What are some signs to look for to see if he wants more?

Went on two dates with this guy. He probably has some low self-esteem, like always saying he's not good enough, no accomplishment, and doing nothing productive etc. and he'd be saying how successful I'm and have everything blah blah blah. He asked things like, "you'd probably don't want to see/hang out/talk with me again?" for quite a few times, like after our dates or talking on the phone. I feel like he's just worrying too much?

It seems like he always worries if he'd give the "wrong answer" when I ask him questions, so sometimes he just wouldn't answer my questions, or he'd say, "you'd probably don't like me because of this"/"It's not how you think. It's not something bad" after answering the questions. I forgot what I asked the other day, probably something related to relationship or dating something like that, he answered but then looked at me and asked cautiously, "That's not the answer you're looking for right?" I told him, "I'm not looking for anything" (I mean, I was just trying to have a conversation to understand him more, there's no standard answer or whatsoever). I don't know if he took it the wrong way or what. Then he said things like, "I'm not looking for anything neither. Just want to hang out and have fun", "I'm not "the one" you know. I'm just not good enough" and that he's "not the boyfriend material." etc. and he said so we're friends now.

But he doesn't act like just a friend. Like he'd call/text me everyday. He got jealous when he saw me on the street with another guy. And it seems like he wants me to be at home, like he worries if I'd be with another guy if I'm not home; he didn't say that, but I can kinda tell from his tone after I answer him where I'm at. One time I called him back after getting his message. He was with his guy friends and I don't know if he's different when he talked with me or what, so after like a minute or less, his friend got all excited and surprised and screamed next to him, "Is that your girlfriend?!?!" and screamed at the phone, "Hey! I'm xx" I was kinda shocked like thinking "what's going on?" in my head. He got all happy and asked, "Did you hear that?" I was still in shock and I couldn't process, so I was like, "huh? what?" and he just laughed, didn't say no or anything. We kept talking for a while and he told me where he was going and who he was going with when I didn't ask. I was actually surprised when he told me the names of his friends who he's with. And if I was him, I would have said "no" directly when the friend asked if I was the girlfriend because I don't want to cause confusion or have my friends think that I'm taken when I'm not, or maybe that's just me?

So now I'm confused because what he's telling me is kinda different from what he's doing. Guys always say that they mean what they say, but at the same time, actions speak louder than words, so should I just take his words - that he only wants to be friends - or does he want more?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Well I believe he does have low self-esteem. It seems like he believes no matter what he says or do he'll never be good enough for you. Although that seems like a bad thing its really not,becuz it means he cares bout how he acts when he's around you. His actions says he likes you more then a friend. And Guys aren't gud at tellin girls how they feel. So that's why I say follow his actions and don't listen to his words as much.Hes trying to reach out to you but in his mind he thinks he's doing something wrong to upset you. And that makes him want to give up. So what you NEED to do is ensure him he doesn't have to be scared or worried what he says around you. You need to make him feel more comfortable and tell him he can say anything that's on his mind. If you do this I'm sure he'll be much more comfortable and he'll open up more. And there you go a happy ending. :)

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What Guys Said 3

  • He wants more. He obiviously suffers from very low self esteem. Try giving him little compliments to try to build him up and believe in himself. It may take time but you can help him and he needs you.

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  • Has this guy ever had a girlfriend? Maybe that's why he is so down. And maybe hardly any woman has ever showed interest in him and that's why he has low-self-esteem. You're probably the best looking woman that has shown interest in him and finds it hard to believe that someone like you is into him. Give him encouragement. Maybe he just needs one woman to believe he's not a bad person and then, he will have a higher-self-esteem.

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  • ya

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What Girls Said 6

  • He is worrying too much. It sounds like he doesn't want to f things up. And, telling you who he's with, exactly who he's with...I would think he was doing that to assure you he wasn't out with other females.

    I get what you mean about the "I'm not looking for anything" answer...you had no expectations about what his answer was going to be.

    I hear that once a guy tells his friends about a girl, well, that means something. If his friends know about you, he's obviously talked about you with them (and from what you type, it seems like it was good thing).

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  • Wow, I hope he gets over his insecurities soon because that is not how a relationship can work out with one always out trying to please the other one and being scared not doing everything right...and always talking about it.

    The way you describe him he seems to be both insecure and pretty smug about his insecurity, this would so get on my nerves. I mean you wanted to have a conversation with him and he's just talking about right and wrong with you actually showing no sign of approval or disapproval. I think that's really self-centered in a way.

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  • NOOOOO! he likes you so much,cant you see he obviously wants more. but you said your no looking for anything,in terms of answers. but he took it to mean in terms of a relationship,and then quickly said he's not looking for anything too. because he has such low self esteem that he didn't want you to think he would ever even think of wanting more from someone so "above him" like you. He really likes you and got happy when his friends though you were his gf,or w.e he obviously likes you and wants to be with you. He sounds like a nice guy,why does he have such low self esteem though? is he a nerd,or unnatractive or something? and by the way what are you going to do? please post updates this is interesting!lol :)

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    • I'm not sure about if he likes me a lot or what. We don't talk/text everyday anymore, but he checks in with me 2-3 times a week to see how things are, not long talks though. He just called and said he hasn't been doing good and that he screwed himself up. I let him know I'm here if he wants to talk, he can just call if he wants to hang out, and tried to cheer him up. I mean, we're just "friends" now, no string, and I don't want to push hard. He gotta show me he wants me, if he does.

    • I don't know exactly why he has low self-esteem. It might only be when he's around me? because in comparison (which he brought up), I've a better job, better education, a nice car, better life, better personality, nice look and body etc. According to him, I have "everything". He's not a nerd. Actually he's a relatively good-looking guy and he got girls hitting on him (he told me), so I don't know. I've been telling him he's good but he'd just say he can't get anything right etc.

  • he will tell you and talk baout the future just back off a bit do your own things have a girls night out tell him don't tex or rings him for 2 days see what happens

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    • I never called/texted him first, always just returning his calls or msgs only. He'd just check in to see how things are every 2-3 days. He did talk about what he wants to do in the future but we didn't really talk about anything deep. I guess he doesn't feel comfortable. He doesn't really trust people and he told me that I shouldn't be trusting anyone neither, not even him, because anyone could lie to you.

  • insecurities are really unattractive. but it does seem to me, that he does want something more. just shy and nervous. but hey if you like him then give him a shot. maybe hell be more confident if he knew you felt the same way as him.

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  • if this guy is such a downer and has low self esteem I wouldn't bother with dating him. a guy who is that insecure and doesn't even like himself is gonna be nothing but a drag later on down the line, especially if you're doing more with your life than he is. you don't have to play captain save em with these guys, if he isn't adding anything positive to your life then why do you need him? you could be a friend but if you date him you're just downgrading

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