Are guys intimidated by me or are they just not attracted to me?

OK so here's my story. I have very low self-confidence, I never had a boyfriend and never kissed anyone. But the thing is everyone I know has at some point told me I am attractive. they tell me I'm beautiful, I have amazing style, I have a perfect body etc. Especially girls, for no reason at all. They just come up to me and say it. Guys however, only certain guys do, most of them tell other people I'm attractive and I find out from them. But the thing is I never get asked out, ever. Am I intimidating, I mean I find that hard to believe, I don't think I'm THAT attractive but a lot of people do and I'm very confused what can I do to make this better because I'm very shy, I don't think I can ever ask a guy out so the only way I can have a boyfriend is if they approach me and they never do!


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Your problem is the "very low self-confidence" part, not your looks. We are lead to believe, in popular media, that great looks and a hot body trumps everything, but it simply is not true.

    When you have low self-confidence it permeates your being and your interactions with others. You will have unattractive behaviors because of it. Usually for women that means you are very hard to approach. Women lacking in confidence are timid and struggle to have conversations with others, especially prospective dates. You usually are not comfortable with eye contact, and you cannot hold much of a conversation for long since you are usually too busy considering what the other person thinks of you and trying to figure out what you should or should not say. Super unnatural and not fun to talk to.

    What exactly you do and how it affects your ability to establish relationships with others, well you can probably explain some of that, but I bet you would be surprised at what you don't notice and catch about your interactions. The reality is that are putting up invisible walls that are preventing others from approaching you. You don't think you are deserving of love, you don't get it that someone would find you amazing so you protect yourself from the potential rejection you imagine you will get instead.

    You first need to work on your confidence. It won't come from others telling you that you are great, or attractive. You already get those comments and you still don't feel good about yourself. This is about you falling in love with yourself, finding yourself amazing. If you do not love yourself and accept yourself, how do you really expect others to connect to you? Work on your confidence (look for books on the subject, google for it, ask about it on here) if you want to get to that first kiss. It's not like you need to become super overly confident, just making regular small steps in that direction will make a big difference. Good luck.

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What Guys Said 4

  • Stand in the guys' shoes a minute.

    If a guy is checking you out, would he think you want to be approached? Girls force us to read their minds and take our chances, so we expect at least some hint on whether the light is green or red.

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  • Most guys get discouraged by attractive girls because most of them already have boyfriends. They are probably assuming you do, too. If guys are saying you are attractive to other people, I doubt they are lying. Maybe you should somehow hint to them you are available, like adding them on Facebook so they can see "Single" relationship status?

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  • If that's true then they guys are probably just intimidated by you. my only suggestion would be to start conversations with guys, which could be hard if your shy, but start with something simple like just saying hi, I know if a pretty girl just said hi to me I would be working hard to keep the conversation going. Try not to be too quiet though, they might start to think your just not interested

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  • i feel the same way. cept you have it easier because you're a girl. like one of the guys below me said...if all you did was say hi, any reasonable guy would be busting his balls to keep the conversation going with you. they'd be thinking "oh sh*t...pretty girl...okay think...say something...witty...QUICK!"

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What Girls Said 1

  • You sound like how I was, found out I was putting out a "bitch/ don't f*** with me" vibe. I was more into school and getting my life together rather than going out to bars/clubs. No one in college ever asked me out. Be confident in who you are and realize what's more important to you, guys or your future. To get over the shyness factor, find a guy who does the same hobby/activity that you like, you'll be in your own element and much more confident. Try just starting out with a hey or hi to get the guys attention and then a conversation might start. Good luck.

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