Am I looking for too much in a SO?

This is for the older, more experienced crowd, please

The situation: What genuinely makes me happy and makes my life worth living doesn’t have the same meaning to my SO. I love to be outdoors, doing anything fun and adventurous, trying new things, going places…just a general love of nature and fully experiencing this life that I’ve been given. Doing anything and everything and really connecting with myself through nature is what makes life worth living for me. My SO doesn’t feel the same way and I can’t ever get him fired up to do much...I mean we both love the beach, to snowboard, and play paintball, but on a daily basis there isn’t an activity that we have a common love for. I love him more than anything, but I’ve broken up with him because I couldn’t see myself with someone I can’t share the experiences that make me truly happy with. He doesn’t feel the same way. So I’m wondering if I’m alone in my thinking. Would/could you be with someone that didn’t share whatever your passion is? I just feel there is a deeper connection lacking when we can’t share what makes me truly happy. He loves to see me happy, but he doesn’t share it, you know. Am I looking for too much in a SO? I would marry him other wise. and with my question I don't really mean "too much" because this is the way it has to be for me, but I wanna know if it's more than other people look for.

It doesn't look like I can delete this question, but it's pretty much null and void now. The anonymous girl who framed situation from his perspective made me realize that what I said isn't really what's going on.


Most Helpful Girl

  • that comes off as not just a bit, but very selfish.

    that's like a guy breaking up with me, because I don't have my black-belt in daito-ryu aikijujutsu and don't have much of an interest in learning it, understanding it, or practicing with him.

    would I be a bad girlfriend if everything else was perfect about me, and I encouranged and supported him for going ahead with his passion, and never told him to stop or spend less time on it and more time with me, and was happy to see him happy doing the thing he loved?

    what would be your feelings about a guy (let's pretend he's my boyfriend) who would suddenly break up with me one day because in addition to being the otherwise perfect girlfriend and super-rare one-in-a-million genuinely caring, loving and warm person; I just wasn't as passionate as he was about daito-ryu aikijujutsu.

    exactly, that's what you come off as. think about it.

    • Your post really made me think, and I realized that the things we do both like to do haven't happened in a long time. ...and when they do I have to drag him out. So it's like we have no interests in common anymore. I firmly believe that it's not worth dating someone if you have no interests in common...if you do no activities together. It's like...yea, I think you're a great person but there's no reason for me to like you otherwise.


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What Guys Said 4

  • You are absolutely, 100% in the right for feeling the way you do. Of course, the last thing you want in a partner is a carbon copy. That would get to be absolutely boring. You want someone who shares the same interests, or at least gets motivated to do things with you. Love means everything, but sometimes it's not enough if the person you love doesn't give a damn about the things you are passionate about and doesn't really care if they share them with you. You sound like the type that even if your SO liked some things that you didn't, you would still participate. You're looking for at least the same in return and that is only fair. So no, you are not looking for too much.

  • Sure its nice to have things in common whether it be certain types of movies music or activities. However everyone needs to do what makes them happy and enjoy without their SO they don't need to be attached to anyone 24/7 and if they are there is a problem much deeper than that. So I agree with the best answer it definitely is a bit selfish to break up with someone simply because they aren't willing to do something with you every single day people work have other priorities and can't always do what they want to do etc. You can always find a best friend or a girlfriend to do those sort of activities with.

  • SO= Significant Other, (stupid me, I had to guess it)

  • Another example of a girl thinking with her feelings instead of logic. This is why women will never be as smart as men. Yes, you are definitely looking for too much and you threw away a perfectly good partner that you won't be able to replace. Wake the f*** up you idiot.


What Girls Said 1

  • I don't think you are asking too much. I have been in the same experience, and eventually it ate away at me. My new boyfriend and I do a lot together, but we have many interests that don't overlap and we do them on our own. But I feel that from the words that you choose that you are going to slowly be eaten away as well. The only reason I say that is because you said "I couldn’t see myself with someone I can’t share the experiences that make me truly happy with". I do things with friends and family that he doesn't want to do, but if you have a problem with him not doing those things with you, it will slowly slowly build to resentment.