When to tell your boyfriend about something from your past?

If you've been with a guy for a few months, and you want to take your relationship to the next step - but feel like there's something that has happened in your life, when do you tell him? To be more specific, I was sexually 'assaulted' a couple years ago. I have come to terms with it and accepted it. I am NOT looking for sympathy. However, I haven't had sex since it has happened and I'm not completely sure how I'll react. I would like to tell him, but I do not want him to feel like it is his fault, or there's anything he could have done or still can do about it. I don't know if I should tell him before, or after. I don't want to make it seem like it still effects me daily, but I think he should know in case. I do not want to keep it from him, and have him find out later and be upset with me from not telling him. He's an amazing guy, and he makes me very happy. But I don't want him to look at me differently because of this. If any guys have opinions on how they would feel and what way would be best to tell him, they would be greatly appreciated! Thanks! :)


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Most Helpful Guy

  • "how they would feel"

    Say, he loves you very much, he may feel like HE was being assaulted, i.e. feels bad not only for you, but for himself. You are right, you need to be careful how you approach this.

    "and what way would be best to tell him"

    If you choose to tell him, you may want to search the internet on info. regarding how professionals prepare someone to take bad news. There are many natural diasters these days, earthquakes, mining accidents, ...etc. How do you tell someone their spouse/parents/children ... were killed?

    See if the steps below helps?

    1.Choose a comfortable setting where you both can sit. Create an air of privacy by closing the door, turning off the television and eliminating distractions.

    2Assess the other person's feelings. Does she appear worried, upset and suspicious? Does she anticipate this news or will it come as a total surprise?

    3Choose your words based on your relationship with the individual as well as your personal style. If the news is unexpected, say, "I'm afraid I have some news about . . . " or "I've just heard from the hospital."

    4Identify with the emotions that arise. For example, you might say, "It must be a terrible shock for you" or "I'm sure this is painful for you."

    5Listen to the other person; let him talk. Validate their emotions, but primarily listen and acknowledge.

    6State what you are prepared to do to help, rather than ask, "What can I do?" Make a reasonable plan. Be clear about your commitment and fulfill your promises.

    Source: link

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What Guys Said 2

  • He's going to be pissed as soon as he hears it. Not because of what happened. But, you say you've been with him a few months. Switch it around, and say he had something he wasn't telling you, and you thought he was being completely honest. How would you take it knowing he has kept something from you? Tell him before anymore time passes. And really, if you're getting the slightest feeling about wanting to be intimate with him. Don't wait until you get close to it, and you may freak out, and then you tell him. Because he won't know whether to take you seriously, or if you're just saying that because you don't want to have sex with him. Just a warning, this may cause an unsubtle trust shift. From where you may have had 100%+ of his trust, to under that because of how long you took to tell him. If you two have been climbing semi-steps in your relationship.

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  • don't tell.

    The past is the past and that's where it belongs.

    Hf in the present and look towards the future.

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What Girls Said 4

  • First off, what happened to you sucks and congrats for dealing with it. now do you really want to being this up? and are you really ready for his reaction? are you ready for him to break up with you if he can't handle it? I believe that you should only tell him if you really believe that he needs to know. are you going to tell every guy you have a relationship with? Unless you are marrying this guy, I'm sure you will date a few more guys before you settle down. so if you feel you need to tell this guy, then you are gonna have to tell every guy that you are in a relationship with. and something like what happened to you , I'm sure is not something you want to keep reliving. so I suggest you want until you thing this is going to go some where before you tell him what happend. he might not be mature enough to handle it and wait until you are 100% confertable enough with him to have sex.

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  • i have been through the same but it happened 12 years ago. I just now told my boyfriend and we have been together for 9 months. he was so sweet, and supportive and he cared so much. he was mad to At the person who did it to me, but never me because its not my faoult I was a child. so I think if you love him and trust him you know he qill be supportive. that's just me from personal expirince.

    hope I helped

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  • honestly, I think whenever your ready, and whenever you think you can trust him, and really when you think HE is ready for information like this, becase some people are not mature or just not.. hmm what's the word, sincere or passionate? enough to take in advice like this.. trust me, I know what your talking about, if you need to talk more about it, just message me

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  • B3 R3AL FROM TH3 JUMP N DONT HID3 ANYTHING B3CAUS3 IT WONT DO NOTHING BUT MAKE YOU LOOK LIK3 A ASS WHEN YOU GET THROGH WHATS DON3 IN TH3 DARK COM3S TO TH3 LIGHT AND YOU WOULD WANT T33L THAT PARTN3R B3CAUS3 ANYTHING...GNR

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