Guys: Has being a jerk worked for you?

I hear a lot of guys say that girls don't like nice guys, they like jerks/assholes.

Have any of you "nice guys" decided to try acting like a jerk to see if it improved your luck with the ladies? If so, what did you do differently? Did it work?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I've also seen a lot of women ask why men don't like smart women and go for the stupid, ditzy girls instead. I think it's a different manifestation of the same effect. The "nice guy" vs. "jerk" dichotomy is purely an illusion, as is "smart intelligent girls" vs "stupid bimbos".

    Because a heterosexual isn't attracted to those they're competing with they often don't see what qualities their fellow guys/girls posses that truly make them attractive and yet they're looking for the common denominator that their more successful peers have in common in order to try and make sense of why they're not having any success while others are.

    Too often they seize on a negative quality to explain that phenomenon (Ex: "Girls like jerks/cars/money", "Guys like bimbos/fake boobs/anorexic girls"). Not only does it provide an explanation to a bewildering predicament, it's also a self-serving narrative people use to make themselves feel good by absolving themselves of their failures in the dating world ("It's not my fault I can't get a girl/guy. They don't appreciate good people").

    It's a mindset that creates anger and bitterness, not to mention makes one even less attractive. It's also remarkably addictive and many people would rather cling with all their might to their precious narrative rather than see the forest for the trees.

    Girls aren't stupid. They don't enjoy being treated like crap. The fact that so many of them end up with these asshole guys is purely incidental. These guys are attractive for other reasons and their selfish behavior is something their poor woman has to put up with. Attraction isn't a choice for women or men. If you're obviously desirable people will put up with a lot of crap just to get a piece of you.

    Jerk guys aren't attractive because they're jerks, they're attractive because they make no bones about it. They're confident and self assured. They're unafraid to be themselves. They may be douchebags but they're quite open about it. Women love a man who's secure in himself.

    The nice guys, on the other hand, always seem to have something to hide. They think that if women see the real "them" they'll bolt. Their problems they have with women accepting and liking them are just a symptom of the problems they have accepting and liking themselves. So they supplicate. They shower women with gifts, affection and attention in attempt to get them to overlook their supposed flaws.

    I've found through using this site that the more I unabashedly open and honest I am, the more the girls respect, trust and love me. I've written about many of my flaws on here, some of them I've been ashamed of held secret all of my life, stuff I feel embarrassed about and things that I like that are uncool but I'm authentic about it and I don't cover it up. I'm beginning to embrace who I really am and that makes me a better man.

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    • Great answer. The only thing I'd disagree with you on is when you said "their selfish behavior is something their poor woman has to put up with. Attraction isn't a choice for women or men. If you're obviously desirable people will put up with a lot of crap just to get a piece of you."

      Putting up with selfish behavior is a choice, not something that their "poor" woman has to put up with. We don't choose who we're attracted to, no, but we can choose not to put up with behavior we deem

    • Unacceptable. If you find someone desirable and are willing to put up with "a lot of crap", that's your own choice and I don't see someone who "puts up with" being treated poorly as a "poor woman".

    • Though I do agree that people are more likely to put up with poor behavior in order to date someone "more desirable" in other ways (i.e. if they're very attractive). But again, if you place physical attractiveness or some other trait as more important than them treating you well, that's your own choice.

What Guys Said 4

  • I tried David D's cocky comedy; Robby's ignore and score.. etc.. Lots of these "dating gurus" (from the methods I've tried), have suggested that in order to display value - one has to "naturally" express that they could care less if the other person likes them or not.

    That's not to be confused with being an asshole or otherwise; though I have seen guys that get away with some strong "smartass" material - which could be referenced as rude.

    I've never seen any REAL man (dating a real girl) get away with slapping her around, calling her names every weekend, drinking rather than going to her birthday, etc... Those are boundaries that will never work with dating women; if you want to get a REAL keeper (albeit man or woman) then you must know and be able to validate respect in your own relationships with others.

    Some other "footnotes":

    - Cocky comedy (David D's technique) does not work if the speaker does not take risks or is otherwise "feeble".. Cocky comedy ONLY works when it pushes at a sensitive topic, in a bluntly assertive way, but with PROFOUND humor. If it's only "slightly humorous" then chances are that your target will take more offense than they will take attraction.

    - Ignoring to gain attraction isn't completely effective for strangers; though when combined with dreamtime's "entourage game" it'll work perfectly and effectively. The reason it's counter-productive is because you can't ignore someone who doesn't know you - then the attraction will never come to existance. There will always be an initial energy required.

    - Average abilities are under-rated; most men think they have to be cocky or spit "Game" to attract women.. All lies; women are actually more disgusted with being "approached" than they are with needy guys. It is much more beneficial to them to hear from a suitor that the suitor has an interest - but then wants to know the girl - not just talk about his interest and fight solely for that.

    etc

    There's tons more to deliberate but I too am learning.. Just my own opinions, I can't say whether they're right or not.

    ~ ArtistBBoy

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    • Thanks for the insight. :) I actually agree with some of these things. For example, if a guy asks a girl out and she says no, I think the girl would second-guess her answer if the guy reacts nonchalantly to her. Like, if he were to just smile and say, "No problem" and walk away. It says to the girl, "I'm not going to chase you or play games", so he comes across as confident and not needy. It also suggests that he's okay with the fact that she's not interested because there are other girls who

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    • Correct - the majority of my examples were about overcoming selfish behaviors, which in essence is equal to being a jerk.. Think about it - why would someone be so worried about if another person would reject them, if they weren't the least bit "self-oriented"?.. I don't think it's being a jerk with intentions of hurting others; but I do think it's the most common form of being a jerk - especially one that is often overlooked.

    • There have been sociology studies done that show women really are more attracted to monomaniacal, narcissistic, abusive men that are pathological liars. Furthermore these men are more likely to have many sexual partners, more likely to cheat, more likely to have a date and are more likely to stay married.

      America is jacked up. I'm just glad I won't be in this sh*thole country for much longer. Hope it gets nuked.

  • Sometimes I'll act a bit more cocky than usual when I'm flirting with a girl, and it works sometimes, other times it doesn't. I don't really know if I come off as a jerk/asshole when I'm doing that, but I hope I don't. I've been told it can be really charming, so I don't think it does.

    I don't know...I'm a nice guy for the most part, so being a jerk/asshole would be an act for me and I'm a bad actor. Not to mention, what's the point of putting on an act for a girl if you plan to see her more than once. Sooner or later she's going to see you for what you are, and if she doesn't like it you just wasted all that time.

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  • obviously I need to switch strategies

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  • I try to keep a balance of 60% jerk 40% nice.. '

    Most females could read the "fakeness", because you can not change your personality overnight.

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What Girls Said 1

  • I know I'm a girl. But I have to say that I've never been in a relationship with a jerk. However, if I look back on all the guys I f***ed outside a relationship, most of them were jerks.A lot of girls fall for that. I speak for myself now but I "make love" to my boyfriends and "f***" outside a relationship. And to "f***" I don't want an emotional bond. I also get a rush out of a jerk's dominance.

    ps: to be honest, the best sex was almost always with a jerk...

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