How do I get over a guy who has lied/cheated on me, and then accuses me

I have been with a guy for a year and a half, to make a long story short when he met me I was in a relationship and confused about it, we exchanged numbers and he pursued me until I agreed to meet him out, what followed was me thinking he was the greatest thing in the world and left my boyfriend for him, we started being together all the time and I saw that he fit perfectly to a narcissist/family, friends, me everyone was to blame for things not him. We would go to a bar and guys would look at me, he always accused me of craving attention but the truth is he would blame me for guys looking at me. 6mths in I see that his phone was locked with pass code and basically I just never really rusted him

about 4 mths ago he started acting different and not texting me as much,

i knew something was going on a I suspected it was a married co worker, after mths of stress I saw inappropriate pics of her on his computer. I would stop talking to him for a couple days and he will text me and I am just hurting so bad. this womens husband contacted me and I now know he saw the pics to, and they are headed for divorce because she is not showing any signs of remorse.

basically I know what is going on because I was that girl when I first met him, in a relationship. last night I had a melt down and called him telling him I loved him ad trying to make things better in that time he just blamed me for everything and absolutely did not care, also said I am making him hate me because I won't stop talking about her who he "has nothing to do with" (still lying)

I just need to know how I can totally forget about him and get over the betrayal I gave my all to him and I think for the first time I was in love, please help me I know I can find someone else but it is just impossible for me to think about anyone else when all I can do is think about what we had.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I think you need to sit down with yourself, and take a hard look at your life. If you are upset with a break up and heartbrokened, it means your not in a good place in your life.

    You need to embrace the one person that is most important in your life- you. Be happy, be happy that you no longer need a hurtful and cheating bastard in your life. Be happy that you are not that man who just realized his wife cheated on him and now has to go through the process of divorcing. Be happy that you can walk away and learn from this experience and become a more loving and happier person.

    This man has not only cheated and hurt you, but he has had the nerve to accuse you of wanting attention from other men and even blocked his phone and continued to pursue his coworker.

    Clearly, he lacks self esteem. He finds his natural highs in approaching taken women who are unhappy in their relationships and pursues them until they are his, and can't stand the sight of seeing you being beautiful while he remains unhappy with himself. He has shown early signs or being a jerk by pursuing you when you had a boyfriend. Clearly he had no respect for your relationship with your ex and once he had you, he no longer saw that you gave him the same high as you were when he was pursuing you as a taken woman.

    Take this as a lesson and gift. By this relationship ending, you can now pursue your life and begin to pick up the pieces that have been broken and shattered by his actions. Move on with your life, with a huge grin on your face and be happy that you no longer have to be with someone who doesn't respect and love you like you should, and who clearly doesn't have the same level and self esteem as you do.

    You are beautiful and young and full of life! Do things that make you happy- surround yourself with people who love you and truly bring happiness to your life. Pursue things that you would not otherwise pursue. Perhaps join a new club or play a sport you once did through community sign ups. Maybe join a gym. It is the new year of 2011- why not bring out the new you?!

    Give yourself a mini makeover- bring a guy and tell him to give you an absolute makeover- maybe a completely new style, short hair, and killer heels. Embrace being single, beautiful, and alive! Bring out that natural glow and work on your killer abs!

    You need to move on beautiful and enjoy life for what it has given you. This is a new opportunity to unshield the new beautiful you and to bring that beautiful natural glow to your face. I know it hurts, and it will hurt, but time will heal all. Everything happens for a reason, right? :]

    "love him for what he has given you, forgive him for what he has not"

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    • Yeah, do all that, maybe, if you want to. Except don't bother trying to forgive him. For anything. You can forgive Hitler too, but what good is that, really? He is SCUM, got that? SCUM. And it's not a lesson, it's a pain in the ass. Don't try to read anything more into it than is actually there.

What Guys Said 7

  • You need to change your thinking. Right now, you're associating him with all the good times that you two shared, which makes you miss him (even though you're actually missing the way that you felt around him and not actually him). So you need to associate him with a negative, which will anger you. Anytime that you catch your mind drifting and beginning to think of him, think of her face and the pics on his computer. Before you know it, you'll hate him as you should.

    You should also find a way to occupy your time. Maybe take up a hobby or do something that you've always wanted to do. Time really does heal all wounds, and before you know it, you'll have moved on and will be happy with someone else.

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    • Yeah, agreed, and don't listen to any of the other sick, vindictive, guys that have made their voices heard up to this point. You made a mistake getting together with this guy. A mistake, and that is all. And you have been given an opportunity to correct that mistake. You do not need to forgive the bastard, you need to stay the hell away from him, and you need to not get hurt any more. You also might need to leave town, or at least get out of town for a while. Very painful. Sorry.

  • To what I must say: HA...HA...HA. Serves you the f*** right. If you're going to start seeing someone else break off any kind of relationship you've had before taking ANY step forward with another person. Now you can know how your previous boyfriend felt. Karma's a bitch, get used to the idea.

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  • well the first thing I'm going to say is...you cheated on your first boyfriend with this guy, and most likely put your ex through a whole lot of hell. now your able to see what it feels like. I broke of an engagement for this very same reason, my fiance met another guy and allowed feelings to grow for him while I'm here in iraq suffering for her. You can't really feel bad about this one, knowing that you did the same thing just not even a year before. I hope you have learned, and won't end up cheating again. cheating and dishonesty are the 2 worst things a relationship can have. the only way to get over him is leave, and try not to think about it. there is no magic "get over this person" pill. it takes time

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  • Hey you started cheating on people first. By my book you deserve to get treated the same.Treat people the way you want to be treated that's the golden rule.

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  • Realize he's a piece of sh*t and not worthy of you?

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  • i think this guy is really very emotional & gets commited to people in sorrow. Try talking to him & decide your further course of action.

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  • As to your last sentence, yes you should think of what you had which was nothing. This is an old post, I hope you got rid of this bimbo by now? He sounds like an insecure little whiner that needs a good bitch slap up side the head.

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What Girls Said 8

  • FIrst off, I want to let you know that I know exactly what you're going through because I too have recently had problems with not being able to get over a jerk. I know that it's hard and knowing that he's a jerk doesn't even help. But I am slowly overcoming it.

    First off, NO CONTACT. While it may seem a bit cliche, it works. You won't get over him if you keep talking to him.

    Next, keep yourself busy. You need to go and meet new poeple, and new guy. Try having fun wiht your friends and doing funthings. It willl take your mind off of him.

    Lastly, it just takes time! While it may seem that you'll never get over it, he ISNT worthy of you and is a scumbag. Over time, you will be able to accept it more.

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    • TY! Helps to hear that I am not the only one feeling this way. Its been since I posted this and have not hd any contact, he has text me a couple times and I have ignored him. I still have very rough days but it seems it is getting easier! I hope you get over your jerk too! Its obviously their loss:)! Ty again

    • You're welcome! Exact same thing here, but it's getting easier and easier. Yeahh, it's so their loss. Cause there ARE good guys out there, ones that won't take us for granted :)

    • YES! ZERO CONTACT! And keep busy. Or out of town.

  • Consider this a learining experience on your part, and get away from this guy. Staying with him will be constant heartbreak and the day would come where he would dump you anyway so just leave and beat him at least on the leaving part.

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  • I know you are hurting inside because I have been cheated on as well. The best advice I can give to you is for you to keep yourself preoccupied -do fun things with your friends, work more, I don't know but it's going to get worse before it can get better. This guy is pathetic and you should do better.

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  • It will take time, it always does. Even if the guy was a jerk, you need time to get over him, you can't just turn your feelings off no matter how much he screwed up.

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  • First off, break up with the guy, he's not worth it, and you deserve Way better! And well hang out with some friends to him off your mind just go out and have fun.. Then maybe you could go find a guy, and before you actually go out with him.. Get to know him first, and don't get too attached to quickly, I'm sorry about all of this drama that's going on with you and him.. I hope I helped!:)

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  • psh, your young and beautiful and that guys a troll.

    he's like a sh*t you take: it's nice to be full, but better to be relieved. hahaha

    and yes eventually, you will feel relieved.

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  • he it is not your fault. tell him off and don't let him boss you around

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  • Pretend he died - always does the trick.

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