Sick of this! What am I doing wrong?

I almost feel like hating myself for this..It seems like guys only want me for the way I look! It's so annoying! Like guys seem to think it's ok to touch me, but then if they like me they chicken out ( I never let anyone get too far, if you know what I mean because I don't want that before I actually have a boyfriend..)

I've never met a guy who actually was interested in me :S

Or no one has ever told ME they liked me and wanted to meet again, if they were interested they told my sister or my friends that they thought I was hot or lovely then it's like they disappear, I mean I never see them again or never hear from them again.. What's going on? So confusing!

I honestly don't know what I'm supposed to do, what am I doing wrong (I always try to be myself and all that)

I don't dress slutty or act like it or anything! I'm abit shy actually tbh

but It's not like I'm afraid of people and I'm not boring or weird or creepy at all! Seriously, What are they afraid of? :s


Most Helpful Guy

  • ok, first of all, the way you look is part of your portfolio just like your personality, intelligence, family, friends, wealth (yeah...), style, etc.

    secondly, its biologically viable to look for beautiful and symetrical mates because on average they're healthier which is one of the main reasons why beauty is such a strong value that overrides a lot of conscious thought in men

    now you may hate yourself for an attribute you just happen to have, but I'd advise against it because that would show that you are in short supply on another very important aspect: rational thought

    in short "dont hate yourself because you're lucky enough to be beautiful"

    accept that men are visual beings part of the way, and that's how far beauty will get you,

    for a full and well balanced portfolio, you also need the other traits I mentioned above, some of which you cannot change or influence, others however you can

    so while you can't change your family or basic intelligence, you can change your education, attitude, style or friends

    dont misundestand me though I'm not saying you should become or pretend to be someone else

    its rather to: "do not focus so much on one aspect of yourself but give the others some more attention and it might do you good"

    let me try to put it into a metaphor: suppose you meet a stray dog, and you carry some meat with you, instinctively they will be drawn towards you, just like beauty makes men flock around you, now it all depends on your action: do you ignore the dog, do you leave some food, or do you approach it, feed it directly and therefore create a connection and attachment

    each of these actions stimulates a different reaction in the dog,

    if you ignore it, it might follow you for a while but will leave rather quickly because its better off searching somewhere else

    if you just leave the food, it will most likely come close, try to snatch it, run away and eat it, staying away from you and maybe coming back later to see if you got more defaulting back to seaching somewhere else if you dont, and repeating if you do

    if you offer the food out of your hand, and have it come closer, feeding it little pieces while petting it, and getting it to acknowledge you it will be more cautious at first, maybe even run away once or twice but eventually come closer and start to look at you differently than the others - even start protecting you, showing affection, submission and anything a good dog is supposed to do ;)

    now if you can just stop looking at them like they're dogs looking for food I think you're off good

    but the behavior is the same, welcoming mimic and gestures, a warm smile, complimenting, yes even light petting can do wonders

    protip: become enthusiastic about something, not only will it raise your self-esteem from the feeling of no accomplishment, to one of personal success which is immeasurably more satisfying, it will also make you much more approachable because there are topics you can easily discuss without discomfort to him or you


    • Ok, I get what you're saying but I wouldn't say it's that easy though!

      I mean what if you do all those things to the 'dog' and it still runs away in the end? (and doesn't come back)

      and also, if a guy I like starts touching me and all I can't just let him do whatever he wants because I don't want him to think I'm easy and let him take advantage of me or anything (you know what I mean) it's really hard! :P

      (It's not like I'm dumb or poorly educated or anything! (straight A's and a few B's) :

    • Of course I described a very limited system, but it gives people something to think about while their instincts take over and the magic happens, ultimately you'd have to loosen up a bit, and be less afraid of being "easy" as well as take things into your own hands and try to escape the passive role but people don't get what and how you mean it if you put it bluntly, take it the wrong way and you wasted your time

What Guys Said 5

  • I don't think you're doing anything wrong. At 18, I would have been completely intimidated by a girl as beautiful as you. Just talking to you would have made me pee in my pants from terror. Touching Venus Di Milo is one thing. Thinking she'd actually like me would be too terrible to face if she didn't. The safest this would be to talk to her sister. Following through with the interest just would shake me down to the bone and make me run for the hills. Eighteen year old boys may like to talk and act big, but being faced with awesome beauty such as yours it would be easier to fight the grisly monster from Planet X.

    • Thanks!! :) I see what you mean :p it's just abit irritating sometimes when guys act like that, it's not like I'm going to hurt them if they talked to me (I mean I'd even prefer talking to touching ...) I get intimidated too, but I don't run away..

      Oh they're not all 18, most of the guys I've met recenlty are about 21, 22! and they still act weird :P

  • people are different to other people and not all situations are the same...this is what they mean by that chemisty may be interesting to one person but, that can be boring to someone just need to keep trying and learning...the idea is to recognize the signs so that you jump into the right situation...this takes experience and time...the thing you need to ask yourself is what do you want?

  • ohhh .. You seriously ve a complicated problem wid guys... or vice versa I suppose ...

    but its actually simple ... ask yourself this " who is the only person you ve ever been close with (it has to be a frnd ... and a boy too ... duh :) ..) "

    IF you have found him out ask him why he likes you , what does he see in you , how much he knows you truly, ask him what is the main reason for being with you as a frnd... if yu get all these answers then you could find out for yourself the answer for your question you posted... depends on how well you kno this guy...

    or IF you haven't found him out yet, then something that you are doing is really messing you up...something s wrong with you then...

  • maybe too pretty,

    i don't know how do pll in finland look like, but you are pretty, and if people around you weren't that pretty, you might stand as too gd for anybody, untill you make a first move

    in other words, everybody thinks you are taken, or some like dat.

    • Thanks :) I'll bear that in mind

      guess I just have to start being more courageous (not slutty though x) ) or sth..

  • well you are very beautiful. the men at your age that are going to feel comfortable approaching a women as beautiful as yourself are going to have gained confidence in things people should have gained confidence for. The good guys will come about later when they have confidence by doing things like gaining career skill graduating college just basically doing good things. getting an a in your physical chemistry class. things like that. so just hang on the boys will come around.

    • Yeah that's just what it's like! All the good looking guys act all tough but actually tey're not!

      The guys my age seem to be just wayy too immature or sth :p I just can't stand them,

      so the guys that are abit older (like 21, 22 or sth) seem to be better.. but they can act really weird as well! :p really all confusing :p

    • Older does not mean mature. the immature guys now are still going to be immature later. its how it is. I'm saying the mature guys that are your age don't have much confidence with women. put in the next few years they will get some. so just remember older does not mean mature.

What Girls Said 3

  • Guys are very visually oriented creatures and you're pretty, so of course you're going to get guys that are going to like you physically. I've had your problem for awhile and my friends have told me that guys are intimidated by me because of how I look. I think this goes for you too. Guys are afraid to approach you because you're pretty and pretty girls scare guys in some way because they don't want to be rejected. I guess all you can do is be patient and just keep living your life, focus on the things that make you happy and the right guy will come along one day.

  • hun, my moto is f*** them all. Simple. I just wait for the right guy!

    • Totally get what you mean! Kinda feel like that as well at the moment :p

  • you may not dress slutty, but it could still be about how you dress. If you wear short shorts like most girls... then it's still going to be "eye candy" to all the horny guys out there. And wearing a tight form fitting tank top is not going to help. Try wearing shorts that come to the length of your fingertips and a somewhat loose fitting baby doll sleeve shirt. It's modest but still cute. Don't show cleavage or any butt cheek lol. Try going to regular parks or sporting events where guys might be hanging out - don't meet guys at clubs or bars or anywhere that 'horny' guys that only want 'one thing' would be. If it's a place that guys "look for girls" specifically, it's not gonna work out. Also, try dating websites and only put pictures that are very modest and not showing your whole body in them. Talk to people on there and get to know them for a month or so before meeting. I met my boyfriend online and we've been together for a year now. :) Finally a guy that's not only about my chest. That was my problem too - for a long time guys only wanted to try to get up my shirt. Not cool. My tips will help - I guarantee it. You'll see. :) Best wishes!