Why can't I make friends at church ?

I have been attending a church for about 5 years now. My mother found the church for my brothers and I because at the time we were beginning to become disillusioned with the church and Christianity. We began going to the church in high school and now myself and my brother are in college. I ended up liking the church and its youth group so much that I began inviting my friends from school (who no longer attend the church, I became a member and got baptized. I believed that it was amazing and refreshing to see young people so on fire for God. I also got involved with the children's ministry where I met a few adults. I began to however want to make friendships with people of my age group. Myself and a friend began to then attend classes with the young people at church only to find that most were extremely unfriendly. In order to get involved at church there is a sign up sheet, which an individual will call you to give you more information. Now we both wanted to be involved with the youth choir so we signed up and no one called us. As a result I went to the desk at church and asked about it. One of the ladies told us the exact day and time of rehearsals and we randomly showed up. When we finally got to church for rehearsal we were met with a mixed bag of "friendly people " and people who starred at us and gave us very rude looks. My friend and I left the rehearsal feeling slightly uncomfortable, but decided to give it another try. The next time we went to church we went around trying to remember names and being friendly with the people we had met. However, within an hour this all changed and we continued to feel lonely and isolated. After this we chose to leave the choir and my friend chose to leave the church. But I didn't want to give up so I chose to try to find a small group. Now for small groups I tried on various occasions to join in and they have been failures each time. I have seen people go to my church and get involved and connected in less than a year for some reason I'm still having trouble. I don't want to give up on this place because it is a good church otherwise. I don't know if this makes a difference but the church is majority Latino/ Latina. Even those who are black are Latino, however I am Afro Caribbean .


Most Helpful Guy

  • Alright, so first of all. You don't go to Church because it's a social event and the people are friendly and the service is nice and the music is good. While they might all be present they are the wrong reasons to be going. You go to Church because you believe in the dogma. Church groups are hit and miss much like everything else in life. You're not always going to get the best small group or the young adults group might be separated into cliques. Keep looking and if you can't find anything maybe you should look for an external group like a lay ministry or bible study group. It's easy to get distracted by the people and start going because so and so is cool or you have a crush on this cute guy in it but you've got to remember the real reason you're involved.

    • I'm very aware of the fact that church is more than a social gathering. However the bible tells us not to forsake the assembly of one another. I also personally feel that a church is supposed to be a family. It should be a place where you can talk to like minded people that can understand experiences that you deal with on a regular basis. It should be somewhere that you can pray for others as well as yourself .

    • Show All
    • Thank you for your opinion, SilentEarth. You might be right. With respect, SilentEarth, I see things differently. Most people I know have a confused idea of the dogma, more questions than answers.

      Most people I know go because their parents went, because they have friends, because they have always gone, because that's what they do on Sunday. Most people, imho, aren't as pure as you.

    • We can't afford to be that way though. We need to know exactly what we believe and why we believe it, otherwise there's no more point in believing one thing over another. We all have questions but the difference is in actively seeking the answers. This doesn't just go for religion, this goes for everything. Our capacity to reason sets us apart from the rest of creation, how dare we cast it aside for consolation?

What Guys Said 7

  • Visit a kingdom hall of Jehovah's Witnesses it's a family there unlike churches which claim to be Christian yet they support wars, homosexuality, the false doctrine of the trinity, and the belief that all good people go to heaven and bad ones go to hell. You'll see real brotherly/sisterly love from people of all races. Most importantly you'll learn the truth through the Bible and how you can earn everlasting life. Visit jw.org if you would like this opportunity.

  • I would think that the way to make friends at church is the same way one would use to make friends anywhere else.

  • maybe they are colsing themselves up cause you aren't Latina.

  • I think you have given these people more than enough opportunity to be friendly. I would give up, find somewhere where you are wanted. It doesn't sound lke a "good church otherwise."

    • Yes I've definitely got a church that I'm considering & thanks for understanding

  • What's your personality like?

    • For the most part I am pretty outgoing and friendly. I can be quiet, but I'm not. Shy

  • It doesn't matter what nationality is the majority in your church. You're going to church because you want to live a very spiritual life.

    • And you also want to be surrounded by individuals that you can be at ease with and fellowship with. Fellowship is very important because without it you may not have people that you can be accountable to. Accountability is very important. Not only to God but also to others

    • I agree with you Question Asker. The people are the church; if they are shunning you, it is painful and difficult, even impossible to rise above.

      I think you have gone the extra mile, forgiven harsh behavior, turned the other cheek. You are not required to submit to this. What you describe sounds the opposite of Christian behavior.

What Girls Said 1

  • becasue they ar eLatino they migh tnot fele comfortable with a nonLatina. so you need to stop forgin yourslef into them and try to gain their trust first. don't appear as if you are only looking for friends, go to church and pay attention to the mass.

    • I love the messages at church And the pastors that's what is making the decision so difficult