When does being a "good girl" become a bad thing?

I'm 17 and don't smoke, drink or do drugs. I'm a virgin and I've only kissed one guy, my last boyfriend. I know most of this seems pretty obvious for a teenager even though I'm pushing 18 but a lot of the people I hang out with are older and drink, smoke, do some pot and aren't virgins. SO, when does my innocence start becoming crippling naivete? do you think this will get in the way of me dating one of the guys that is more experienced?


Most Helpful Guy

  • A white napkin is as "bad" as a black one.

    In all honesty, you're not really missing out on much. Drinking, weed, sex, etc. Drugs is a whole other story; never do drugs. But all of those things are just an over-rated experience. That's it.

    Drinking is an over-rated experience. I've never "not remembered what happened last night". Weed is an over-rated experience. My brother has never "seen rainbow colored unicorns". Sex is an over-rated experience. It'll never meet your expectations. It'll always fall short of what you desire.

    Are the people who have done those things "bad"? No. Are the people who haven't done those things "bad"? No. Are they "good"? No.

    None of those things call one's morality into question.

    The only thing they imply about the person's character is how "inhibited" the person is, which is yet an other proxy for the key psychological trait, which is how "suggestable" the person is.

    If you throw the following statements at two different people (one more suggestable than the other):

    - If you don't eat all your veggies, Santa won't give you any presents!

    - There is a man in the sky, his name is God, and he's way better than Allah, Buddah & Jews!

    - If you have sex, with someone other than your husband, then nobody will marry you!

    - Did you know that salmon makes you fat? I read it on Cosmo, AND saw it on Oprah!

    The person who is more "suggestable" will respond to these statements, while the person who is less suggestable will ignore them. These two people can be of the same moral character, but their suggestablity could be very different.

    I think what you're worried about, to phrase it more accurately, is the possibility that you might be attracted to a guy who isn't that suggestable.

    If that's the case, then, it's not that "being a good girl" is "bad". It's just that, to a guy like that, what YOU consider a "good girl" and what he considers a "good girl" are two very different things.

    The bigger problem would be with the issue of sex.

    Chances are he's not saving it for Jesus, or for marriage, or for "the one". Why? Because he's a bad person? No. Simply because he's not suggestable, and therefore, hasn't developed any inhibitions with respect to sex.

    Are you a bad person because you may be suggestable or inhibited? Again, no. You're just different.

    You'll be happy to find a guy who thinks the same way, and is okay with waiting until you feel comfortable, the time is right, determine he's the one, you two get married, your parents approve, Jesus approves, or all of the above.

    He'll be happy to find a girl who wants to have sex with him, and they both have sex when they feel like having sex. (Hmm, I just realized that sentence was way too short in comparison to the last one, so it's only fair to add some more stuff at the end of it to make it comperable in size. Okay, I'm done)

    • Well, I'm sort of confused, because I abhor religon, and I don't abstain from drugs and drinking because of any adopted dogma. I also don't beleive things I read in cosmo. I don't read cosmo. so, I'm not sure if I'm really in either camp that you described. I'm not "saving it for marraige" I even think that the sexual suppression of America is kind of rediculous and insane....I'm just sort of into the "respect thing" if you know what I mean.

    • No. What do you mean?

    • Like, I don't abstain from sex because I think I will go to hell if I don't, but I don't go around having sex with random people because I want to wait for a quality relationship with someone beforehand because that's showing them that I respect them, and myself. I also don't do drugs because I like the way I am without altering my mindset, and I find that most people take your more seriously if you aren't a pothead.

What Guys Said 3

  • Being a good girl isn't a bad thing. Being a self-righteous bitch is a bad thing, or thinking your a nice girl when you're actually a total bitch is a bad thing. I'm not saying you're either of these things, but that's what's bad.

  • I don't think it becomes a bad thing. I think that it is sexy (and refreshing) to hear of a girl like you. Any genuine guy that wants to date you won't care about you not having experience. That aspect of you would be a good thing in my eyes :)

  • I hope you're right path always do such a smart step..


What Girls Said 1

  • Honey, I'm almost 21 and I'm the same as you. All of my friends drink and smoke and aren't virgins. I've actually found that a lot of guys like hearing about my innocence. A lot of guys have respect for girls like us. Surprisingly, some of the guys that have liked me in the past were very big on drugs and drinking and even they LOVED that I didn't do it. I was out with friends the other night and everyone was drinking. The guy I'm interested in drank a little, but barely, even though he is rarely big on drinking. He told me he didn't want me to be uncomfortable since I was the only one not drinking. He wanted to make sure I had something I could trust and talk to that was sober.

    • Hi five! sounds like you've got a keeper.

    • Hahaha I'd like to think so, but then at times it seems like I put effort in and he doesn't. So maybe not.