Is it wrong...

I really do Love this guy. I Love almost everything about him. Almost. I'm not a big fan on looks and I really would love to spend the rest of my life with this one guy. But he just doesn't...look even semi-ok. I don't want to leave him because of that. That would be just to low and very stupid. Any advice?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Sorry to say but attraction plays a big role in relationships. If you're not attracted then are you even sleeping with him? If you're the kinda person that can over look his bad looks, then more power to you. Sometimes when you hang out with a guy that is not so good looking, they start to appear better looking to you. I know this because it has happened to me. I didn't like them enough to act on it though. A lot of the time they were just friends. If this is the same situation then go for it because it seems like you really love him and its stressing you out. You obviously feel this way for a reason. There is something there that is out weighing looks and it must be special. I say go for it and forget about what people think. Your happiness is all that's important.

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What Guys Said 9

  • I suspect your discomfort in this relationship goes beyond looks. Are you sure you're not giving yourself an out for not breaking up with him. Look, appearance and attractiveness are important. They're also in the eyes of the beholder. If you're not attracted to this guy, you're not. There's nothing much you can do to change that. Don't beat yourself up over it or judge yourself for it. Probably the best thing to do is just to break off your relationship with him. You don't have to tell him the exact reasons. In the end, it's not really a situation where you would be doing him a favor by keeping this thing going.

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  • Don't really understand your question: you love everything about him except this one thing on which you don't want to leave him for - in all logic that adds up to: you want to spend the rest of your life with him..

    Actually I do get what you mean: if you're afraid that you will change your mind, then no one here can help, as it was not real love you're feeling in the first place. If you're afraid peer pressure will make it tough on your relationship, then forget the others if you really love him..

    Or you're attracted, or you're not - everything else can get "grown accustomed and therefore be liked"...in time..Which is a good thing, as nobody's perfect..but don't stay with someone because you like him very much. Stay with him out of love.

    My grandmother used to say: "Physical beauty fades - besides it doesn't really exist as it is all the perception of the loving one that matter. As long as the inner beauty grows, you will have a jewel of a lady one day as she will be more beautiful every day of your life." As always she was proven correct for me :-)

    If your love is sincere, his looks really shouldn't matter - and if it is not, then don't leave because of stupidity, but leave because of lack of attraction. Nobody tells you you have to love someone (also) for his looks, I'd say on the contrary..

    But getting back to my first sentence: you don't seem to want to leave, so don't..?

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  • Alright, I can see that, but my real question to this is, is it like he's over weight has a skin condition, or is he just flat out unattractive? Because I'm sure if you are both very drawn to one anotherI'm sure he'd be willing to exercise and get into a better shape, and or get some skin treatment or something. Not saying ask the guy to get plastic surgery that'd be very wrong andmost likely very hurtful to him. Also maybe if it's like a physical thing involving weight or shape you might be able to offer to get in shape along side him and exercise and stuff with him even if you're already in pretty good shape.

    Hope this answer helps and best of luck to you. =)

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  • It may seem "low" or "stupid"... but it's not. It's important that you are attracted to the person you are with and that you like how they look. You say you don't want to leave him because of this, but it sounds then like you're just waiting for another excuse. Why waste time with him if he's not the one you want to be with? Better you move on sooner rather than later. You don't have to tell him you're breaking up with him over looks you can use whatever excuse you want to be more polite.

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  • There has to be some physical attraction but attraction has to go a lot deeper than that for things to last. Real attraction comes from feelings, at least it does with me. If I love someone then she is the most beautiful girl in the world, doesn't matter if she's dressed up with her hair and makeup perfect or if she's pale after hardly any sleep, sick, no makeup and hardly speaking to me.. lol she's still beautiful.

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  • You're gonna leave him eventually.

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  • If you're even questioning this, then you don't love him. I don't doubt you like him, but to love someone means to love without conditions.

    But if you don't love him it's best to leave him. Nothing is more hurtful than ending a relationship years down the road when you never truly loved each other.

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  • Well, if there's no physical attraction at all then it will not work out.

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  • Yeah, that would be extremely shallow. Looks aren't everything. Guys get better looking with age, women get worse. You think he'd leave you when you get fat? Unlikely. Guys love a loyal, loving, honest and caring woman. Obviously you have some form of attraction to him if you love him. Law of Attraction is the strongest in the universe. If you do leave him because he's not good looking, I hope that he finds someone who he can love unconditionally and will love him back the same. You don't know what you've got, until it's gone. It's also a maturity thing. Someday you will realize how shallow this was of you. Unfortunately, it may come after you've been hurt by a "hot" guy. He also may have moved on by then.

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    • Well that was an unfair tag to place on women. Not all women get worse looking with age, and not all men get better looking. It's all dependent on the person. How they take care of themselves, etc. How fair would it be for me to say all men get fat with age, a lot of them do, but not all of them.

      And I don't think she's being shallow, she said that she DOESN'T want to leave him.

    • Well said buddy

What Girls Said 11

  • Physical attraction is important and it isn't low of you to recognize and consider that your partner's looks are not appealing to you. In fact, I think that physical/sexual attraction is an important element in a relationship though obviously not enough on it's own nor even able to be the centerpiece of a healthy relationship that will stand the test of time. Luckily too, when people are really connected to each other, changes in our looks, whether gaining weight, losing hair or aging are of little consequence though lack of care about ones appearance and falling in to slovenly habits is a problem.

    Love is great, but I will share a little secret, love does not conquer all. As love matures, we all move back to our default position. In other words, some of the initial cutesy romantic stuff fades, we start seeing each other as people, not romanticized versions of each other, and love may not be enough to hold it together. I also have a personal theory that physical attraction to each other can help us hold it together when we go through those points in a relationship where it gets bumpy. That doesn't mean the either person needs to meet some version of idealized attractiveness or be super models, but it does mean that we have a desire for our partner on a physical level as well as on other levels.

    So, my advice to you is do not discount your need for a physical attraction. Continue to enjoy your relationship and see how it goes. Give yourself a break, it's good that you are addressing this and not pretending like it isn't an issue.

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  • Think of it this way, its it better to spend your life with the man of your dreams who doesn't quite look like the man of your dreams, or would you like to spend your life with a total ass hole that you're very unhappy with because he looks like the man of your dreams?

    Looks aren't everything and regret is a miserable feeling. You obviously know you'd regret leaving him. Think about it in the long run. What is more important five years down the road, the way your husband looks or how happy you and your husband are together? Looks fade, personality does not. Don't base you relationship on something that's so unpermanent.

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    • No, personality doesn't fade but people can change.

      but I agree with you nonetheless.

    • Personality and character may or may not change with age...but looks surely do. There is more probability of a very good looking person that you are physically attracted to become a complete "mirror cracking material" in a few years time, than a person with a great personality that you are attracted to changing over time. And let me add one more thing, most women expect their men to change over time, men change very little. Its women who mostly do. I hope am not stereotyping on a whole.

  • If you can't stand it then don't be with him. If you feel it's not right for you, don't pursue it and ignore the feelings that it's ok because it's obviously not. Are you like this with all the guys you have dated in the past?

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  • girl love over looks.. but if ur not physically attracted to someone its not gonna last.. because that's just how people are these days

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  • It may feel wrong to go based on looks but you do need to have an attraction to the person. Sometimes you learn to be attracted to them however if you still don't feel that then you probably are not that attracted to them.

    It is not shallow because it is not that they have to be perfect but they should be attractive to you.

    Without the attraction it will be hard to have a relationship at an intimacy level. Hopefully you can figure out how you feel and what is the right thing for you.

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  • Sweetheart, when you're really really into someone and LOVE them, you don't second guess yourself on anything.

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  • Well, is it just that you're not really attracted to him, or are you disgusted by his appearance? If you're really disgusted by his appearance, it might be an indication that you really don't want to spend your whole life with him.

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  • If you love him run to the stars. if you don't then leave him alone before you break his heart

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  • If you got to know him and you are STILL not attracted to him than maybe the physical chemistry is not there for you. I can't see how there can be a sexual connection there if you don't find him very attractive. At the end of the day we all know its not about looks. But if you can't accept him the way he is its never going to last.

    I've tried giong out with people that I really like who wasn't all that great looking..but when it came to being intimate that lack of physical connection made it very hard, and there fore ruined the relationship.

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  • I've dated a guy that wasn't "attractive" but I loved him so much that I saw him as an attractive person. And I'm in love with him, there has to be physical attraction but sometimes you find that. once you're truly in love. I'm a model and most people would tell me how I could do better, but in my world he's always the best and I don't listen to superficial opinions.

    What's gonna make you happy? His looks or who he is as a person. Because looks can go sofar untill they don't matter much anymore. But that's if you're really in love I find. There's more to a person that what they look like. And if you say you're in love why would you leave that behind? You're lucky to have found "the one" as you say.

    Good Luck :) !

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  • i once tried to make it work with a guy who I was not attracted to. he was a wonderful guy, but no matter how much we got to know each other and spend time together...i just was not attracted to him at all. long story short...things didn't work out.

    i think if you have genuinely tried to move past that and work through the outside layer...then it is not stupid. now, if you hadn't even given it a second thought...then that would be low and stupid.

    somtimes the more you get to know someone the less you see their outward appearance. give it time...if you still feel the same then...cut your loses, because you definitely deserve to be with someone who you are attracted to.

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