Why are divorce rates so high?

Lack of common religious faith? Superficial culture? Career oriented women? Poor economy? Consumerism?

Are we just a f*cked up generation?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I'm sure there's a number of factors that play into it.

    First, I think a lot of people rush into marriage. I know a lot of people who got married after only knowing each other for a year or so, sometimes even less. In my experience, you still learn a lot about people even after knowing them for years, yet a lot of people decide that they want to spend their "life" with someone based on their short-term experiences with them. I think a lot of people are blinded by the fuzzy feelings you get when you fall in love with someone---they overlook flaws and areas where they're incompatible, and don't really consider the practical aspects of having a good and healthy relationship. I think media plays into this too---a lot of people have disillusioned ideas about love, romance, and relationships because they base their ideas on movies and books. Many people get into relationships thinking that they can "change" their partner or that "happily ever after" will happen without putting any effort or work into your relationship.

    Some people get married quite young, too, when they're still maturing and discovering who they are as a person. People are constantly changing and growing, but I think a lot of that self-discovery takes place in your teens and twenties. There's also a lot of societal and familial pressures to get married either by a certain age or after you've been together with someone for x amount of time, or they feel pressured because it feels like all their friends and peers are getting married.

    Our grandparents generation got married at a young age or after a short time of being together too, but they lived in a different time. People are more likely to get divorced now because its socially acceptable, women are less dependent (so they're more able to support themselves and/or their children if they leave a bad relationship), and I think our generation is more about instant-gratification rather than taking the time to work out problems (if things aren't perfect with one person, drop them and find someone new). When older generations had problems in their marriages, they either stayed in a bad marriage or they worked out their problems because divorce wasn't as much of an option as it is for us. It was viewed as shameful, and since most women didn't work (or even if they did, they might not make enough to support themselves), they couldn't leave because they might not have any place to go (and on the other side of the coin, perhaps men were less likely to divorce their wives because of the responsibility they felt to take care of them and not put them out on the street). Just because people have been married for a long time doesn't necessarily mean that its a good and happy marriage.

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    • I agree, a lot people get married before they are ready & learn they made a mistake down the road & instead of making it work, they take the easy way out, Divorce.

What Girls Said 23

  • 1. Poor economy - I have so many friends getting divorces since the economy tanked. I think with money having been better, maybe more people were able to pursue retail-therapy, buy new houses, nice cars, etc., and ignore their marriage wasn't that great. I also know people who were not necessarily living the good life, but with a bad economy money is tight and they are at each others throats. Further, if you were already losing your house, no need to stay together to avoid selling it and keep a roof over your kid's heads.

    2. Female Independence-Women don't have to stay in a bad relationship. Many women have the ability to earn an income and take care of themselves.

    3. Loss of social stigma-Some people do still look down on those that are divorced, but I don't see it as a social issue, as much as individuals who may have rocky marriages and are afraid you will be tempting to their husband or wife as a newly single person. When my mom divorced in 1977, she was legitimately embarrassed to tell her family. She was the first sibling to divorce. She had few friends that had gone through divorce and it was a struggle for her to be single.

    Those are my votes.

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  • A few reasons. One being that divorce has become common in our generation. It used to be looked down upon, so people would stick it out in bad marriages. It also now causes people who may have been able to work out their differences to just get a divorce.

    The second reason being that women are now independent and working. A woman's livelihood was completely dependent on a man in earlier years. No marriage meant no money and no life. Now that women are working and independent, women do not need to be married to survive anymore. This has caused us to be more picky when choosing a partner, get married later on, and yes, get a divorce if we become unhappy in the marriage. Women initiate most of the divorces in the U.S.

    All in all though, there is a bright side. Divorce rates are actually on the decline right now =)

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    • The reason divorce rates are declining can be because of the economy --- it is cheaper to share rent/mortgage than to go out on your own. Meaning, stop arguing, pay the rent/mortgage first type of scenario.

    • That's true, except divorce rates have been steadily declining since before the recession as well.

    • Bear in mind that the US economy hasn't been good long before the recession, since 911 I would say.

  • Why does poor marriage rates mean we are f***ed up? THat doesn't make sense. lol

    We are moving away from tradition. I hate tradition personally, well not all tradition but usually. I don't know if I am all for marriage to begin with, but I think the illusion of god and religion created this idea that two people can and should be bound together for life. From a rational perspective, that doesn't make sense in a modern world. People change and if you evolve as a person you may be a totally different being 12 years down the road. Who knows if you and your partner will even connect or have anything in common anymore. Also tthe reasons people jump into marriage. For example people who don't even like each other that much but who have a kid will think its the "right thing to do" to get married. then they grow to resent each other and maybe the kid as well for being the only reason they "have to stay together." The child grows up in a hostile or simply loveless environment and has to listen to all their fighting. Tradition f***s with reality and kept the parents from realizing the truth: they should not have gotten married.

    I think us career oriented women (yay feminism :) ) might be a cause if your ideal of marriage is having a house slave kept in her place. I can definitely see how that would work. Women aren't independent enough to work on their own and make their own money = they have to rely on you for support so even if you lie or cheat there's not much they can do, plus there's the kids. Women felt trapped in marriages for much of our history in this country because of things like this. So that could be one reason. A more individual centered society means moving away from a society revolving around traditional family set up. If you look at societies where women have fewer rights/opportunities or the traditional role of woman is simply upheld, they get married more often (what else are they gonna do?) and stay married more often.

    Divorce isn't frowned upon like it used to be. Once in our country it was hell for a woman to escape a bad marriage. Now, if a guy (or girl) cheats, lies, violates trust, abuses physically, emotionally, or mentally, etc. anyone can file for divorce and get rid of the situation.

    I don't see how consumerism or poor economy would contribute to divorce rates. There was a time in our nation where consumerism was booming (helping the economy) but women were still in the home like little dolls. I don't think that would in itself contribute to high divorce rates.

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    • Why even get married then? If you don't respect marriage or take it seriously, don't get married. The high divorce rates does mean we are failing. It means we give up easily, & that is weak. Marriage is serious step & if you feel like you can easily get out of it with divorce, then you are looking at it wrong.

    • Um I thought this was about why divorce rates are high, not about whether or not I will personally get married? If that is your perception that's fine but I don't have to agree. I probably will get married esp. with a girl. Nothing in life is permanent, including marriage. If you naively think that you can force a marriage to work in this day and age after years of growing apart or any number of situations that can change individuals or hurt relationships then you have a rude awakening in store.

  • There are a few different reasons. First of all, the whole 'womens rights movement'. With women wanting more power, it completely screwed up the role of the man and the role of the woman in the relationship. Neither men nor women have a clear understanding of what their role is, what their role should be, or what is expected of them from the other person. There are no longer defined lines.

    Secondly, many people in our generation grew up in broken homes. It's hard to have a healthy relationship when the example that you have is broken. Absent fathers also play a huge role. How can a girl have a good relationship with a man if her own father wasn't even around to show her what a real man should be like. And same with a boy, if his father isn't around showing him how to be a real man, how is he supposed to learn?

    Next, movies and tv. I know, everyone wants to blame the media for everything, but just hear me out. You have both extremes present. You have the shows that portray walking away from a relationship is easier than dealing with the issues. And you have the side that is portraying love as a fairytale with a 'happily ever after'. So (girls especially) are honestly waiting for that perfect Prince Charming (which is way too much pressure to put on any guy, and completely unreal expectations), and when they realize that their Prince isn't 'perfect', they become dissatisfied and think it's easier to just walk away from everything and keep looking.

    Last, people have the crazy idea that love is a feeling. They think that the sparks and the fireworks and the butterflies all equal love. That's the definition of infatuation or attraction. Love is a verb. Love is an action. It's the decision you make to stay faithful and devoted to your husband/wife no matter what. It's respecting them, respecting yourself, and respecting your relationship. You have to chose to love, no matter what you're feeling at the time. People leave a relationship because 'feelings fade'. Feelings will always fade, and come back, and change over the years... that doesn't mean the love stops.

    Ok, one more thing. I think people put too high of expectations on each other. Instead of focusing on how imperfect the other person is, I think we need to work on being a complete person ourselves.

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  • I believe divorce rates are so high because of a number of reasons. 1. You fail to fully explore that person before you tie the knot. 2. Their is a lack of commitment on one or both sides. 3. lots of people from this generation do not think twice about the feelings of others, therefore they are completely selfish in their marriage, and that pushes one another further apart. I don't think that careers with women are the problem...it only becomes a problem when her career is more important than her husband and kids...bringing it back once more to selfishness. I believe that if you thoroughly know the person, and you love them unconditionally, and you strive to give and take and to compromise equally, your marriage will be strong. Don't forget to pray and ask God for some advice and ask him to bring you even closer together.

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  • Its the generation we live in. Young woman shock me these days... there just as much cheaters as ther husbands. And woman are so liberated there to proud to be a good wife. I was raised old fashiond a girls stays innocent until married once married she cooks cleans supports defends her family she has children. I don't get woman today no wonder most men are dogs we don't have real ladys anymore to make them want to change! I get so much greif for being a vrigin what's wrong with sharing that with your husband? My brother and father work so hard its only right to have a hot meal waiting on them my gosh its not hard and these femisist think that's wrong? That makes me feel like a woman to take care of a man same way he takes care of me.

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    • very good answer, there's nothing wrong to be a homemaker and it's the most respectful and proper job for a girl and I just like the way that no one orders no boss and no nothing, her man comes and find everything ready with a big warm smile of passion and love:))

      about the divorce thing, well for me marriage must last forever unless their's cheating and if a person stops loving the other!

  • The generation that led the way to higher divorce rates was the Baby Boomer generation (and no, I'm not a Baby Boomer, I'm Generation X).

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  • Guess this is a question you didn't have to ask as you pretty much have all the answers already. Sad as it is you did a good job of hitting the nail right on the head.

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  • It's becoming more and more accepted in society, so more and more people feel okay with getting a divorce instead of working out their problems. This causes it to become even more accepted in society, creating an infinite cycle.

    I

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  • -Getting married for the wrong reasons

    -Getting married at the wrong time: Not being financially or emotionally ready

    -Not taking the proper steps for marriage: Pre-marital counseling,inside & outside of church

    -Not discussing all possible situations

    -Not choosing the right partner & waiting for compatibility to really show

    -Getting married too soon

    -Society lacks morals

    -Lack of communication skills

    -Cheating, emotionally and/or physically.It's basically accepted in today's society

    -Guys love to cheat & blame it on biology,girls like to be homewrecking sluts

    -Confusions of lust vs love

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  • We are just a f*&^%cked up generation, that follows the "social fashion show" and hurry to get married without know who we are being married with... I don't care if I get married after 30... but I'm seeing everyday my friends getting married so soon, and with people that they "barely know" I would love to have another answer but I think that you already answer your question, we are!

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  • Because it's too easy to get a divorced. Now people don't even have a reason to get divorced, there is no fault divorced. People don't take marriage seriously, & use divorce like it's nothing.

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  • Because of the phrase, "when you know, you know". You DON'T know. Being together for 2 weeks and thinking you're 'in love' isn't healthy. Both parties just want to ultimate romance like they see in films and want their friends to see how successful they are, so they get married straight away, then realize they can't stand each other.

    I don't see why career orientated women would have anything to do with it :/

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  • I BELIEVE ITS BECAUSE GOD ISNT IN IT. SO IN SAYING THAT... MARRIAGE IS JUST A PEICE OF PAPER TO PPL AND ONCE THERE FED UP THEY THROW IN THE TOWEL.

    I DO ALSO BELIEVE ITS ALSO DO TO NOT HAVING A COMMON RELIGION... EVEN GOD SAYS STICK TO UR OWN KIND... BECAUSE WHEN You HAVE KIDS... THOSE KIDS WILL NOT KNOW WHERE TO TURN TO...

    CAREER ORIENTED WOMEN... IS NOT A BAD THING... LOVE AND UNDERSTANDING SHOULD CONQUER ALL.

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    • Common religion? Balderdash...

      You can be of the same religion... Christian marriages are the most common to fail. Agnostical and Atheist marriages tend to fail by lower percentile... So, no...

    • Y DO You GIVE ME UR OPINIONS IF UR NOT THE QUESTIONER?

  • Selfishness, laziness, entitlement.

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  • I'd say it mainly either lust, or most of us have a difficult time being loyal... But also we just don't want to compromise or sacrifice anything, so its probably selfishness too..

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  • Selfishness.. Simple as that. people commit to one anothe but don't ever really commit

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  • Yes divorce rates are so high because women want careers.

    WHAT THE F***!? NO.

    It's because it's not 1954 and women don't want to be stuck doing your laundry and cleaning the kitchen all day.

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    • Is that the only thing you saw when you read the question? And I doubt the reason the divorce rates are so high is because women don't want to do laundry. That has nothing to do with anything.

  • Before divorce wasn't seen as okay. Now it is so people take advantage of that.

    I also think lots of people don't know the difference between lust and love. They think they love the other person but it's not the case so they end up divorcing.

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  • Lack of communication , no respect for one anothers feelings, not knowing each other as well as thought, people are mostly guided by there eyes when they finally open there ears they finally see the mistake they have made so many things that we think that are not important at the time of meeting someone and marriage but they really are I speak out of experience not very good one to tell you the truth...

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  • When a couple is used to a type of life and ten you change it they start to fall apart

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  • i think it's because at the bottom of it all, people are just selfish and never satisfied with what they have. So they keep wanting more and more. That could be working extra long hours for career promotion and money. Or wanting that hot girl that starts flirting with them. etc

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  • yeah, I liked pinkxcutt's answer.

    my sister got a divorce because her guy would not help out with finances (he never got a job in 3 years of marriage with her). She was 18 and he was 23 when they married. He also didn't clean, cook, or take care of their son (who is going to turn 3 soon). This is the same likely story with most asian girls I know who married young (I am asian by the way). They have a husband who doesn't care about them or their kids, and is always out to play at the clubs drinking.

    My husband's brother is also divorced at a young age! (my husband is caucasion). He divorced her because she did a lot of drugs, tried to get him in jail for stuff he never did, and she also didn't work/take care of the kids.

    I recently got married. My husband works and we don't plan on having kids for a long time until we think we are financially ready. Also my husband has a good career, we have no debt and are saving up a lot of money. We both also have very good communication and we try hard to work at bettering our marriage (reading self help books, spending quality time doing things together). We also go to church every Sunday and we pray every day. Hopefully we will last. We know that the divorce rate is so high, and for every single person we know who is married, there is one person we know who is divorced! which is pretty sad!

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What Guys Said 13

  • The reasons (e.g. economy) you mention do contribute to divorces. If you look at them, they are external factors that accelerate the disintegration of a problematic marriage. Yet, there is an inherent factor; an apple rots from the inside out.

    What is the PRIME concept in a marriage? Till death do we part. i.e. a lifetime promise/committment. Ask yourself this question, "Why kind of people NEEDS such a promise/reassurance? Is this kind of psyche a good raw material of any relationship?" If no, you know why the whole attitude is "structurally flawed", even doomed to fail.

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  • Refusing to work together. I've heard too many guys who have the "to hell with her; I'll leave" attitude in marriage. They call their wives bitches; I don't care how vogue that term becomes, it's not appropriate to call your wife. I guess women can be selfish too. But people just figure if they can't get what they want, or their spouse wants domething different, they'll just bail. I'm not religious, but I suppose, at least for men, easy availability of casual sex may be part of that; if a guy married a woman out of selfishness and she won't let him buy a jet ski or something, he figures why not just find some other woman?

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  • because people are stupid, they get married at a young age when they should be living life instead of setting themselves up for avoidable failures.

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  • I think it is because of unrealistic expectations. But in parts of the world where people do not get divorces are full of couples who are miserable. Often the men treat women with little or no respect, and the women have no option to leave or do anything to change the situation. So which is worse?

    Good Luck,

    James

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  • Because people are no longer marrying for traditional reasons. Most marriages are based on emotional support. Once that emotional support is gone, so is the marriage. Divorce rates are trending downwards as less people are getting married nowadays according to a poll done by the National Center for Health Statistics.

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  • We are a "Facebook" culture. People -BOTH men and women - are more concerned with putting a "pretty picture" up on FB and telling everyone "how happy we are!" - than to actually BE HAPPY with someone.

    I was guilty of it for years - didn't realize it until years later - people marry people they shouldn't for reasons they shouldn't. Period.

    Think about how many women you know between 23-35 who "definitely want children" - how do they know? How many guys 30-40 that hook up every night and seem OK with that suddenly meet "the one" because she's a good girl and will be a good mother?

    Guess what? it doesn't work that way. Truly look at all your friends in relationships - married and not - and ask yourself - "are they genuinely happy?" - here's how you know they are -

    Watch them in a room - do they look at each other when no one else is?

    When they go away together - do they dissappear until they come home? OR - do they post on FB "WE ARE HAVING A GREAT TIME!" - guess which couple is actually happy.

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    • Yeah, I've noticed people talk about how wonderful their life is on facebook & in actuality are wallowing in pain. Seriously, if you have to lie on facebook, why even make the account, lol.

  • people got married because it was expected of them... but they were unhappy. now people just don't get married as often and I'm sure marriage will decrease even more in the future... so less divorce.

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  • Because the government made it too easy. People can get divorced for no reason at all, & they take advantage of it. They don't respect marriage vows, & lack morals. When the going gets tough, they get going. It is sad, but that the world we live in.

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  • Because it is so easy to get married and divorced. It has lost its "value"

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  • In general I don't think people are made for life long commitment tbh. I don't think there's anything 'wrong' with us.

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  • People are too selfish, too unrealistic, and too impatient. That's all.

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  • People jump into marriage to quickly without really knowing the other person. Then they start getting annoyed by the other person and split. Lack of work put into the relationships is also a big factor. They assume that relationships are supposed to be good all of the time and the moment it's not, they jump ship instead trying to work it out. Just my opinion and I'm only speculating.

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  • A superficial culture built upon material gratification and bodily sensations, paired with a shallow religion that lacks spirituality.

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