Is wanting to be attractive natural in women?

I mean, people, mostly other women (and no, not feminists) are always saying that wanting to look attractive to men is something vain and not the most important thing in life. But I mean, is it not instinctual? Of course we have other priorities in life, but is wanting to be attractive really "vain"? Even now that I'm single and not looking, I constantly worry about what men will think of my appearance, and when I was with my ex, I was constantly trying to look attractive for him, not to let go of myself, and if we were going somewhere, trying to look my best so that I'd look as good as other women there and he wouldn't be disappointed.

I know it sounds a bit pathetic that I'm that way, but I'm wondering is it not natural and instinctive? I mean, men have an instinct to look at attractive women, to procreate, it's ingrained in them, well, then it's only logical for women to look their best to attract good suitors to procreate with, right? But other women constantly criticize me for caring about my looks, they say I'm vain and insecure.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Of course, anything we do can be blamed on our instincts, that way we can absolutely shun off the responsibility of our actions and make all our thinking void, considering that by saying it was all there due to a subconscious information, you achieve absolutely nothing.

    It's in what you've learnt and think you're supposed to do. Sure, most people have a basic need to be accepted by others, but I think partially, that's also socially pressured "you need friends, you need a girlfriend" etc etc etc..

    By the way, you are "insecure" because if you were certain of your appearance, you would be in the belief of being attractive without being worried.


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What Guys Said 2

  • It's perfectly natural. If it wasn't why would so many women spend an hour doing their hair and makeup before they leave the house?

    Hell I'm a guy and even I want to be attractive. I want girls to oogle me and think about me when I'm not around. I want to be a guy that lots of women are attracted to, not just one or two. Yeah it may sound vain but I think everybody wants to be attractive.

    • I know, right? I mean I'm really average so I feel I need to put a bit effort if I want to be noticed. I see nothing wrong with that.

  • First of all, wanting to look attractive to others is a hormone thing. Second, the reason for the hormone is to secure a sexual partner, have babies and ensure the continuation of the human species. It's all basically primal.


What Girls Said 1

  • People will always try to bring you down in this life, remember that. I think that I would rather be vain then constantly judge other people around me like these women you speak of. We're all guilty of vanity at some point however, it is not the job of others to point this flaw out. If you started to let yourself go and try not to care about what you look like, emotionally what would you gain? You'd probably feel worse about yourself. These women probably feel very insecure about themselves, and\or their appearance. As long as you're happy keeping yourself in tip top shape, what should they care? I know what it's like to be in your position, just make sure to always keep your ego in check and don't worry about what the haters have to say. Hope this helps.

    • Yeah, I mean, I'm not even that good looking that other women would feel threatened by me or my looks. As a matter of fact, I take care of myself because I'm not that naturally attractive, so they have no reason to hate either :/