Will a girl ever chase after a guy?

I'm taking this class and there's a girl in it who I like. She seems to really like me, but I'm not certain I really have the time for a relationship. Basically if she likes me enough, then I think she should pursue me, because I'm not going to put much effort into the relationship in any case.. I mean I'm willing to pay for the first few dates and whatnot, but beyond that, it wouldn't be worth it. If she wants me bad enough to where she will do most of the work, then she should pursue me (ask me out). Sound like a good plan?

Just noticed I spelled "chase" wrong lol


Most Helpful Guy

  • Your questions — "Why don’t my interactions with women lead to the next step?" and "Why do men have to make the first move?" are related.

    Your conversations with women are not moving into the next level — priming dates, seduction dates, and so on — because you are failing to understand one of the harsh fundamentals of dating: You are responsible for making the first move, AND you are responsible for making EVERY SINGLE MOVE thereafter. She does nothing. She is along for the ride. YOU make every initiation.

    Before we get into the specifics of what you need to be doing next, let’s talk about this a little, because it is such a big deal for so many men. Dating is not fair. This is important for all the men reading this to remember, because we all slip into this "dating should be fair" idea from time to time, and become slackers around taking responsibility for our dating lives.

    Look, there’s good news and bad news about having to initiate everything with a woman. The bad news is, it’s a lot of work. The good news is, YOU get to say when your interactions with women happen. YOU have power to make them happen or not. Another way to say this is to say that part of the harsh terrain of dating is that you have to initiate everything, most of the time. But if you are willing to live with that truth, you have a lot more power than you realize.

    Actually, it’s a lot like the rest of life.

    You must initiate the first conversation. You must keep that conversation alive, about her and things she cares about. You must flirt with her and do the basic flirting moves.

    You must arrange to see her, and flirt with her again, which you are probably not doing. You must arrange to be able to have flirting conversations with her as many times as it takes to establish to her the most fundamental formula in dating: she must believe that seeing you = pleasure for her.

    Then you must ask her for either her email address, her phone number, or if she’d be willing to go out with you for a cup of coffee. We like to say something like, "Wow, you seem really cool. What would it be like if we went out for a cup of coffee sometime?" Then either get her number, email address, or set the date right then. Make it clear to her that it’s just a coffee date, "for an hour or so."

    Then you must initiate setting up the date, giving her the options and times of when and where to meet (do NOT leave this in her lap. Never say, "Oh, I don’t know, when can you do it...?" Give her options.). Then you must handle the date, go for the first kiss, set up the seduction date, EVERYTHING.

    Like the old saying goes, "Initiate or Masturbate."

    • Personally, overall, eventhough according to those guys who wrote that, they say that it gives us power to make them happen or not, but still, I don't like it, because girls still have more power because all they have to do is welcome or reject advances, I still think girls have it easier, and I hate that last saying at the end, it is very cold and brutal, ruthless

    • Show All
    • Yeah, Ron Louis and David Copeland wrote that

    • It's so much easier for women

What Girls Said 5

  • It's possible, I feel like it would depend on the girl... some girls are more comfortable chasing after a guy than others. I think at some point though, if you make her do most of the "work" she'll interpret it as disinterest and move on.

    Also the fact that you're counting on her to do all the work and you don't want to put in much effort... is a huge red flag to me.. I feel like if you were really into this girl you would want to put in the effort...

    In brief, I think your plan is terrible... and you are just setting up this girl to get hurt...

    • Maybe I used the wrong words. It's that she wouldn't be the top priority in my life, so I expect her to be independent and not playing games, needing constant attention, etc. In other words I have lost patience with it, because it previous relationships, I'd have to constantly work to prove I like someone, and it is very draining. I have no problem being loyal, if my needs are being met sexually.

    • Hm well, I suppose that's fair enough.. I guess just be honest from the beginning on what you're looking for and remember that it takes two to make a relationship.. best of luck.

    • I Agree 100% with this answer

  • Sounds like a stupid plan that only a jackass would come with , it been down in history the man makes to moves, do something simple if you are cheap and don't want to take her anywhere or tell her up front if you like to get together and do something we but its dutch style.She pays for herself and you pay for your self. Why put anymore head game into this cat and mouse game. be a freaking man about instaead of being a pussy.

    If you can't be upfront with her then you are not mature enough to date...

    • If being a man means getting taken advantage of... then I'd prefer not. Because I've followed all those rules and the girl gets everything she wants, but then when I want something it's being selfish. lol. I'm not playing games... I'm playing for my own interests.

  • about half the guys I dated I was the aggressor, I asked them out and initiated, if there is a guy I am interested in, I won't hesitate to make my move

  • I actually do not know what type of girls you hang around. If she's like me, I'd say it's a horrible plan.

    I remember that my first love, and I am ashamed to call him that, made me chase after him. I did most of the work. All of the work he did was to make excuses. What a man. I didn't even get a hug. He strung me along and dumped me at his convenience. In retrospect, it was pretty cruel. I gave him a b-day, v-day present. He preferred the club over my birthday party. I should have been smarter, but that was my first love. It cut me pretty deep and I still do hurt. Please don't do that.

  • What the heck... if you don't like her enough to chase after her yourself, then don't date her at all. Don't waste your time and her time.

    • How is it a waste of time? It seems like all the girls I've chased after, want you to keep chasing well into the relationship.... they always set up games, and continue playing hard to get to see how much you like them. Why shouldn't I be able to turn the tables around on her? I'm tired of playing games, and I don't even have the time or patience for it anymore. Especially when I can have sex with other girls anytime I want to anyway.

What Guys Said 4

  • some girls do but the overwhelming majority do not, it sucks, dating and relationships is not fair, well it's more fair for guys than it is for girls, it's so much easier for a girl to get a boyfriend than it is for a guy to get a girlfriend, because us guys generally have to initiate everything with girls.

    • I completely disagree with this. Guys never initiate, not until they know for certain you are interested. And even at that some of them leave it all up to you. I WISH guys initiated it all! My life would be so much easier! It's only if you give a guy the green light he willl move closer. But he still won't make the first move. I want a guy who will ask to take me out, and who will arrange stuff like you said, and will go for the first kiss. But this is not reality unfortunately. We have to do it

    • As you should have to do. Because when a guy initiates anything he takes the risk of the law getting involved. It doesn't even matter what the guy's story, anything a female tells police is taken as pure truth. I don't even really trust an average girl to have sex with, because she could say it was rape or try to get pregnant... I only trust hookers since they don't know who I am or where I'm from.

    • My bad, I mean that dating and relationships is more fair for girls than it is for guys

  • Well look at it his way, she needs to see a mutual sense of effort into it, or she may even feel the very same way, yeah? She will chase you, if you make her and give her something to chase after, keep that in mind too.

  • if a girl likes you she will pursue you, or at-least give you hints for you to ask her out.

  • I agree with you 100%. If they want you bad enough she will chase you. If not then oh well.