I can't accept my body.

I've always had body image issues. I don't like my body, I wish I was thinner, with a smaller frame, longer torso, big breasts (DDs), a big round butt and long, slim legs. Instead I have small breasts, short waist (albeit small), wide hips and an average butt (not flat, but not as round as I'd like). I'm 5'5", 129 lbs.

To make things worse, my boyfriend has other preferences which I also can't accept. He likes big breasts, big round butts on skinny chicks. He says he likes my hips, but really, hips? I wish he would like my small breasts, or my butt. That he'd prefer these smaller assets, but no, he prefers big stuff. On skinny chicks! I'm not even that skinny. He has added a lot of hot girls to our band's Facebook page. When I've complained he has deleted them, but not without telling me I'm a nag and that those aren't important things for the relationship and that I shouldn't care about that stuff. That being jealous and envious is being childish, and that so what if they're hotter. He totally disregards my feelings about the issue, despite the fact that he knows how I feel about my body. He says I'm hot, but I know he thinks they're hotter and he thinks that's something I just have to deal with.

I've never told him another guy is hotter because frankly I don't feel that way, but I bet if I told him he should be taller, more muscular and that he should wax his chest (all things that I'm not attracted to anyway, lucky him) then he'd freak out! He can get insecure, I've seen him get insecure.

What can I do? Should I break up with him? I can't accept that I'll never be his perfect ten, and that seriously drives me crazy, even though I love him and he's perfect for me, if I'm not perfect for him then I'll never feel at ease. I just can't accept that, and his carefree attitude towards the matter, the fact that he refuses to talk about it and just disregards it as childish concerns is hurtful. I also hate my body, I absolutely wish I looked different, even though before I was with him, it wasn't this bad. But I just wish I could look different, sadly there are things that I can only fix with surgery, and others that I can't fix (like having a smaller frame or longer legs). I hate my body, no matter how much weight I lose I look sturdy, and I have small breasts which no guy I have ever met likes. I'm just not hot... guys don't even look at me =(

Should I see a therapist? It's just I've been to therapy for this before, but it didn't work =/


Most Helpful Guy

  • EVERY girl hates their body and one point or another. EVERY girl wants to change something about their body.

    You know that blonde bombshell, perfect butt, hourglass figure, swimsuit model (imagine whichever hot girl you want here)? She hates her body, too! I bet you anything in the world she has AT LEAST one thing she wants to change about it, if not more.

    Look at this article: link

    This beauty queen died in the pursuit of the perfect ass. It's so ridiculous it makes my head hurt to even think about it. Girls just have this ingrained into their mind that they need to look perfect like barbie, or a pornstar, or britney spears, etc.

    Well here's the truth: they don't!

    Are there shallow guys out there? Of course, just like there are shallow girls out there. Some girls would never date me unless I had the perfect brad pitt body. Oh well, who cares. I don't want to be with those girls anyway.

    Find someone that makes you feel good about who you are and the body you have. If your boyfriend doesn't do that, then sorry but he's not the right guy for you. The right guy for you is going to love you just as much if you gain 10 pounds as if you lose 10 pounds. To him you will always be beautiful and sexy.

    • That's discouraging... I mean if they look so perfect and yet they hate their bodies, then where does that leave me? How stupid of them, they should be grateful. Funny huh? They're THAT stupid and shallow, yet guys still fantasize and drool over them, and think they're hotter than a more down to earth, substantial woman.

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    • The point I was trying to make is be happy with who you are and find someone who is happy to be with you. As long as you are happy who cares what anyone else looks like or thinks. All you'll do is make yourself miserable. And what does that accomplish?

    • You're saying those women should be grateful and calling them stupid and shallow because they're insecure about their bodies, but you feel the same way they do. You're comparing yourself to them on every level possible; if they're unhappy with their bodies, it's a reflection of them, not you. There's no need to ask where it leaves you.

What Guys Said 2

  • What is "hot"? Is there a scientific definition?

    Sure, scientists say that certain proportions are statistically more attractive to men, which is why you find men drooling over supermodels and porn stars. Those women are hand-picked for physical traits. Not for personality. Not for their dreams and goals in life. ONLY for what a handful of guys are thinking that other guys want to see, so that they can make hundreds and thousands and millions of dollars. They don't care about duping men into accepting their Photoshopped standard of beauty, and they don't care about the self-esteem of the millions of women who have to live with those men.

    So here's my question to you: why play their game? You're worth so much more than that--and you can only see it if YOU choose to. No amount of reaffirming words here will help, if you're not willing to begin to see that you have worth, and demand dignity and respect accordingly.

    I kindly suggest you go out on a quest for a "more down to earth, substantial" (your words) guy, one who isn't captivated by fleeting and flighty popular standards of beauty, but who can appreciate and love you for the ever-learning and growing person you are (i.e., the person that you choose to be).

    • But where? I'm only 21, I've never met a guy like that. My boyfriend is quite intellectual and not as stupid as other frat-guy types I've met... I don't want to date a 30 year old to find someone mature enough... it seems guys from my generation have been more brainwashed than ever with porn and what not... I don't think older guys are this brainwashed. All guys I've met my age are absolutely obsessed with porn... my Boyfriend not so much, but he still prefers the plastic look it seems.

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    • Reply to update: therapy might be a dream come true in helping you sort out your feelings. Sometimes you have to go through several therapists to find an understanding person who you "click" with and can truly help you--so don't get discouraged if one doesn't work out, it's part of the game. But don't go to therapy so you can just learn to "accept" your boyfriend's behavior. Yes, it's natural for him to be attracted to women, but not to shove it in your face and call you childish...

    • ...because you don't just go with the flow and put up with it. He should be respectful of your feelings. For example, if a girlfriend were to ask me if this or that actress/supermodel was hotter, I'd tell her she's eye candy, but I don't know her personally, so I'm not going to drool over her. I would hope I wouldn't have to tell my girl, "I only have eyes for you...etc." My actions would speak louder than my words, and she'd ideally be mature and secure enough to see that.

      Best of luck.

  • turn off the t.v. put away the dvds, burn the magazines and put the confidence you had in those things in your ability to be you. don't look to man mad things to tell you what perfection is because the definition is always changing.


What Girls Said 1

  • Well, most girls hate their bodies. Even so, I'm sure you're probably attractive. Obviously guys like you. I mean, you do have a boyfriend afterall.

    I know it's hard to come to terms with the fact that men can sometimes be physically attracted to women other than you but sometimes it's a fact of life. However, even if he is attracted to other women physically, it doesn't necessarily means he wants them or wants to be with them. I mean, the Mona Lisa is a great painting but I wouldn't put it up in my living room! I'd much rather have my Forbidden Planet poster. Simply because I like it and it jives with me. And that's the thing. Your boyfriend likes YOU because of who you are and how you fit with him.

    However, it is rude of him to call you childish. I understand where he is coming from, he is frustrated with your insecurity. But he's not channeling his frustration in a productive way. Honestly, the only way to jump over this hurdle is to have a calm conversation about how his reaction isn't helping you any.

    But likewise, you should consider taking a step back and asking yourself if you're being reasonable. I mean, so what if he adds hot chicks to the band's Facebook page. For one, it's just Facebook and it doesn't mean anything and, two having hot chicks as fans is good publicity for a band. How do you think hair metal got so far?

    He just wants you to be more secure in your relationship. And don't downplay his compliments. If he likes your hips and thinks you're hot, don't brush those off as nothing things. That will say to him that you don't give a crap what he says or think, even if you do.

    Anyway, as you said, there's not a lot you can do to change your body. So start trying to like it. Women come in all different shapes and sizes. The vast majority of women do not have what is generally considered to be an ideal body and they are beautiful anyway.

    Also there are tons of things that you can do to make yourself look and feel better.

    Do some research. Figure out what your body type is and figure out what clothing styles are most flattering for that body type. The right cut and fit will make you look good and you'll feel good. Get a new hair cut. One that frames your face really nice. These little things might sound silly and frivilous but in the end they make a difference in how you feel and how you present yourself. And isn't that what's most important?

    Good luck and relax. Everything will be fine. He has stuck by you so you should try to trust him and stick by him.

    • I just can't accept that he thinks my body is "lesser than" some Facebook bimbo... 'cause they're not fans, he looks them up and adds them. It's not like they add us and he accepts the requests. And why does plastic equal hot anyway? Those women are plastic. It's unfair. I never add hot guys or tell him anything about other guys, 'cause in my eyes his perfect and wouldn't change a thing about him.

    • Honestly, I doubt he thinks your body is "lesser." It might not be his usual type but clearly he likes it. If he didn't, don't you think he would have dumped you for one of these plastic bimbos by now? I mean, seriously you're ignoring the fact that he has told you that he likes you and that he thinks YOU'RE hot.

      And again, it's just Facebook. Don't take it so seriously. Plus, it's not like he's made them his personal friends.