How to learn to love my body?

I'm a overweight 20 year old young women. I have bad problems with my self image about how I look and my weight. I've had two babies already and it was left me feeling like I don't have a good looking body anymore. My breasts look saggy and droopy and so does my stomach. I have a little double skin I don't like. I don't mind the stretch marks. I would like to call them "souvenirs of motherhood". I don't like the way my teeth look. I find them crooked and I do have a overbite. I have a flat *** thanks to my native generics. My hair is curly, but frizzy and dry from dying it since I was 12 years old. And with things all together combined as well. It affects my relationship with my fiance as well. I don't feel like I'm sexy enough for him. My question is what are some things I can start doing to help myself feel beautiful and accept myself for the way I look. I'm tired of struggling with almost with it on daily bases. I just want to feel beautiful on the outside.

Updates:
With1st baby.Breastfeed him till 6 mo. Lost most of prego weight with him. Ended up164 lbs after. After that: stopped walking, eating good& started drinking. Ended up 190bs in 2yrs and had 2nd baby and ended up 240 lbs. Gained lost with her. Now 210 lbs
My height is 5'6. Want to be 164 lbs again :)
I've made it a goal to walk 45 mins 3x a week ,eat from the Canadian Food Guide & drink lots of water :)

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I'm gonna just speak from a man's point of view and please do not be offended in anyway by the way I word things. I have only the greatest intentions. For one looking at your photo I do not in anyway at all see where you have anything at all wrong with you. I think our society has way to often drilled into peoples heads that they have to be this thin body type. I for one and many of my guy friends agree with me in that a woman that has curves and fills out is so much more better looking that someone to thin. Now my personal thought; I have always always thought that a woman's body like you describe is amazing. There is something very special and attractive about a womans body after she's become a mother. I've been with several women that have given birth and know exactly what you're talking about when you say things like, saggy breasts and stomach. These discriptions are often if not always taken as a negative by the women that have them. They are not negative. Please know this. I like the "souvenirs of motherhood" that's more of a better way for me to describe how myself and many men like me find ladies such as yourself. I think you are extremely attractive and without a doubt know that you have a beautiful body. If your boyfriend tells you that you are sexy and beautiful and perfect then you have to listen. He's being honest with you. There are many of us guys that will always perfer a woman like you hands down. You are the kind that many of us search for and not the skinny or thin type women that have no curves or thickness. You have it...be proud and smile...good luck and tell you're boyfriend that I'm jealous ;) take care.

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    • Please don't be saying my type of body is amazing I have a fiance.

    • Ummm Question Asker, you have asked for everyones oppinion, and he has given his. He made a comment saying that your type of body is perfect for his personal liking, wich means, there would be lots of other men out there thinking the same, and others well, wouldnt. But as you just mentioned, you have a fiance, wich is great. you must not be that bad after all.

    • You are so sweet, man! I wish you weren't anonymous lol

What Guys Said 11

  • I remembered an aphorism shared with me many years ago when I read your question; "If you listen too carefully to what other people say they think of you then you risk living their life and not yours!"

    There are so many wise words in both gender answers to your question, I want to agree with the answerer who says there is a type of woman for everyone that likes that type of woman ... if I see a lady of generous proportions accompanied by a sylph-like lady it is the woman with the curves I am going to look at! Every man prefers different and many prefer the larger lady but bow to peer pressure and pretend to like slim.

    There is a Goddess within every woman and there is certainly a Goddess within you, you could lose weight using the excellent suggestions here but finding the Goddess to put the sparkle of "content-within" is essential to create the balance.

    I have no trouble seeing a potential Goddess in your picture - I just hope you will get where you need to be and I hope that coincides with where you want to be.

    I like the 'souvenir' expression a lot ... you need to know that some men like me find stretch marks sexually inspiring because they show your fecundity ... as I said - we are all different. And hey! We men can have the odd saggy area too, as another answerer says - we are all imperfect in some way - celebrate the positive; I am certain you will!

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  • The problem is your focused more on your low self image then on the fact you have someone who loves you and wants you. Get out of your head by doing things versus thinking about things and ultimately exercise will occur naturally and you will feel better seeing results from it. The more you think about your weight the less you will be moving around and finding activities that would result in results you desire concerning it. In a way its self foufilling prophecy you suffer from more than a weight problem.

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  • 1. You are good looking

    2. Be yourself. Accept it. Love it.

    3. Most of the stuff you listed, you have the power to change. You are fine as you are, but you have the power to change the way you feel about yourself.

    30 minutes 3 days a week on a treadmill going at a moderate pace(Enough to make you sweat the last 15 minutes) will show results in a month or less.

    There are many ways to heal hair...that these fine ladies can elaborate on.

    It's a mental game. Play it, beat it. You can do it.

    Start out each day with "I am me. No one else."

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    • Please don't say I'm good looking. I have a fiance

    • If you are not able to accept a compliment from a random stranger meant in a completely good-mannered way . . . .wow.

    • You say you don't look good. You do.

      you are just fine. take it as a compliment. I'm not hitting on you.

  • I think that your best bet would be to start off with some light jogging and progress into HIIT (high intensity interval training).

    Your diet would also have to be altered.

    Having said that, your fiance married you for you... and everyone is their own worst critic.

    Send me a message and if you want I can help you come up with something more in depth if you'd like.

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  • you look good , don't be ashamed of who you are, only shallow men really care if you have the "perfect body" real menn love a little cushion ofr the pushen

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  • Alright, Bio Oil for the stretch marks would help. Regardless if you don't mind them, taking care of yourself will unlimatley build confidence and make you more appealing to men. Pleas... PLEASE PLEEAASSEEE! LOSE THE FACIAL PEIRCINGS! no man over 15 find them attractive unless worn right and You aren't at the moment.

    Again, join a fitness group and you won't have to worry about you being "Overweight". People at local fitness centers will be more than happy in helping you better yourself. But only if you put forth an effort. I guaruntee you that almost any guy will feel attracted to a woman who has plans for their future, but only if you put them into action.

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    • I love my piercings, My fiance doesn't mind them. I find I look good in them. And I have future plans of getting my grade 12 diploma and becoming a nurse.

  • Update girly we is worried about you?

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  • Work out. Not only does it make you more physically fit, but it also circulates chemicals that make you feel much better about yourself and boosts your immune system. Really, nothing's more sexy than a woman with self confidence...

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  • So how is it coming along?

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  • i have seen your picture you looking nice a line say's in india you eat own desire but fashion is not your people look to you u think this not people then you live happy no think -ve .

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  • 2 babies at age 20... ? wow.

    well what do you think happens to your body when you pop out little screaming things? it doesn't stay perfect

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    • "well what do you think happens to your body when you pop out little screaming things?" ROFLMFAO!!!! hahahahahahahahahahahaha

    • :)

    • Haha that made me chuckle ;P

What Girls Said 24

  • i know the feeling so, sister, you are not alone. to be honest a lot of those things you CAN change..but the harsh reality is there will ALWAYS be something about yourself you don't enjoy.NO ONE is perfect and you are far from ugly. you should feel beautiful.i struggled with weight my entire life and I hated my hair, my teeth, my arms, my EVERYTHING until I realized that everyone else was just like me...imperfect. now I rejoice in my flaws because I know it makes me unique. how boring would it be if we were all the same. I wouldn't change much about me now because I have confidence in who I am... you're fiance isn't with you because you're ugly...hes with you because he finds beauty in you that he can't find in anyone else..CHARISH that.

    heres a little hint that I used to come out of my body image slump because changing these things about yourself isn't neccessarily going to change your mind set...everyday for thirty days take a sticky note and right something that you love about yourself...it doesn't have to be all image it can be anything..and post them on your mirror and look at them everyday..pretty soon your mirror will be full of things that sets you aside from everything else.let me know if you need any other advice.I , as well as so many other woman, have gone through this battle. its not a fun war to fight with yourself but its not an impossible one..good luck :)

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  • I struggle with this too. I don't really know what to do, but I have very recently started to run again, I used to run 5 1/2 miles a day (can't even run a half mile now) before I had children, got fat, stopped with the fancy clothes, hair and make-up.. Wow, this makes it sound as if I really let myself go.. I remember how good I felt though, and I really did, I want to feel like that again. I think you should find something that you love that you've forgotten about and try to regain some of the happiness you've lost through that, even if its only a couple hours a week, I know how hard it is to find time for anything besides "please let me sit on my ass for a minute" when running a household.. And just so you know I literally took 40 pictures of myself before I had one that I felt was good for a profile picture, wasn't easy. My boyfriend says it doesn't even look like me.. I've also tried telling him how I feel about myself hoping that he could help me feel better about it, he tells me he thinks I'm beautiful of course, but it doesn't help. This really is a problem that we need to try to handle on our own because no one can make you feel different about you. And I too have problems with this interfering in our relationship as well. I will keep in touch and if I find anything that helps a little, I'll let you know..

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  • Although I have not had any kids, I struggle with my weight (5'1 and 160lbs) and feeling pretty overall. All the way up until 10th grade I would wear huge clothes and anything to keep my face covered. The thing that got me out of that was my aunt. She would tell me all the time that I was beautiful and that there was no way a beautiful family like mine could produce anything ugly. She told me to stand up straight with my shoulders back and everything else would follow. So I started doing that. And I started telling myself everyday that I was the most gorgeous thing on earth. I started buying stuff that fit me instead of obsessing over the things that didn't fit. Stretch marks aren't going away. That's just a fact so I couldn't get too upset about that. I started working with my hair and seeing what worked and what didn't, and most importantly I started putting forth an effort to change. I stopped eating carbs for a while (which is why I'm down to 160 from about 190) and I started going to the gym. Now I'm in my 3rd year of college and if you ask anyone what I think about myself they will tell you I am fabulous. It's all about changing how you think. Instead of obsessing on what you hate about yourself, focus on what you love about yourself and work on the rest. Plus, you did the most beautiful thing a human being can do; you gave birth. Love yourself and you too can be a diva. Like me! (lol)

    I know that was long but the question really related to me...feel free to message me if you need a daily ego boost.

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  • I know the changes our bodies go through after pregnancy can be difficult to accept, but honestly I think we are also probably the ones who found fault with ourselves before pregnancy.

    The only way I have found to feel better about myself is to become active in making changes towards a goal. So, does that mean you can perk your breasts up with exercise, not really, but you can make your overall body look better and actually the process of making improvements is as important as seeing them.

    With all the stuff you list, I am just going to guess you are writing at a particularly down time and you don't always feel so awful about so many things. So, go on YouTube and search on curly hair conditioner, something like that and start watching some videos and buy some products (lots of inexpensive stuff that can help) and improve your hair, maybe a light trim as well. Go for walks or some form of exercise, change up some of your eating habits. You can find people on Youtube that give free advice as well on eating and exercise.

    Overall, just take charge of your life and you will feel better!

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  • first off, if you don't like the way you look physically, you must know that you have the power to change yourself for the better. there's no greater feeling than taking control of your life.

    i haven't had any kids, but I'm working on losing weight. almost lost 50 pounds so far. it wasn't easy, but I wasn't happy with my body especially since I'm only 21. this is the time of my life and I'm stuck in a rut because of weight? I woke up one more and said HELL NO, I'm DONE. lol seriously, I was hella p*ssed I sat around moping. you can't feel sorry for yourself because it'll make you pick up the chocolate cake even faster (trust me, I'm still fighting with my spoon from time to time, lol).

    working out not only makes you feel accomplished, it makes you feel like stronger and more in control. you'll notice a difference in your emotions before you even notice the weight loss, I'm telling you.

    as far as that hair goes, save up some money on the side for you (Yes, I'm telling you to do something for YOURSELF. I know with kids and a hubby, or even with just people in our lives in general, we forget about ourselves). anyway, save up some money and take your butt to a salon. tell them you want to get your hair in good shape. don't be afraid and let the stylist do their thing. cut your ends, deep condition, shampoo, and get a new style. you don't have to be drastic. your can get some curls or have it straightened. whatever it is, your hair will thank you for it. don't be shy to ask for advice about keeping up the hairstyle. get the products you need or at least listen for keys things such as "moisturizer" or "avocado" and see if you can find a suitable product from your local store to save some money.

    garnier has some lovely products and they smell GREAT, especially for frizz control.

    get your eyebrows and nails done. you'll feel so good after your treatment. let your hubby take you in and ravish you. girl, drop the kids off somewhere and remember you're young and need fun. have a date with your man somewhere and reconnect.

    i forgot to mention to buy yourself a matching bra and panties set. they feel good to have. hope that helps :)

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  • I have a male friend who was overweight about a year ago, he said he too hated how he looked and how he looked wasn't who he was inside. well, he said to me, he wasn't happy with who or how he looked, so he went on weight watchers and worked hard. now, he's really slim but he was very emotional at the time. You just got to be tenacious and keep focused on the weight goals, it's hard, I know because I was there for him the whole time and he gradually cut down his serving sizes and disciplined himself. the key is limiting caloric intake, and orienting your food towards low calorie, low fat alternatives and making sure you get enough fluids, sleep and de-stress yourself from time to time.

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  • First of all, I looked at your profile pic and I see a beautiful lady! :)

    I definitely know how it feels to be so unhappy with self image that it affects a relationship.

    You have to remember your fiance is with you because he loves you and already finds you gorgeous.

    The other things you described can either, like you said, be accepted or you also have the power to change them.

    The first step in accepting yourself is do something about the things you dislike. Start eating healthy and have a balanced diet. Work out at least 3 times a week. Not only will these things help lose weight and tone up, but your mood will improve, you will feel accomplished, your skin will glow, and you will be so proud of yourself! I always have to drag myself to the gym and I bitch and complain, but at the end of the day I feel amazing; it's totally worth it.

    Another thing you should consider is taking multi-vitamins and supplements. They make specific multi-vitamins for Hair, Skin, and Nails. That's what I take. I know taking calcium + magnesium helps aid weight loss as well and promotes better sleep! Never try diet pills! Those are really not even worth it. I've had bad experiences with those suckers.

    For your teeth, you could try to get them straightened and whitened. Also, the famous actress Gene Tierney had an overbite- she was incredibly gorgeous! Sometimes so-called 'imperfections' are what make people unique and pretty in their own way.

    I noticed we have similar hair types actually... I've been dying mine since I was about 13 as well. A tip that I personally rave about is OLIVE OIL. It is a life saver. I dye my hair every month and blow dry and flat iron it every single day. So damaging! It looks healthy, shiny, and damage-free though. Every month, I will designate a week to do hot olive oil treatments to my hair each night. I take about 1/4 of a Dixie cup full (those little bathroom paper cups) of olive oil and nuke it in the microwave for about 35 seconds. I apply it to my ends first and work my way to my roots. Then, I put my hair in a bun and go to sleep (I put a towel down on the pillow since olive oil stains fabrics). By the morning, most of it has soaked in but it still looks a little greasy- it varies depending on how dry your hair is. Usually, I will just wear it in a bun that day so I don't have to wash it but then I will the following day. I swear on my life this gets your hair back in good shape!

    Learning to love yourself isn't going to happen overnight. It's a process that will take some time, but you can do it! Remind yourself daily with positive affirmations and always think about your good qualities and what you love about yourself already. The more you keep up with taking care of yourself and treating yourself the way you deserve, the more things will fall into place and you will eventually be happy with who you are. Your babies love you, your fiance loves you, and you will too love yourself soon!

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  • I was struggling with this too. Mine was so bad from postpartum that I somewhat gave up. My kid would have poptarts for breakfast with OJ, then she would be sat in front of the television while I swam in my bed of self pity. I wouldn't eat or drink. I barely fed my child enough for her to stay healthy. I was sick and I made myself that way which only was multiplied by postpartum depression. One evening while I was fixing dinner I was chopping some vegetables and I blacked out from malnutrition. I woke up with a large bump on my head and a knife stabbed in the floor right beside my stomach. It was my wake up call.

    I know my situation is a bit more extreme than yours. I felt all the same feelings as you are now. YOU CAN CHANGE IT! The first step for me was exercising and eating right. I made it a habit of taking my daughter outside to play everyday. I would run around with her and experience things with her that she had seen for the first time. Birds, Squirrels, playing in the rain, flowers, you name it. The single act of playing outside with her changed my life. I was smiling because she was smiling and I was healthy because I was active and eating better.

    Everything else is slowly coming along. I too have teeth problems which stem from an idiot dentist that took advantage of medicaid when I was younger. Basically I went in for 2 fillings and came out with 16. Ridiculous stuff. Anyhow back on topic. I have had 3 kids. I'm almost 25. I still have small issues with seeing myself in the mirror but I'm slowly over coming that.

    We as women have to realize that we live in the real world. We're not in hollywood and we don't have the money to pay the doctors millions for corrective surgeries. WE are real women. Women that experience life and don't have the means to cover up our faults. The only thing we can do is embrace them.

    So I have started watching our budget to move forward with my dental correction to fix my under bite which has always made me uncomfortable for photos and around strangers. I even think I lost a job because of it. At this point I'm not sure if I will undergo a breast augmentation. My husband seems to have no problem with them and it's only me that's bothered.

    As far as feeling beautiful on the outside I wear light makeup, I experiment with hair styles, and I let my hair grow out to get rid of the dyed, dried, and breaking hair. I almost have all of that off but it does take time. I buy clothing when it's on sale and I play dress up with my daughters all the while just experimenting to see what I think looks good on me. My daughters love dressing up with me just as much as I love spending the time with them.

    It doesn't take extremes to be happy. It doesn't take money or a ton of effort. It just takes motivation. I'm still not a very motivated person being a stay at home Mom but I am much happier with myself now than I was 4 years ago.

    Life is a Puzzle and we're still putting the edges together to fill out the inside.

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    • I also wanted to say that if you want to talk to someone I'm all ears just drop me a msg if you would like my email or MSN/AOL/Yahoo IM screen name.

      If you would rather work it out yourself w/o added advice from me that's fine too. I wish you the best of luck!

      Bnwsmile

  • It seems like you're off to a good start, girl. I've and many other women have been there...where we feel not-sexy or feel bad about out image. First, you can read self-help books to boost your confidence...a good one is (The Confidence Course (7 Lesson You didn't learn in School)...I forgot the author but I'm pretty sure if you google it...you should find it. These type of books should give you tips to make you feel good about yourself. Next, you should stop the walking and start the RUNNING. Yes, running is good to shape your butt, legs...and try weight training to tone your breasts and arms. If you are NOT that good of a runner...start at your own pace--and then increase more and more and I promise you will get better and see changes in your body. About your hair/body...make a appointment to a salon and get your hair done and ask (the person who's doing your hair) how you can take care of it because salons ARE expensive. Next, it good to treat yourself to going to a spa or just to get a massage.

    But always remember...before you feel beautiful outside you must start within! Also involving your fiance...find ways to feel sexy around him and he can even help you. Good Luck girl! =)

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  • You had kids, your going to get fat. It took my awhile to get used to my body too like 9 yrs. And I have 5 kids, Your still young and being at the age I do understand not wanting to look big, going from 240 to 210 is good and its not as bad as it sounds either. I used to be 115lbs I'm 188 now. weight is just a number, it's mean nothing to some men and it looks like you are engaged so I'm guessing it means nothing to him, and he loves you for you , I'm sure you are a beautiful girl, and don't let anyone tell you other wise. Just start walking with the kids, eatting right and drinking water, water, water and it will be off it no time.

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  • Take you children on afternoon walks to the park and the beach and stuff, I mean, its not like it is that hard. If you really want to change something, you will do anything to change it.

    just get motivated and do stuff with your kids. that should give you more energy and tire out your kids. instead of driving to school, maybe walk. (depending on how far away you actuly live from the school).

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  • I totally agree with ironman and that one annonymous guy. There is something extremely beautiful after as woman gives birth! Don't worry about how others see you and just worry about how you feel about you and if you feel over weight there are many things that can happen in order to change that so you feel better. But you must know that BBW are beautiful and not all men love skinny ass women. Love who you are and the beautiful body that created beautiful babies!

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  • Working out, eating right, taking time to take care of yourself! Treat yourself to a bath, a pedicure, a massage. You sound more stressed out than anything. With kids, that's understandable. But you deserve to feel beautiful. I'm looking at your picture and honestly, I think you're gorgeous...

    If you read magazines or pay too much attention to advertisements; stop. All of those girls are products of photoshop. They're not real, they're just tools to make you beat yourself up so you'll go out and spend money on dumb makeup, and hair products that only ruin your hair (like you said.)

    Speaking of which- try Pantene. It's cheap, smells great, and it's awesome.

    I like what some of these guys are saying; I think they mean it. Don't beat yourself up.

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  • Working out will help you, even after just one exercise, to feel better. I don't know if your logical or creative, but doing something you lovevcan help you feel at ease.

    Another thing is, yes, you are a mother of two, thus you are more beautiful than that of some women. You are bautiful, wonderful, and I'm certain, loving. If you can hold love for your fiancé And your children, there's enough love in yourself for you. You're a goddess, just like what that other guy said.

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  • First of all, you need to change all things that you are able too.

    you are fat? Lose weight, eat healthy, exercise.

    you have dry hair? Buy good hair products to moisturize it. Stop dying it.

    once you are as good as you can be accept yourself and be proud of everything you've achieved.

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  • you just need to start eating more healthy and exercise. Also go shopping with your girlfriends, and get some new outfits. Also attend the spa at least once a month and enjoy a pedicure and manicure. Get a new hairstyle; get your hair trim or styled once a month :)

    Stay Beautiful,

    xo

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  • first of all, yer beautiful, everyone is ! start by letting yer best qualities shine, like if you like yer legs, show em off . if you like yer eyes, try some new eye shadows . do something new ! try a new hair color or cut . do something crazy like wear and outfit you never would .

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  • babies change your body.

    You need to look at yourself in the mirror everyday and name one thing you DO love about yourself.

    It will take time, but you wills tart to love your body.

    Have confidence, your hot!. =D

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  • not trying to be mean, but if your guy isn't into you because you have a few stretch marks and carring a little extra baggage after having 2 kids, I suggest you stop messing with b*tch men.

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  • since its been 7 months since youve posted this.. I was just wondering how you're doing now?

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  • dye your hair blonde, wear blue contacts and fly to Italy. guys will be kneeling at your feet ;P

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  • I'm sorry that you feel this way, It's a horrible way to live. Its a good thing that you have decided to start some kind of workout routine. Feeling good about yourself is going to be a long process but you will get there. Make a long term goal then make small ones to get there. Tell yourself you are going to lose 2lbs in a week and have a workout routine planned to meet those goals. Remember working out is not the only way to lose weight you need to be very careful of what you eat. It is going to be extremely hard at first but if you stick with it you will see results. For your hair I recommend S factor diamond dreams, it's a little expensive but it is amazing! it made my hair so beautiful. Remember to do your hair and makeup everyday, when you look in the mirror you will feel good about what you see. I hope this advice helps.

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  • i had the same issues with out the babies I found that running a few times a we (yes running like feet off the pavment) and it made me feel better. Sure my musles didn't like it much to begin with but it made me feel better about me and made me want to do better everyday. After the first 2 weeks it got much better. Best of luck and I weight 218 my goal is 164

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  • I am in a similar situation as you. What really makes me feel better is dancing to sexy music and shaking my ass. And doing some toning exercises. Get your hair and nails done too

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