Do guys want girls to tell them what's a do and don't?

I'm just wondering because I frequently read that guys want girls that tell them what they don't want or expect from them like that coming to late to a date is a no-go, that he should call frequently...etc.

Otherwise a girl might come off as having no self-respect.

I have a problem with that because I don't like telling anyone what to do...I think they should figure that out themselves...also I'm shy and it's hard for me to make demands. So have I already lost in the "dating game"?

Updates:
So most of you are very positive about that providing that girl is important to them - but how should a girl do it? Tell you directly or indirectly, asked or unasked?
But aren't there some things you would expect a guy to do just like that if he really is into a girl? Or is it just more complicated than that? I'm talking about calling her as often as she does, or wanting to spend as much time with her as possible.
Thanks guys! You were right! I'm with this guy now and whenever I ask him for something he's pleasantly surprised and is actually happy to comply. He also said not all women are the same so it's good to know what I want because it's rather hard to guess.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I'm not sure that the article you read was meant to literally make demands. It might have been pointing out the fact that women like to drop hints, and us men tend to not catch them. Women are the smarter sex in my opinion, and as a man I often like to point out that I'm not psychic and can't read minds. What's obvious to a woman might not be so obvious to a man. So if you do feel strongly about something such as being late or calling frequently, just tell him. Don't beat around the bush with hints and clues. Men don't want to be bossed around, but we don't want to play games either. Just tell us what's on your mind if it is that important. Directly.

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What Guys Said 20

  • Tell DIRECTLY. Girls are terrible at hinting, because they hint to what girls would understand is a hint, they don't understand that guys communicate so differently that a girl hint is radically different from a guy hint.

    As for telling what she wants... yes, but don't overdo it. Sexually? Definitely. If something really bothers you, of course tell us. But don't get all p*ssy and tell us we're doing everything wrong because we left the toilet seat up.

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  • A lot of relationship go down the drain because of the woman not telling the guy what she wants. Men aren't mind readers. Quick story. My ex called me from work one time, telling me she is hungry. So first thing I say, I'm calling dominoes have them deliver. she goes" no babe you don't have to do that" I insisted and asked 3 times. she won by teling me that she is getting off soon and will much on some snack she had. I call back 2 hous later I get a cold response, she remained the entire then the next day, when I kept insisting she tells me that she feels I didn't care , I should ve order dominoes ANYWAYS.

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  • Hmmm, very interesting question.

    Personally, I wouldn't like it if a girl had a "list of demands" when we start dating. I'd feel emasculated and completely turned-off at worst (nitpicky, nagging girls are irritating), and at best, even if I gave into some of her demands (highly unlikely for me, haha, try telling me what to do), the relationship would end up feeling "forced" or one-sided. That is, unless I have my own list of demands, and then it turns into a power struggle.

    Part of what makes dating both scary and exciting is that you're trying to form an intimate connection with a stranger. You're learning a little bit more about who they are and how they think of you with each date, and it can be a long time before you both really know each other. On top of that, both you and the other person have lifelong habits, personality traits, character quirks. Nobody is likely to give up those things just because an attractive stranger demands it of him or her.

    I think you're fine. You haven't already lost the "dating game" at all. You shouldn't have the attitude of "let him figure it all out"--no guy is a mind reader, and you'll lose a lot of good guys expecting them to already know what to do--but making demands and stating expectations so early on isn't helpful either. The first dates should be about fun and discovery, not pressure and predictability. I don't understand the guys who want girls to lay out all the rules; perhaps it makes them feel more comfortable.

    At the same time, a girl SHOULD have self-respect and dignity. All she needs to do to show this is have her own life and stand up for herself. For example, if the guy openly disrespects her, she should call him out on it or walk away. A relationship should also be about equality. The guy and the girl should initiate the calls a roughly equal amount of times, etc. Finally, a girl must be willing to compromise. Even a great guy is not going to be perfect. You should like a guy for who he is, not who you want him to be.

    Best of luck!

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    • Regarding your comment below...good point. Maybe you can tell a guy what you'd like, not in the spirit of controlling his life, but in the spirit of being honest and helping him out/making things easier for him. The intention always matters the most.

    • Very helpful, thank you - that is true that any girl (or guy for that matter) should not tolerate disrespectful behaviour. This is not my problem (learned that the slightly harder way that it is not adviseable to tolerate such behaviour), even if I'm really shy, so I'm relieved. In my current dating situation I feel that I call the guy way too often, however, he is working and I'm not...so I have to figure that one out for myself. Still very good answer - all the best to you as well!

  • How to ask is an art. It's like saying how do you ask a girl out?

    Generally speaking, bring things up to him however you would a friend. He's a person like anyone else, if you're sincere and you don't scold him, it'll be fine however you approach it. If you f*** up, explain yourself and let him know how you feel about him and live life.

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  • Yes I would love them to tell me exactly what they want. Whether we agree to do it or not, that's a whole different subject.

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  • For me, I hate guessing at some things and then having her get upset at me or whatever because I didn't do something, or did something she didn't like. It could have been prevented in the first place by being open, one on one, and talking about your likes, dislikes, what turns you on, what turns you off..even in bed, what is an absolute no no and what you'd consider to be really hot. There is nothing worse than loving someone but not truly knowing them.

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  • It's not about telling him do this or do that (unless he ask to..) otherwise you can look like a mom to him... :(

    rather tell him in everyday conversation with him what you like,love and what you don't... free to him to listen to your guidance based on what you liked and don't.

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  • in general, I prefer direct and simple communication. so do most guys.

    don't think of it as telling someone else what to do. you can communicate assertively and respectfully without being bossy or demanding.

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  • I personally love direction because my ultimate goal is to please my lady friend. No better way to do that then to have her let me know what she wants and how.

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  • well maybe the guy is shy like you

    it would get me if the girl told me that she gets shy around me

    id tell her "well how do you think you make me feel (:

    then its obvious there's feelings

    and you don't have to make demands it can be mutual

    like well do you wanna talk on the phone

    we can talk as often as you would like to because anything would make me happy

    but it is nice to have a dominating strong women tell me how she wants something

    but I'm like that

    figureing things out is hard sometimes

    so leaving clues

    or being mutualy open and honest is good

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  • No, I don't want someone controlling. I want things 50/50, and for her to be with me because she wants to be with me. Not because she thinks she can control me.

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  • You knw,where ever you r,.who so ever you re,u wouldn't tolerate anyone telling you what 2 do unless your a kid.,having a sense of humour,u should knw wats right 2 do in what ever situatn...but good advices are accepted

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  • just act out how you feel when he does stuff. if he doesn't get it you know you're not a good pair. maybe you'll even love/hate some of the things he does. how are you supposed to like somebody you need to tell what do to make you attracted to them. it doesn't make any sense, you could just pick out any guy and always tell him what to do.

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  • You should only tell us what's a do and don't in the bedroom.

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  • unfortuneately then you girls will perceive us as a doormat, with no spine

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  • if the guy likes you ,he will do everything. and he will think about it all the time.

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  • by your title question ... hell ya it would make life so much simpler

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    • really? like, if a girl told you that she hated it when

      you made sexual jokes, would you stop?

  • well fist you should tell him what to do respectfully unlike ordering him around..

    but like a friendly way of ordering ... as if he owes you and you want him to pay back.. bad example eh ..

    you can go like : at 7 I'll be at the spot DON'T be late .. or seriously change your T shirt , it doesn't really suit you(with a smile and some style) .. come now no excesses this time ...

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  • I would like it if a girls were more straightforward with me, it takes out all the guessing and wondering, girls are confusing enough as it is so a little direction every now and then would be nice. Also like someone already said do's and dont's in the bedroom are a must if you want us to please you the way you like to be.

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  • Because guys want to have successful relationships and we get frustrated when we're dumped or ignored for trivial reasons. It would be nice if a girl who wants a particular birthday present, or a phone call, or whatever would just come out and say it. Look at all the girls saying a guy is clingy because he calls, and then if he doesn't call he's distant etc - it's just too confusing, and it's confusing because most girls choose to "play the game" in an illogical manner while guys just want things to be straightforward.

    Imagine it's your boyfriend's birthday - you ask him what he wants and he says "whatever you get me is fine as long as you put some thought into it". You know he likes (insert hobby here) so you buy some magazines, read reviews and get him X item that is both within your budget and has great reviews. You wrap it up for him, take him to dinner and give it to him only to have him cry and yell because you didn't get him a birthday card.

    That was what happened to me a few months back - needless to say she and I are no longer together and I'm seeing someone else.

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    • Wow, thanks...that is quite a horrible story :(

      But actually I finally see a different aspect to it - so you say, that it's not being demanding to say so but actually making things easier for the guy/girl if they know what you want. That is quite a valid point. :)

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    • Yeah, I also left out the part where it was a surprise party and I invited some friends of hers etc and paid for the whole thing. It makes for a funny WTF sort of story now but when it happened I wasn't laughing.

    • about the first paragraph I think it's more of a which guy it is, for example, with me if it's a guy whom I don't like that much and he's calling, texting, etc. very frequently, I'll get annoyed and think he's clingy as hell, but if it's the guy I'm crazy about, the more he does it the better

What Girls Said 1

  • I am also very shy when it comes to the do's and dont's of a relationship my boyfreind always wants to know so I came up with the simple answer of saying..."Do whatever you think is right"

    So I would like to beleive our relationship is running smoothly on that rule

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