I don't remember signing over my body, do you?

I mean, for example: I like piercings/tattoos (I only have my tongue pierced atm.) I want to get collarbone piercings, and 5 or more tattoos.

However, my boyfriend hates piercings and tattoos, and he said I shouldn't ruin my body with pointless ink and holes. And he can hate it all he likes, I'm still going to get them.

My friend said I was being unfair because I still plan on getting them even though he hates them, and he has a say in what I do.

I disagree, it's my body, it's my life; and if he really hates them he can find another girl who hates them too, right? I don't see why he gets a say in what happens to my body. Sure we're in a relationship, but that doesn't mean he owns half of me.

What do you think you'd do in a similar situation?

Would you consider it "unfair" ?

Do you think you have a say in what your partner does to themselves? And what would you do if they went ahead with it anyway?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I have pretty much the same view on this matter as you, and I know exactly what I would do. NO ONE dictates what I can and can't do with my body. Anyone who thinks they can, can f.uck right off, honestly. You can give me your opinion, and I'll listen, and take it into consideration. But ultimately, it's MY choice, and you can choose to respect and accept that, even grudgingly, or you can have a cow about it and find a girl who would never do anything to her body that you would dislike, simply because you dislike it.

    In a relationship, I'm committed enough, respectful enough, and loyal enough to not share my body with others, and not really want to. I could choose to if I wanted to, like so many people do and have done and will continue to do. But loyalty is of the utmost importance to me in all aspects, romantic or not. Plus, to 'share myself' doesn't affect just me, it affects all parties involved, emotionally and health-wise. But otherwise, my body is my body, and I will do with it what I like. Personal adornments, clothing, makeup, hair, health, etc etc... step off.

    Anyone who gets into a relationship with me will know my stance on things of this nature long before they date me. As far as body mods go, it should be fairly apparent that I like them, as I have one visible tattoo [so far] and a few visible piercings. Someone who dislikes those things gets to see them ahead of time and can choose to avoid me if it suits them. It's a nice way to weed out people who probably wouldn't suit me anyway.

    And if after deciding my tats/piercings aren't a deal-breaker, and knowing my feelings about 'this issue', a guy would later break up with me for something I've decided to do to/with my OWN body... we're clearly not as well-matched as initially thought. I won't be guilt tripped or bullied about something like that. When it comes to my body and whatever changes I might make to it or choices I might make, I'm very 'take it or leave it'.

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    • agreed, people should respect others individuality more. I have no piercings or tats of any kind and no desire to get any but would never look down on anyone for having them, provided they are not just being trendy about it. a lot of times I find those things pretty cool to look at, as long as it's original.

    • Thanks. =] I think that's a good way to look at it, or any kind of style really. Plus like, if your disgust for certain styles is so great, why would you get into a relationship with someone, knowing full well that their beliefs and style preferences indicate that they may do something you'll hate in the future? That's just asking for problems. You're better off just avoiding them completely if it's THAT much of an issue, in my eyes.

What Guys Said 12

  • I don't think he should have any say at all in what you do to your body. but he might not be as dumb as you think. I have been in management positions in engineering and family/children services and I have had to pass on several people who had visible tattoos or piercings. Not my choice because I don't give a crap personally, but its company policy. I have girlfriends from college that worked so hard to earn a degree and they got degrees in education wanting to be teachers and all 4 of them who have tatoos on their arms or neck etc. are not able to get jobs. the schools WILL NOT hire them. so one of them is working fast food, the other a car detailing place, the other at curb store and I have no idea where the other one is. they are broke and miserable and did all that hard work for nothing...all cause they went through a little punky phase and thought it was cute back when they were 20-21. The military has restrictions on where you have tattoos, I have seen nurses get turned down for both tattoos and certain piercings, teachers, a law firm near atlanta turned down this lady who got a freaking law degree over one of those ankle tattoos that would be showing in court with a skirt. THINK THINK THINK about all possibilities of your future before you get those things. and is it really gonna make you somebody special or was you already special without them. Just a thought. But you are right it is your body and yours alone. he should respect that or take a hike. I don't have any but my girlfriend has 3 tattoos and 2 piercings. if she has any problems down the road its her consequence and getting in the way of her goals, not mine. it's not my place to tell her what to do.

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  • he also doesn't have to stay with you either

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  • If you had tattoos and piercings before you two got together in the first place, then he really should have been capable of processing that you happen to like them, and would consider getting more.

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  • I don't know about this guy, but I know I would leave. What would you do if he tattooed a d*** to his forehead? Would you at least say that's a little stupid? I would, why can't he speak for this then? In my opinion, the d*** across the forehead might actually be a hell of a lot better idea. Why? It could get you laid a few times out of pure "You really had the balls to do that...?"

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  • It's your body and if you want to do that it's fine. It shouldn't be a deal breaker and maybe the mature thing to do would be to talk about compromise.

    I wanted to get a tattoo once and the girl I was dating said, "I don't want to look at it while we are making love." To which I said, what's the difference you close your eyes all the time anyway.

    To me men have ugly bodies and I don't care if they have tattoos or piercings. I think nose studs are cute, and belly rings on a lady. That being said I don't like tattoos on a woman. It's like walking up to a brand new Jaguar and keying it. And before anyone says I am making people/women out to be objects you just make yourself a living canvas or sculpture when you do that kind of thing anyway,

    But it's your body. Do it.

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  • What I would do (and have done in the past so many times) is just get them. If it upsets them to the point where he leaves you, good ridance, if not then great.

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  • Compromise is part of any relationship.

    If your tongue is the only thing pierced I'd say he's overreacting a bit, or you're reading a little too much into it. Start off slow with conventional piercings and see what he does.

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  • Relationships have compromise. Looks like you're unwilling so maybe he should find someone else.

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    • They are, however it's my body, and that's not something I should have to compromise. And he's not the kind of guy to be shallow enough to break up with someone because they have piercings, etc.

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    • What the hell? xD Why should I have to change for him? I'd NEVER. EVER. make him change for me.. It's not mean to be me.. and I'm a girl who likes piercings and tattoos. I am a mean person a lot of the time, but in this situation I'm not.. if anything he's in the wrong for trying to change me.. besides the tattoos are mainly in memory of people, so it's not just pointless ink.

    • Well when I originally said compromise I meant like have him stop or get rid of something you hate and you'll get less tat or piercings. I'm not saying you have to become some kind of completely different person. But you make it sound like you're saying f*** you I'll do whatever the hell I want and that's now what a relationship is at all.

  • I do.

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  • He doesn't own you! and I think they look great on a girl you should do it.

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  • Well, while I agree that you should be the one who decides this, I think it also shows where you place your priorities, too. I mean, assuming you love your boyfriend, it should matter to you, if even a little bit, that he is uncomfortable with the idea of you getting additional piercings and tattoos. If he finds you attractive the way you already are, then it's not unreasonable for him to want to protest your changing your appearance in such a drastic way. I mean, what if he decided to gain 300 lbs, grow a mullet and stop taking baths? Sure, that might repulse you, but you wouldn't have a say in it, since it's his body, right? The fact that you're so adamant about your right to get pierced tells me that you value them over him. In a case like this, if you both valued each others' oppinion, then you would be willing to compromise...or at least discuss it. You sound like your mind is already made up, though, so either way, I'd say your relationship is doomed.

    My older brother pulled something similar to this on his wife on their wedding day: he showed up with his head shaved bald for the ceremony. Needless to say, she was a bit steamed...and you can probably see why, despite the fact that it's his head, not hers.

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  • collarbone peircings? you don't think that's a bit too much? why do that to your body?

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What Girls Said 7

  • I'm 100% with ya on this. My best friend's boyfriend is like that, too. He never wants her to die her hair, he said he'd be so pissed if she got a lip piercing. She wants to do these things, but wants to please her boyfriend, so limits herself. I don't think this is fair, if he doesn't like it, then oh-fckn-well, its your mind that he should be inlove with, not the skin you chose to do with whatever you please. If you switch the situation, and he wanted to shave his head or pierce his dck, would you be okay with it? If so, then I think you should go for it and to whatever you please with your body. If they don't like it, fck em. WOO MODS.

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  • I definitely think he has a right to tell you how he feels, and I'm sure you agree, but in the end it's all your decision. Do what you like, if he can't handle it, he can find someone else. You deserve someone who will learn to support you even if they disagree.

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  • if he doesn't accept you for who you are then find a better guy... but he does have the right to tell you how he feels.. also make sure that a tattoo is what you really really want.. cos if not, u'll end up regretting it a lot. wen you get older, the tattoo will look uglier and wrinkly... just saying.. be sure its what you really really want.

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  • you're right

    it is your body and you can do what you like to it :)

    i think that I have the right to give my opinion, but not to make them do anything they don't want to

    i would be fine if they went ahead with it :)

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  • that same situation happened to my roomates (they are married) She now has full sleves and two face piercings, and now that he sees it on her, he loves it! So...be yourself, if he loves you he will look past it or learn to love it.

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  • WTF IF HE HATES THEM HE JUST HAS TO DEAL WITH IT

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  • well it sounds like you like piercings and tattoos and if that's something your passionate about then he should def. be supportive of it...even if he does not like them but as you said its your own body and your decision..plus he shouldn't care about the way you look .he should care about the person you are

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