How should I warn guys about my not-so-great body?

Hi everyone,

I developed stretch marks as an overweight kid and then got into great shape after high school. But the stretch marks did not go away and some flab remained no matter how much I exercised. I didn't think this would be a major problem for guys, but the two guys I dated in college both dumped me once they had seen me naked (THE morning after!).

This did not make me feel good and I stopped dating. The thing is, I am now 31 and I feel like this situation is getting out of hand. My friends rented "The 40 Year-Old Virgin" last weekend, and I was not laughing.

I like men and they seem to like me before they see me naked, but I just know that my stretch marks and flab will be a major problem for most men. There is nothing I can do to make the stretch marks go away. All the magazines and agony aunts out there tell people like me that a man who really appreciates me won't care about my body, but I really doubt that this is true. I would rather be single forever than have another horrible experience where a guy dumps me after seeing my body.

My question is, is there any way to warn a guy about my problem early on (pre-nakedness)? Also, are the agony aunts even a little bit right? Are there guys out there who could overlook this kind of problem?

Thanks for your advice!


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Most Helpful Guy

  • How quickly are you giving it up? I mean, the first few dates or are you holding back a bit to let them feel more attached before you get naked with them?

    A decent guy should have no problem with some extra weight or stretch marks. It's hard enough to find someone you freaking like, let alone throwing them away because of something so trivial.

    A lot of guys, especially in college, just want to get laid. Maybe the guys you had in college were really just one night standers.

    There should be no need to 'warn' a guy about your so-called "problem." It doesn't really exist anyway. Hold back a while and make sure these are decent guys before laying down.

    I'm not calling you a slut or anything, just that some guys like to hit-it and run.

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    • Thanks for taking time to write back. Actually, I was embarrassed to say in my first post, but it took months before I gave it up. I thought both guys were really attached to me. I am a little shy and they did all the chasing. It was ages before I had enough confidence to get naked! Before that, I spent a lot of time being friends with both guys and flirting, etc. I guess that is why I was so surprised that they dumped me so fast. I thought they really cared about me.

    • I for one have rejected girls for wanting sex too early. Not that I wouldn't have liked to do it... but that I honestly just don't really get into it without having an emotional and intellectual attachment first.

      I really think you had some bad luck in college. Lots of people are shy at that time and shouldn't be. It's hard to know if you have the experience or not... but to be honest... at that time, very few do. Know you're beautiful to yourself, then the guys won't matter so much.

    • Thanks. It really helps to know that you feel that way as a guy. I like to have an attachment first too and I have always thought that guys would consider that weird and old-fashioned. Maybe I did have bad luck in college. From what everyone is saying, I shouldn't stress so much and should give it another shot. I'll try! Thanks for your advice.

What Guys Said 0

The only opinion from guys was selected the Most Helpful Opinion!

What Girls Said 3

  • Being pregnant young gave me stretch marks and a little belly - even though I was in great shape. In my 20's I still wore my half shirts which displayed my stretch marks and the guys I dated never had a problem with them.

    I think you just had really bad luck with men in college. Older guys are a little more mature (though not all, lol), and being short of perfection themselves - I think they would be a little more understanding about your body.

    As for men loving you for who you are - there are men that will and men that won't. The problem is distinguishing between the two, a problem the majority of the women in this world have - join the club, honey. ; )

    Best wishes to you and know that you are beautiful.

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    • Thanks! I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one out there with stretch marks. I guess I must have a hard time telling the nice guys from the stretch mark haters! it helps to know that you don't think I should keep not dating! Maybe I'll give it another shot.

  • Awe, girl be confident in yourself! I dated a guy who when to the gym every day and who had 2% body fat. I on the other hand was way overweight but you know how I got him...confidence! I've noticed that most men want a woman who will make them feel good, (in and out of bed). So what if you have stretch marks, who doesn't?! And I know men are also very self conscious about their bodies, so don't be so hard on yourself.

    The second you feel sexy and stop worrying about how your look naked, the sooner a guy will be there to stay. Maybe the 2 guys who you say dumped you after sex were turned off by your lack of confidence? A man wants a women who will be sexy and crazy in bed, now laying there scared to turn to a certain angle cause it makes her look fat. I'm sure your beautiful, try and believe that!

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    • Thanks for the encouragement... Maybe you're right. I'll try to get past the stretch marks!

  • dont hook up with random guys. wait to have sex with a guy that cares about you. if a man TRULY TRULY appreciates you he won't judge you for it. now if sex was primarily the reason he was with you then he would consider it a big deal.

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