You can't make hair go lighter without bleach. Highlighting would be the only option if you don't want to full on bleach but it will likely not give you a blonde effect... At least not within a few sessions.
Hmmmm... hopefully a certified hairdresser will answer, but I think just do a bit of research on the net. And Guy Tang on youtube does all kinds of videos on hair dying - so go check him out. Maybe he has a video on just what you need. =)
there is no way of making your hair lighter without bleaching it. you can do it slowly and with gentler lightening products so you hair won't get damaged, but it will contain bleach none the less. sorry
That's going to be hard to achieve. I'd advice you to go to a professional, instead of experimenting on your own.