FAIL - This girl being the aggressor thing doesn't work?

Okay I've been on here and took the advice for what you guys say the average guys likes, thinks, and all that jazz but I think you're all wrong.

Okay in two situations I tried this being the aggressor thing out.

I mean initiated convo with guys that seemed interested in me, confirmed they were interested, actually said they want to talk to me when I straight out asked them, had some nice laughs and good convo, and I flirted more obviously but guess what how is it they both stopped talking to me and went out and chased other girls?

We talked for months and all that. So I'm not taking that "maybe he's shy...maybe he's seeing mixed signals/don't want to be hurt" stuff.

I think you guys are fibbing. You would rather chase girls and play games then have one be upfront and honest with being interested.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Kudos to you for at least making an effort.

    I think the advice you are getting from men who suggest being the aggressor are the men who have problems with initiating with women. And I think the guys you are going after are not guys like that - therefore they have a different idea of the mating game.

    I agree with Gregs - it's going to be hit and miss depending on the person, as it is with a man chasing a woman. Some guys are going to be more traditional while others will welcome the change of pace - unfortunately it isn't something you can tell right off the bat.

    I honestly think that men who run from women who go after what they want are confused - change is hard to take and they may feel uncomfortable with something they don't consider normal.

    The only advice I can give you is to stick with what's comfortable with you. Personally, I wouldn't want to be with a man who was afraid to be with an aggressive woman, mostly because I'm not only aggressive romantically. We wouldn't fit emotionally or mentally. I have to have a guy whose okay with my personality. Guys like the ones you've encountered aren't attractive to me. For you, it may be something you can understand - knowing how rigid some traditions are and how unthinkingly men follow that just because "it's the way it's done".

    Good luck - I hope you figure it out.

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    • Okay thank you that's what I thought "not too many guys may like this".

      Yeah I guess it was a nice hmm...experiment. I like being the shy girl and the guy taking charge and being aggressive towards me. It was something new...out of my comfort zone and I don't I would do it again at least not soon.

What Guys Said 4

  • I will offer that the most compelling girls are ones who are dead attractive, but to all appearances seem indifferent to dating and mating. Like, they couldn't be bothered. That gets my attention like nothing else. Being aggressive is just a giant turn off. It's too obvious. Subtlety is far far better.

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    • Yeah that's how I pretty much am. I just tried this because to be honest I hate playing games and I came here with flirting/dating problems and the guys kept advising and saying "why don't you just make the move, call, talk to him, guys really get turned-off when they girls act like they don't care, etc." I came to the conclusion guys really like a challenge not an upfront girl.

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    • Lol I'm a virgin soo....

    • So much the better. Me too.

  • Welcome to the guys world! How many girls do you think a guy has to approach before having a relationship come out of it? its a lot so if your going to be the "aggressor" get ready to be rejected a lot

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    • I mean why am I rejected though? I'm attractive but not arrogant, fun to be around (everyone stays laughing with me), have great convo, and they all say that they're attracted to me sexually. I'm not some lame that doesn't have any game and tries helplessly. I'm laid back and cool about it but I get nothing.

      I'm not doing this revolutionary women do the work crap if I'm not getting any results.

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    • But it still failed...

    • Go approach another 10 guys then come back and tell me it doesn't work

  • I would rather chase girls- nope.

    I would rather play games- nope.

    I'm fibbing- tell it to my ex.

    I kind of doubt that anybody in the WORLD, male or female, has at least a 50% success rate with asking people out. What would you think if a guy decided to stop asking girls out after being rejected twice? Hell, I would have stopped a long time ago if that was the case.

    Just because a lot of guys like it when girls ask them out doesn't mean that they're guaranteed to date you. I don't care how attractive, fun, social, and sexy you think you are, you aren't going to succeed at every attempt. If you are expecting to, or are at least expecting a 50% success rate, then you need to come off of your high horse.

    For that matter, at your age level, a lot of guys aren't even going to be interested in a relationship. If a guy doesn't want to have a girlfriend, he's going to reject you, simple as that (unless he thinks he can get into your pants).

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    • I mean you're a guy that's pretty much how the role has been for a guy ..to ask the girl out and make moves. I was doing this because guys kept saying girls should do all that because it'll just be easier to get into a relationship.

      But anyways okay thanks.

    • Btw I don't think I'm all that attractive, fun, or social I mean I have confidence but yeahh...They tell me this a lot so that's why I mentioned this. I would've just thought oh maybe he didn't think I was cute, I was boring, etc. but they told me this constantly when they were laughing hysterically or I slightly hinted the question towards it so I can make sure.

  • I can't really help you here, for most of the questions I answer, I speak for my own opinion and not all guys. I can say that the questions I answer I am being honest, but in cases where I speak for guys in general, I'm also known to be wrong sometimes. I can honestly say that I've never stopped liking a girl because she asked me out, and that I hate it when girls try to play games instead of being honest. I guess I don't want you thinking that all guys out there are also liars.

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    • Haha no I don't think all guys are liars...just on this site. jk but I think the guys here are holding back some vital info or detail that makes us girls think we're doing something wrong.

What Girls Said 1

  • For a start, I think the first flaw in this argument is referring to the woman being the 'Aggressor'. You need to be 'Assertive', not aggressive. These two terms are often confused and they are completely different. Google it.

    I am an assertive and confident woman that has always aimed to be honest and upfront with guys. I don't like bullsh*t, and I won't tolerate bullsh*t, so I want to attract guys that feel the same way. I never have trouble meeting and attracting guys, and get rejected rarely. Sometimes I do attract the wrong ones because that's just probability. Sometimes I attract the right ones, but they seem to be fewer. Not having enough detail though about your sitch, my advice would be, just stick to your guns, be confident, don'y be afraid to take the lead, ask the guy out if it feels right or hang back if it doesn't, don't worry about rejection and you will find a guy that has the same values and loves that about you. You don't need to change or accept anything less, but don't get jaded! You've just got to weave your way through the liars until you get to the gold. Guys, I'd recommend the same, because let's not deny women can lie too!

    ...and stay away from any guy that reeks of 'The Game'. If you're not aware of this book, look it up. It's about how to (apparently) pick up women. Read it if you can. I think every woman should read it so she knows the kind of behavior that she should steer clear of. I've experienced guys using these techniques on me more lately, and it's a big turn-off.

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