What is going on in her mind?

I met the most amazing girl (was set up by some friends) and we hit it off right away! All the right signs were there that this was on its way to something amazing... (someone in my family even said, your going to land up with this girl)- (prior to us even going on the date)

Anyway, as things are always amazing at the beginning, one day she just snapped and became distant- so as hard as the conversation was I had to talk to her about what was going on. She said things just went to fast-lets ease them up...Not what I wanted to hear but I also can recognize if that's what she needed then its in my best interest to tone things down a bit.

So things got toned down, I did not call her the following day, which we were talking every day, and of course the sweet text came from time to time..

Then it wasn't but 36 hours later she was calling me wondering what I was doing, etc. I had made other plans because I couldn't sit at home and have my head go in circles...

We then began talking again almost every day- he went out of town twice over the holidays, not expecting to hear from her, she started calling me just to say hi..

Now, she is back in town and I have asked her to get together several times and its always some BS reason why she doesn't want to or can't...

So, I pretty much gave up at this point... Then I hosted a dinner and she was supposed to come and then bailed 4 hours before. Yet, after confirming twice she was coming (it was a 125 dollar per seat dinner) so that seat could have been sold to someone else. (of course I was not charging her)

So here we are- haven't talked in 4 days, not sure if its because I am still aggravated or on her end if she is puling back ..Needless to say I really care for this girl, but can't put up with this nonsense in my life. I really thought she was the perfect girl---just don't know what to do now...Any advice?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I have advice, yes.

    First, it takes MONTHS and YEARS to really know someone well enuf to know if they are "the one", so any feelings that come along before then that tell you "she's the one"... put them in perspective. Tell yourself, "I don't know her well enuf to know whether she's perfect for me or not" and try NEVER to put anyone in the category of "perfect for me" because NO ONE can live up to being perfect, nor should they. And anyone who thinks in terms of "she's perfect for me!" or "he's perfect for me!" is setting themselves up to lose the relationship.

    A study was done and found that of straight couples who went into the relationships thinking "There is one and only one special person for me and my spouse is it", those folks tended to divorce at a much higher rate than those who went into relationships looking for love and friendship and general compatibility. Why? Because those with the "one perfect person" beliefs took any sign that "this isn't perfect" to mean "this isn't the person I should be with", not realising: no one is going to be perfect!

    I can't TELL YOU how many times I've had people come to me and say "I've met the woman/man of my dreams!" And then fast forward three months and that "love of their life" is ancient history, but "NOW I've REALLY met the love of my life!" and so on, and so on. And this is not only a TEEN phenomenon, needless to say. You're in your thirties. How old is she, btw?

    She's not treating you respectfully. You deserve respect as everyone does. Tell her, without meanness or maliciousness, that you need and seek to be with people who show you respect CONSISTENTLY. Use that word, mean what you say, and live up to it. Only date people who treat you with respect consistently. And always treat others with respect consistently.

    Advice is over for now. Good luck with this. It sounds painful to be in. Update us, ok?

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    • Thxs for your post- We took a bit of time from talking- then finally talked and to complete shock she finally opened up and told me what was going on- which had nothing to do with me. What I thought would be a 10 min conversation turned into 2 hours. I didn't call her and sure enough she started calling me again. She wants to keep dating but openly admits she needs to work through her personal issues before she can give 100%. I agreed. We have been out twice since-

      FYI -early 30's.

What Girls Said 1

  • Be straight out with her. To be honest it seems like this girl's thoughts and emotions are all over the place. Maybe your the stability she needs in her life, but then again, maybe not. Tell her how you feel, that you'll take things slow if that's what she needs but you want something permanent with her, that you want to be with her. You'll either scare her off or have her running into your arms but at least you'll know how she feels and in the long run that's a lot better then running around in circles. Goodluck hun

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What Guys Said 1

  • damn... id be p*ssed.

    sorry man that's some stupid sh*t.

    i personally would either directly address the problem or just give up on her.

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    • Yea this girl doesn't seem like she knows what she wants and bailing is easier then confronting the situation. she may like you or she may be dating a few guys and now she scared perhaps of it getting serious with you. Who really knows what makes a woman's mind run. I've been in similar situations, it sucks but you may have to move on and keep her on the back burner till she wants to move the relationship along, definitely stay out fof the friend zone.

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