Cause they kindof look WRONG. And I am trying not to be harsh- but people are saying a lot of nasty things, and I just want her to know that, they wouldn't say it if she didn't come across that way. How can I be gentle in telling her that she needs to dress a little less skanky and a lot more like a the beautiful young lady she truly is?
Most Helpful Girl
Youth group girls. I hear ya as I work with the kids at my church, too. They are facing so much more in the way of peer pressure than we did at their age. There was one girl in particular in the group who is 9 years younger than me but she calls me her "Sister" which is sweet. She was wearing extremely tight clothing with the undergarment lines showing and everything. It was really bad. And the guys her age kept coming to me asking me if I could talk with her about it because it embarrassed them and they were having a hard time with it (kudos to the young men for wanting to help her not hurt her). I prayed to God for wisdom and grace with how to handle the delicate situation, and that He'd open a door up for us to talk in private about it, so as not to embarrass her.
The chance came, and I cautiously and humbly took it. I said something basically like, "You are a very sweet girl, and I always appreciate how much you care about other people and are so eager to help with things. I'd like to talk with you about something I'm concerned about, though. See, society today tells us we have to dress a certain way to get people to like us sometimes. When I was your age, I wanted to be in style and be liked by everyone, and there's nothing wrong with that. But I had to learn that sometimes the current styles didn't have my best interest at heart, and before I knew it, I was dressing in a way that didn't reflect who I really was. How you dress reflects to others how your heart is. Sometimes our clothes can say things to others louder than we can speak. If we dress one way that fits a certain lifestyle, we are telling people that's what we are. When I dressed in tight clothing, I didn't realize at first that I was sending the wrong signals to people. A friend brought it to my attention, and I learned how certain things I was wearing was affecting my friends--and the opposite sex as well. You are a very nice girl, and I want everyone to see that in you."
I showed her:
1) The positive things about her that I admired
2) She's not the only one going through the struggle of wanting to look good/attractive/in style
3) I went through something similar myself (I was showing her I was right there with her, not critical)
4) I want others to see her good qualities, too, and not be blindsighted by her sending the wrong signals
5) She had an inner beauty that God gave her that Satan wanted to hide behind what the world calls "attractive".
We both shed tears in the conversation, after all who likes to come face-to-face with reality? But in the end, she did begin dressing well, and she is becoming an even more beautiful young lady.
I pray all goes well with the situation! If there's any other way I can help, feel free to ask.0