we left it that "i would call her" and let her know if we were still on for our plans for the weekend...it ended up that SHE cancelled them because "she was uncomfortable"(which I can assume she was seeing the new douche bag and blowing me off)
Ive been told numerous times that I am a good looking guy,m and for the most part I like to think I have something to offer...i've been great at flirting with women and picking them up, I just haven't mastered the relationship sides of things. what do I do to TRULY move on? how do I stop comparing myself to the "new guy"? ho do I stop the hurt and believe in myself? should I get revenge? I am so confused and FULL of emotions, I would really appreciate any help, but please be gentle
ps: now she's even telling one of my closest friends (older than both of us, kind of a father figure" "i met someone" even though she told ME she was just 'dating'...3 dates in one week = seeing someone? WTF!?
thank you Shiei3, I just wish others would give feedback also!
Don't beat yourself up too much. Often times when we have a significant relationship that has gone sour we tend to remember the good times and not the bad times. We remember how it once was and we find that we want that back.
Your only mistake was doing the whole FWB thing. This can really mess with one's head if feelings are involved. I would cut all sexual contact with your ex and if you must contact with her for a while. Any normal person would feel hurt and question themselves if their ex dropped them for another person so quickly. You are not defective.
So what can you do now? Don't get revenge (it's not worth it at all). However you can decide to do some emotional reparations for yourself.
1) Stop talking to her for a while: This will allow you to have time to focus on you and heal. It's too hard to heal if you keep talking to her.
2) Work Out: It is so great to work out because it will get you in shape and clear your mind up. Exercise releases endorphins (the bodies natural prozac) which will boost your spirits up.
3) Pick up a new hobby: Cooking is great because not only will you have fun but you might find a hidden talent. It's an amazing feeling to eat your own orange glazed chicken and know that you did it all on your own.
4) Go out with your friends: Not necessarily to bars but dinners, movies, bowling, sports...etc. That's fun.
5) Stay busy and allow yourself to feel the hurt every now and again (it's normal) just don't wallow in it.
All of these things will help you to boost your self love and self trust. It takes time so don't expect it to get better overnight. I am sorry you feel so down but know that you can pull yourself out. :) Life is beautiful.
I think that you need to move on. This girl is not treating you right, and the best revenge you could get on her is to be happy, without her. I don't think she is trying to treat you as a doormat but is trying to move on. The fact that you two work together makes it really hard for either of you to be able to move on, maybe you should try and get a new job or request a transfer so that you do not have to see her all the time. There are going to be a lot of emotions until you can get over her, because right now you still want her back. Just because you two did not work out does not mean that you have a problem... it means the two of you weren't supposed to be, but there is someone out there that you will not have to try so hard with and you can be yourself. Don't let one failed relationship make you feel bad.
I feel like I am posting this for almost every person and their break up. But it's what you have to do.
Getting over someone is a long process. Here's some advice.
1) UNDERSTAND THAT THE RELATIONSHIP IS OVER. This is the hardest thing for anyone who has been dumped. It sucks. I've been dumped numerous times. It hurts. Life does go on. The sun will rise tomorrow. Everyone hurts. The sooner than you realize the relationship is over, the sooner you will start to move on with your life.
2) Under NO CIRCUMSTANCES stalk her. Do not go to her myspace or facebook page. Do not check her twitter updates. Do not look for her on AOL IM. Take her out of your phone. Unfriend her on those sites if you have to. Out of sight, out of mind. You do not need to know what is going on with her life-it will only make things harder for you. So do not try to see what she is up to.
3) Hang out with friends/siblings. Surround yourself with people. Go on walks with kids after school. Play basketball. Get study sessions together. Get people around you.
4) Pick up a new hobby to pass the time. You're pretty young, under 18, so maybe you are already in good shape. Work out. It will make you feel better about yourself. Go for runs or light some weights. Go play basketball or football. Take walks in your neighborhood.
5) Fight through it. It sucks. Everyone knows that. But she made her choice, and if she got back together with you now, you'd always wonder if it would happen again, and you'd have doubts how much she really loves you. It wouldn't be fair for you. So do your best to move on. one day it will hurt a little less than the day it did before. That's moving on. Healing. Time.
6) Repeating number 2, for the Love of GOD do not stalk her. This sets the process back months. If you truly want to do that for yourself, get her off all of those networking sites and get her out of your life. Pictures and notes off the wall. The sooner that you get her out of your line of vision, the sooner you will start to move on.
Good luck. It sucks. I know. You'll get there. Stay strong.
I guess this is why FWB after a break-up can get so messy. The physical intimacy is still there, your emotions were there for her but her emotions weren't necessarily there for you. She had moved on in her mind and was ready to start dating someone new. You were still under the impression that she might want to get back together with you, so you were holding out hope. Sorry it didn't work out. She's made her choice, now all you can do is cut your ties with this girl, take some time to regroup, and start flirting with those other girls you were talking about. The only way to get better at relationships is with more practice.