A guy has been using me for awhile (although he constantly proclaims he's not - he's all talk and no action) with some, but little change in his actions. Not enough change to continue down this same road with him. I need some help establishing some specific boundaries. I know what I want to accomplish, but not sure how to get there. (What I ultimately want is to be completely over him if he's only using me and I believe he is, but that may be a time process). His rate of attitude change towards me has been evident, but slow (a few years just to get this far). If he's going to ever come around that's great, but I'm tired of suffering and waiting and I need things to transform. He admits he’s not in love, but wants to be friends, but I’m struggling with that because I have feelings for him so that’s difficult (in fact, he gets upset if I refuse friendship even though I’ve explained the reasons – he says he’d still be friends with someone even if he had feelings for them). While I work on getting over him, I want to stop his bad behavior by changing my behavior towards him and I'm not sure what that looks like. Am I correct by not taking his calls or answering the door when he shows up? Do I take SOME of his calls, but never be available? What else can I do to redirect the way he's been treating me? What actions will actually show him I'm not his booty call? What actions will allow me to take charge of my situation that will command proper respect and/or boundaries? If more insight to what’s going is needed to offer quality answers, just ask. Thanks.
I need to set boundaries in a situation, but what specific steps to perform to set them up?
What Guys Said 1
What Girls Said 4
HOW ABOUT TELLIN HIM YOU FOUND SOME ONE WHO USES YOU BETTER THAN HE DOES. HOW COULD IT NOT BE OBVIOUS TO YOU ON WHAT TO DO HERE? OPPOSITE OF WHAT YOU BEEN DOIN WOULDN'T YOU THINK . DO YOU KNOW WHAT OPPOSITE MEANS? IT MEANS TREAT HIS ASS TOTALLY DIFFERENT THAN HOW YOU HAVE BEEN. NO ANSWERING THE PHONE. NO TEXTING HIM BACK.2
Girl do what is best for you. Don't take his calls at all and when he asks why tell him how you really feel. Don't let him persuade you either because guys like this will try to take advantage of your weakness. If you want to show him you're not his booty call you have to stop being his booty call. Don't be convenient for him. Do what is best for you and if he can't get with your schedule tell him to kick rocks.
He likes the chase. If you set boundaries and ignore him he will try to pursue you more, that's just what players do. It's fun for them. Think of Pepe LePew (sp?) and the cat he used to chase. As a matter of fact, think of all the great chase shows in history (Roadrunner and Wiley Coyote, Tom and Jerry). If the chasees just made it easy for them they would get bored but the chasers love nothing more than the thrill of the chase. He thinks you're playing around but only by ignoring him for an extended length of time and then acting cold with him when you do see him will he realize that you are not playing and he needs to leave you alone.
Don't listen to anything he tells you because it's all bullsh*t. He just wants to use you for sex and anything that comes out of his mouth is really just game.1
Well when he calls and wants to spend time with you make sure it is in public, like going to dinner or movies or lunch or whatever. Not just come over to your house or his and hang out.2
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