Girls; Would you sign a pre-nup? Why or Why not?

Why or why not?

P.S. If you absolutely cannot refrain from saying something to the tune of:

- If he's already planning on leaving me

- If he's already thinking about divorce

- If he really loves me, he would never

- Marriage is about (trust, love, etc)

then I suppose go ahead; but I'm genuinely interested in actual legitimate reasons.

  • Yes
    55% (54)64% (23)57% (77)Vote
  • No
    45% (44)36% (13)43% (57)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy
Updates:
To be fair to the female population (I'm not sure why guys cast their votes); it seems to be pretty divided; practically a 50/50.
As of 9/15/10, Girls saying YES, (41); Girls saying NO, (35)
As of 9/18/10, Girls saying YES, (44); Girls saying NO, (36)
As of 9/29/10, Girls saying YES, (46); Girls saying NO, (38)
As of 3/28/11, Girls saying YES, (49); Girls saying NO, (41)
As of 6/20/11, Girls saying YES, (51); Girls saying NO, (43)
As of 12/22/11, Girls saying YES, (53), Girls saying NO, (43)

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Well I would not want to sign one basically because of the reasons you mentioned.

    There should be no doubt on either side that the marriage will last. If there is, then I don't think the two should get married. Going in with the mindset that "we may fail" could subconsciously deteriorate the marriage. Kinda like the 'tattoo curse' that we have heard about. As soon as you get a tattoo of your significant others name, the relationship fails. Bad analogy really...

    But anyway, moving on...

    I also don't like the idea because it undermines the core vows. The "til death do us part" vows, etc. Its like you're standing up there, saying all these things about promising to be by each others' sides forever, yet you signed a paper acknowledging that the marriage may fail. Like, what the hell, it doesn't get much more contradictory then that.

    Also, a prenup makes it much easier to get out of a marriage that may be in a rut. Whereas if there was no prenup, the 2 people may realize that there is a lot at risk with the failed marriage, and put in more effort to make it work and come out on top.

    I guess I'd consider myself old fashioned. When I get married, I don't want us to have any suspicions that 'it might not work', and I want us to be wiling to do whatever it takes to get through if things get rough. I want my marriage to last forever. Just like their supposed to.

    Marriages are far too casual these days, in my opinion.

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    • The problem is that there ARE circumstances beyond your control that can bring your marriage to an end. To make that vow is to make it based on things you cannot control. That's the issue. No matter how hard you work you can't compensate for the other person. So really, what's wrong with an insurance policy?

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    • What if you get married in your mid-20's, and he develops an illness or sustains an injury that leaves him permanently disabled? Till death do you part? What if he shows you his true colors only after marriage? Gay? Pedofile? Abusive? (the list can go on) Till death do you part? I'm sure the lawyers would be thankful you didn't consider ahead-of-time the possibility, but are you insisting that you would stay together no matter what? That vows are more important than your life?

    • If things drastically changed to where my LIFE was in danger, I would get a divorce and not care about what material possessions or money I would possibly lose.

      If he became disabled, I would stay by his side and help him any way I could. That's true love.

      If he lost his job/became a volunteer, I wouldn't care. While having money is helpful and necessary, I would never divorce someone because he wasn't making money. I'd live under a bridge if I was truly in love with the person

What Girls Said 25

  • I for sure would sign one. I don't have a lot to my name, nor do I come from a wealthy family by any means, but my guy has done very well for himself before he met me and as far as I'm concerned, that's his money/stuff and what he shares with me is by his terms and I feel thankful for it. I understand some guys have been hurt or taken advantage of and are afraid everything will be gone if things go downhill, so I'd be willing to give him that assurance.

    I hope that he wouldn't have definite lines between my stuff and his (assuming we are both working hard and trying to do our best in life) but a pre-nup? Sure. It's just a legal form for just in case, so it can't hurt..

    However, when it comes to marriage and children are in the picture, I think you need to be certain that he's not gonna take the house, furniture, etc. and leave you and the kids in the dust.

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    • No provision in a pre-nup, dealing with children is enforceable.

      Very interesting. Why do you feel some women might take a difference stance than yours?

    • I don't believe I said I feel some women might take a difference stance, but I suppose I do. Everyone has their own feelings on the subject, I think its a very personal thing that depends on one's history and current circumstances, among other determinants.

  • A pre-nup can benefit both parties. It can include situations about pregnancy, infidelity, and both parties' income and assets.

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  • I would because you never know what's gonna happen, plus I would want to protect my money if I ever got rich and divorced.

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  • I just wouldn't want to marry someone who was so obsessed with their material posessions. That's all.

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  • yes I would but I would have stipulations in it. as in if he cheats the pre-nup is void, if he is abusive the pre-nup will be void. I would also have it where every so many years of marrige I would get a certain amount of money. so yes I would sign one with those things in the pre-nup.. I'm not stupid I'm not about to make it where I get no money but if the pre-nup has those things in it then sure I will sign one

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  • I don't care about money / assets / worth when it comes to love and family and I expect my partner to be the exact same to put family first. However, If he did ask me to sign a pre-nup tho Id probably shove those papers up his ass and leave him :P because he is not the person I thought he was.

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    • Interesting. What do you feel is bad or negative about a pre-nup?

    • A pre-nup to me just says a lot about a person just by a single document.

      When a person already thinks about their financial situation even PRIOR to an unsuccessful marriage, they are not committed.

      I agree with being realistic but the issue of a pre-nup is more of a "ready if things go bad". when you go into a marriage you are not supposed to think of the "what ifs $$$" you're supposed to think "how can WE make this work" (whatever the circumstances, some restrictions obviously do apply) lol

    • also, its not about money whatsoever. I go to university and am planning to make lots of it ON MY OWN :P lol

  • Well, the last two I think are legitamate reasons. :) But I marked no, because I won't get married, no easier way to not lose your "stuff" then to not get married in the first place. ;)

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    • You wouldn't get married altogether just to be sure you would have no risk of losing your "stuff?"

    • Well, I thought it was apparant with the ;) face that that part was a joke. But no I really don't plan on getting married, at least not for a long time, because of things like pre-nups and such, just proof of how week marriage values are. And I won't get married if divorce is even remotely an option. So maybe when I'm way older it'll happen. But not any time soon, that's for sure.

  • As I know I would never want to take anyone's money or assets that they have worked hard for themselves I'd have no problem signing a pre-nup and also to protect my own money and assets. I think it's an overly romantic and idealist way of looking at things to think marriage is all about love and never goes wrong, as it can go wrong and if it does it's not guaranteed that that person your marrying will behave the same as they did when they were in love. In a world where there is a high divorce rate and divorces can get extremely petty and bitter it's sensible to take precautions even if they seem necessary.

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    • Very interesting. why do you think some women might be opposed to the idea?

    • I don't think it's just women who may sometimes be opposed to it, anyone who sees marriage entirely about love and romance and doesn't get that it's always a legal contract may be opposed to the idea. I think sometimes you have to think with your head and not let your heart make all your decisions but I guess some people disagree with me on that.

  • I feel that one If you are getting married and have to sign something that say this this and this will happen when it over than you really do not have faith that your relationship is going to last... Honestly if you got a lot of money and I don't and we have to sign a pre-nup then the relationship is going to be based of materialistic things and that is not what love and marrige is all about!

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    • If you have absolute faith the relationship would last, what harm is there in surrendering claim to half of the other person's assets?

      If you can't bear to surrender claim to half of the other person's assets, then can you really say you're unconcerned with "materialistic things?"

      If you believe materialistic things are not what love and marriage are all about, then isn't an agreement taking money out of the picture accomplishing making your marriage exactly about love only?

  • I would sign a pre-nup for one of two reasons, if either he has significantly more money than me, or that I have than him. I think there are too many scavengers out there and when there is significant difference in equity it is fair for the more wealthy one. I really would not trust the less wealthy person to exit the relationship with their small, fair share, when they could possibly take half the wealth. The temptation would be too great for most people.

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    • Money is a common reason to be pro-pre-nup, and it makes the most sense. But what about any other reasons besides money? What if someone pours sulfuric acid over his face? What if he suddenly develops bi-polar or schizophrenia? What if you discover some hidden or latent defect way after you get married? He's a cheater? He's dishonest? He's gay? He's a pedofile? Wouldn't you use a pre-nup to "plan for the what-ifs?"

    • If our salaries and incomes were on similar par it wouldn't really matter as we would both get half without a pre-nuptual agreement. However, I had just considered that with a pre-nup it stops the other partner from using money irrationally for whatever reason. So I guess using it to prepare for lifes what ifs, isn't such a bad idea.

  • i know its kind of fictitious and gay but I never want to get a divorce and getting a prenup before marrying someone is already saying to that person and yourself that divorce is an option. and when divorce is an option its so easy for you to run to it when situations get a little hard.

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    • But, divorce is always an option. what are you trying to say?

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    • The point I'm trying to raise is, that even in the absence of a pre-nup, divorce is still always an option.

    • as I get older I wonder whether there is a point to getting married...besides the ax breaks, people tend to be happier before they do even when they have been in a relationship for decades. idk..mayb my stands on this will change as I creep closer to my thirties.

  • I personally think of a marriage as a union of two individuals who love each other but a pre-nup makes it seem like a contract(which sure in some ways it is).

    I do feel as though it is a bad way to start out,but I guess in this day and age where marriage is meaningless it's better

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    • A union between two people is called a relationship. Maybe one rents property from the other, maybe one buys and the other sells things to and from each other, and maybe they love each other.

      A marriage is a contract. It's legally binding, with financial consequences. So the theory that marriage is "only" about love and love alone, is an antiquated notion the courts have consistently rejected.

      How do you feel a pre-nup would make a marriage "less" about love?

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    • Ignore her, girls like that are just trying to find an excuse to get a guy's money. That sounds like a very very VERY B.S. reason. If a person wants to leave, they can ALWAYS leave. Might be a little more difficult, but it's still always an option. If a marriage is set to fail, a pre-nupt won't be the CAUSE of it. Just say you want the security of taking half in case things go bad.

    • I come from a family with money dumbass.Know your sh*t before speaking

  • I would sign it but only if it had some like cheater clause or something to do with our children in it. I can completely understand if he came into the relationship with money and wanted to protect it however I would need to make sure that what ever children we had in the marriage would still be privy to the same type of lifestyle they had when we were together.

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  • because I would feel that he is looking for a divorce already and that he is too into his STUFF $$ or whatever - and if he loved me would share it with me as I would him - and I would NOT anticipate our breaking up either.

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  • Yeah I would sign a pre-nup. If...and that's a really big if..if I were to get married, and it went wrong, no matter what the reason (cheated on me, changed, bla bla bla) I wouldn't want anything of his. What's mine is and will always remain mine. What's his is his and if he's gonna have a hissy fit over mutual assets he can have them.I'm not one to have a sh*t fit over material assets. I couldn't care less so long as he let me have what was rightfully mine.

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  • Defiantly would! Even if there was not a thought in my mind about divorce. But just anything could happen. A prenup is just something realistic that I think more people should think about, especially all these young people that are getting married. There nothing wrong with it, it's not saying you don't trust each other, it's not saying you think it's not going to work. It's just a 'just incase' kinda thing.

    I'm not sure I'd get married without one!

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  • I would have no problem signing one, assuming that he had a good reason for wanting one. Going into a marriage, I would want to protect my assets just as much as he would. You need to be smart when getting married.

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    • So, the only reason you would want to get on is in order to protect assets?

    • That's a huge reason for getting one for most people. When you think about it, a prenup is to deal with any financial consequences of a marriage ending. So yes, I would get one to protect myself and my assets. Should my spouse make more than I do, or less, we would both be protected. I would want the same assets that I have going into the marriage if the marriage does end.

    • What about assets (property with a marketable value) or personalty (stuff that isn't necessarily marketable, and if it is, the price you would receive wouldn't accurately reflect the value it has for you)?

      What about stuff or things you both buy DURING the marriage? What if this stuff isn't "worth money," but worth something emotionally to one or both of you? What should happen to it then? Or should the agreement be silent about that and let the lawyers charge hours figuring that out?

  • Before doing so I would consult a lawyer about the contents - srsly prenups are not bad, but I don't want to be "ripped-off" before the marriage even begins.

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  • Sure, it's always good to have an agreement in place about these things.

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  • i would sign one. I think its a good idea for each person to protect their assets.

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    • Are there any other reasons you think it's a good idea?

    • well, that's really the only reason why you'd get one.

  • I think those ARE ligitimate reasons. If you don't trust someone, why are you marrying someone? And if you are making a supposedly lifelong vow, why are you already planning what will happen in the case of divorce? To me, signing one would be depressing and discouraging.

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  • I would sign. People change, sometimes to the extent that they don't want to be with the person anymore. People can say marriage is forever, but statistics say otherwise

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  • I guess, if my fiance wanted me to I'd consider signing one. Although, to be honest, I can't really see why most normal people would need a prenup when they're starting out. I have some friends who are starting to get married and let me tell you, they have basically nothing the other person would want if they did divorce. For instance, two of my good friends each had 7+ year old cars, bank accounts with less than $10,000 in them, and your usual clothes, books, dishes, cds etc. going into the marriage. Together, they recieved your general appliances and stuff when they got married. They don't own their house and have plans to build one in the next 5 years. As I understand prenups, they generaly deal with what you have going into the marriage- you can't really predict a 24-year old's earning power in the next ten years, especially when both people plan to have careers.

    Basically, if I HAVE nothing my partner wants, why would I need to agree to a prenup to keep it that way? It works for people who already have millions, but I doubt I'll ever be quite that wealthy, married or single. As for spousal support, I kind of think I'd want to support myself rather than expect him to do it, besides that's dependent on income you can't predict anyway, as is child support (which I obviously agree should be paid). Prenups can take some of the mess out of divorce, but because they leave a lot of unpredictable things out, they don't solve the whole division of assets problem.

    Sure, I'd sign a prenup if my fiance wanted me to, but I'd probably laugh about it because I have nothing and I'm not the kind of person who takes what she doesn't deserve. You each take what you brought in the beginning, split the rest down the middle.

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  • Yes. I'm divorcing and it's messy. When we met, we both thought it would last forever. We were so, so, so in love. From now on, I'll keep my love life and my financial affairs separate.

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    • I'm sorry to hear that; that's never happy news. Unless of course, you look at the silver lining, which is that you're no longer with him anymore.

      By that, do you mean, you would never marry again, or that if you would marry again, you would do something to make sure the same thing you went through doesn't repeat?

    • There is an enormous silver lining - we are still friends, and we have the most beautiful little daughter, and we are both hugely grateful for both those things. It is messy financially and of course, it is an emotional time. At the moment it all feels a bit new and a bit raw so I can't see myself marrying again, though I'm not against the idea. It's just that if I did, I would try to keep our finances separate where possible. Just being a realist. Yes, you definitely live and learn! x

  • well, boys are getting smarter these days, so there's no use to sticking with old-outdated tricks. (it must be the internet and flow of information)

    I have a younger brother, and we've already talked about this. to him, if he hears a girl saying anything like what you described, he thinks "= what else can I possibly say to emotionally blackmail you to not make me surrender my right to claim half your stuff?"

    For guys, it's very easy. Marriage is something the girl wants. So unless she signs the pre-nup, she's not getting married. It's not like he's going to lose any sleep over not being married.

    But with that said, I would still want to sign it.

    You never know what could happen. When two people decide to get married, they make that decision based on everything they know at that moment. If my husband would turn out to be abusive, or cheat; that's great! I would divorce him and take half his stuff. But what if he turns out to be lazy? What if he doesn't work and just sits around and expects everything from me? What if the day after we get married, a car hits him and leaves him paralyzed? Now the situation is different.

    If you asked me THEN, to spend the rest of my life with this person, I would say no. Why should I be stuck and unable to leave? I completely agree, that marriage is about "TWO PEOPLE WANTING TO BE TOGETHER." It's not about two people being FORCED to be or TRAPPED together. If they don't want to be together anymore, they should have to be. It's a mistake to put financial and legal shackles on the other person, and tell him "look, now that I've made sure you're not going anywhere, I'm going to sit here on this couch and not do sh*t; and if you don't like it, you can feel free to leave and give me half your stuff; thought so, now shut up and make me dinner."

    I think marriage with a pre-nup is a wonderful idea. It lets people take advantage of the more favorable tax rates for married couples, shared insurance policies, but with the understanding that if one or both of them are not happy; the marriage can easily and quickly dissolve in a pre-agreed-upon manner.

    It encourages both people to care about the other person's happiness, and discourages laziness and taking the other person for granted. The reason so many marriages end in divorce, is not because of the ease of divorce, but because of the prison marriage w/o a pre-nup creates. If it's practically impossible for an unhappy spouse to get up and walk out when they're not happy, how motivated is the other spouse about his or her happiness? Not at all. Play this scenario out for 5-10-20-30 years, and enough is enough; the marriage has failed, no bars, no matter how strong, can hold unhappy people together.

    Marriage alone encourages laziness and indifference towards your partner's happiness. So that's my primary reason for wanting to sign a pre-nup; so that both of us never lose the incentive to never take each other for granted and stop caring about our partner's happiness.

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    • While I agree with you that a man would definitely not lose any sleep over the fact that he's not married, that doesn't mean or imply, nor is it true that a man doesn't desire to get married.

      I admire the analysis and points raised. But what degree of ease of divorce would you think is beneficial (or detrimental) to the marriage? Would you include an arbitration clause? Would you require evidence for undisclosed debts or allow for investigation of hidden assets?

What Guys Said 2

  • Guys cast their vote because they want to see the poll results. Next time, add an "i'm a guy" option.

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  • It was never an issue.

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