We were out together and we ran into an old boyfriend. Well just by looking at him I can tell he is a douche bag (style of dress and talk). She told me he cheated on her later that day and he basically used her for sex. Now when she told me this I told her I was breaking up with her because I think I can do better then have that guys leftovers. I guess I basically lost a lot of respect for her I know this was a mean way to break up, and I probably should have waited a few days to handle it better, but has anybody else had this problem. Losing a lot of respect for your partner immediately
I really did like her but I can't play cap'n save a ho I just can't play that role
i don't understand why my feelings don't count.. I am a good person and I will not give you the shirt off my back but I will give you a clean shirt. I can not and will not sacrifice my own personal happiness for another person.
also why is my decision messed up. if you are not going to hold a persons past against them then should all the things I did to get to the position I am currently in also be withheld. I look at the whole person and well this is to big of a mistake.
its not like she had a drug problem. that's a mistake but you are doing it to yourself. you are not introducing a d*** into your body. I guess I would be OK with it if the law allowed me to physically assault him to reestablish dominance
that however is not legal and well if I was to stay with this man I would never feel good about having a lesser male f*** my girl. maybe the rest of you are p**** bitch men, I however am not. go digest more of your modern feminist bullsh*t
continue to have you balls replaced by tampons losers
since she dated him for a long time, I would like to ask you females if you would marry a man that has seen many prostitutes in the past.
I love to see how all the girls here are bashing the guy for dumping a girl he saw as having very little self-esteem, so low self esteem to suck the d*** of someone who probably doesn't even shower, yet girls happily walk over guys with low self esteem (ooops sorry, in case of guys we don't even talk about that, we say just insecure needy pussies, wimps whatever), saying how much they HATE (yep) pushovers and wimps and guys without cojones. So let's say you're boyfriend tells you that fat ugly woman with greasy hair and dirty nails was the girl he was staying with even though he knew she was even cheating on him. what would you do? double standard ladies eh? I back the guy and yes I've instantly lost respect for a person and yes I probably would have had in your case too. It's not only a matter of respect for her, it's a matter, wtf, this girl sleeps with such a lowlife d***head, she must be giving it just to whoever, so I guess I'm probably the first available, how much can I trust her to not be cheating on me as soon as I'turn my back or as soon as the relationship gets slightly rocky because of her lowself-esteem and craving for (ANYBODY) attention?
My jaw actually dropped when I read this. I think you have jealousy and control issues. You can't throw a rock in this world and not hit a woman (or even a man) that hasn't been used by someone, for sex. Usually, women like the guy they're with, and don't know they're being used. Douch bags are good at being charming and manipulating women and when you like someone you want to believe what they're telling you and hope for the best, we have a tendency to be blind to flaws, fault and abuse, when we are into someone or in love. She confided in you and you crushed her. You're no better than him, the way you handled things. That was callous and harsh. I actually HAVE dated a man that used to go see prostitutes. He had a sex addiction that he had been going to therapy for for years and had a handle on his sex addiction. He was an awesome genuine person, probably the best guy I've ever dated, but we just didn't have that spark. He's now married with a new baby and runs his own successful business. We are still friends. He was honest and upfront with me and I valued our friendship all the more because of it. Maybe, in your next relationship, you should let your partner know, right off the bat, that you do not wish to know her sexual history, as this seems to be a sore spot for you and you may not be able to get over the image of someone you care about with anyone else. I think this girl you were dating is better off without you, although you probably made her feel cheap and low, when she already had been made to feel like that by the treatment of other guy. Hopefully she is a strong person and will get past how you handled things and won't let it affect her trust next time she decides to date someone.
Wow, you're blaming her for the way her ex-boyfriend treated her? You're comparing her to a man who has sex with many prostitutes? Now who's the douche bag? She didn't pay this guy for sex, she thought she had a legitimate relationship with him. You have no idea how he acted around her when they were together to make her trust him, so you can't just assume that everyone can tell this guy is an asshole.
I think you've done her a favour, though. No woman should be treated the way you've treated her, but she'll get over it and find someone who deserves her. Maybe later on down the line you'll mature a bit, but until then I doubt you're going to have much luck in love.
Wow... glad you dumped her - she deserves better. Sounds like she has poor taste in guys (so guess what, that makes you about as good as the last guy she dated)
1) Almost every girl you date will probably have dated/had sex with at least ONE other guy - it's REALLY hard to find a virgin, and if you care about that so much then you are really shallow.
2) So what if some guy's d*** has been there? It's not there now, no trace of him is left, come on.
3) A girl dating a douche bag who cheated on her is not the same as a guy having many prostitutes. I would compare it to dating a guy who dated an alcoholic loose sorority girl (and my current/only boyfriend did and I don't care one bit). People make mistakes.
To each their own... if that's how you really feel then by all means do you. but don't post what you did and ask for responses that you are not ready for then get pissed off at these people for telling you what they think of you... after all you did say yourself that it was a mean way to break up...for me... I really don't care if you are that ignorant and want to let go of a good girl because of her past then that's your loss whether you see it that way or not.. I'm not going to sit here and TRY to belittle you the way you did your girlfriend because that would put me on your level but that was a douch bag move you should have taken a few days to think about it prior to jumping the gun and breaking up with her because your "pride" was hurt. Let me ask you this... what if she had not told you and just said "oh yea that was an ex... really long time ago but what can I say I was young and dumb and I'm glad I have you" would you still be with her? and if so then what you are really saying is that "i break up with girls because they tell me the truth" and how long had ya'll been together? I think there are some underlining issues you may have that you should deal with prior to getting into another relationship... everyone has a past... whether they tell you or not... skeletons exists in EVERYONEs closet yours included. didn't mean to be rude by any means so take it as you like... Good Luck w your future relationships or lack there of because as I said everyone has skeletons... :)
I am 100% with you on this. I don't say go through all of your new girlfriends all of their exes and find flaws in each man but I can understand how you felt when you actually saw the douche bag and it is human nature to see something disgusting and puke and don't want it anymore. This is exactly what happened to you. If I saw a hoochie walking down the street and my new boyfriend said this was his longtime girlfriend, which f*cked up weave, hoochie attitude and outfit on, IM GONNA RUN. BECAUSE THAT TELLS A LOT ABOUT THE MAN IM WITH NOW.
You dumped her because he cheated on her? ASSHOLE. I hope you're penis gets closed in a drawer. My boyfriend knows my ex cheated on me, it happens to everyone. We've been together for a long time now and we focus on OUR relationship, not his or my PREVIOUS relationships. Grow a set of f***ing balls.
For the last question, yes, if he got his sh*t together. The past is what shapes us for the future. Everyone has done something they aren't proud of, but normal people use their mistakes to better themselves. And no, all the good things you've done should be accredited for, but character comes from failure and the means you use to redeem yourself and gain success.
You seem so threatened by this douche bag guy. He will never be half the guy you are, so I'm still tryna figure out why he's such a huge issue, becuase this has nothing to do with the girl now. It would be different if she cheated on you with him, then yea you have a right to be angry. Why does this guy bother you so much?
And I think having a loser's d*** in your body for a temporary time is much less severe than an addiction that could last a lifetime.
Kind of ..mean. No offense...it's just have you slept with another girl before? If so, then isn't it the same thing?...and the prostitutes thing...umm idk..if I knew right off the bat, then I would run far away from him...but this is kind of different...and I have dated a "ex player" if that makes sense...before me,he got around..I didn't know tis until I developed feelings for him ofcourse...But, when it comes down to it, people make mistakes..nobody is perfect. but, anyway, good luck with that.
I can admit to losing respect for a guy based on women he's dated. But I give him a chance. I can say honestly that was the most immature douche baggish thing I've ever heard of anyone doing. This is going to sound extremely pretentious to you but I couldn't care less because I'm mad at you right now. I am a model, I am going to be working on a grad degree soon, I'm one of the easiest girls to hang out with according to my guy friends... but I admit to having dated a complete weasel of a man who treated me like sh*t from 18-20 years old. His friends even hated him. But there is always a different side they show the girl and they are likely very manipulative. It frikkin happens. Typically it happens at a time in a girl's life when she is not secure in herself, where she feels like she can't do better. But I bet you a million dollars that she learned from that experience and will recognize the signs of a truly bad guy next go around.
Anyways... next time you have to do that have some decency and just distance yourself from her if you are that turned off because of a DUDE. And get over yourself.
hmmm, I don't know about dumping her so suddenly, only because every chick will be some guys leftovers, even your wife one day. It's interesting you labled her as a hoe just becuase of the type of guy he was, and from the sounds of it, he probably manipulated her like every other girl he'd taken advantage of. No doubt he put a lot of hurt on her in doing so, she probably was looking to you to refresh the idea that a decent man can love her right. Everyone makes mistakes and gets screwed over by other ppl.
Now, the situation would be different if she had more of a slutty past, bouncing around from the douche bag guy to multiple other guys, then that's understandable why you'd lose so much respect.
It was not her choice that he should cheat on her. You are not judging her on her past, you are judging her for random circumstances she has no control over. I agree on that point, the past should be taken into consideration, but only conscious choices. If my boyfriend got robbed tomorrow I wouldn't blame him for it?
I wouldn't mind a man who'd been with many partners, as long as he was single and not cheating while doing it. Experience is a good thing.
As to dominance, he's lost and you've won, she chose you over him didn't she? In her eyes you're better.
If I were her I wouldn't take you back tho, no offence but you seem volatile my friend.
Are you kidding me? You're not a man, you're a little boy. Get over yourself already. Not drawn to a girl who was used? Wow, I'm pretty sure if she knew what was happening she wouldn't have LET it happen. Can you get any more idiotic? I don't think so. And you can't do better, but she definitley can considering she just got done dating you.
Allright first calm down! I know you're pissed you should be but that's not the answers you're looking for! So... If you like her so much go find her and talk with her about that! Tell her everything you wrote us! Make her understand how you felt when all that happen! I'm sure that when you make her listen to you she will understand!
Ok girls and generally women sometimes are freaking bitches and they don't care for anybody else except themselves but they're human too and they tent to be really emotional at times! When a woman gets stressed you never know what's gonna be her reaction... And what happen to her(your girl) wasn't something nice or simple...
All I'm saying is go and talk to her and make her understand why you are pissed and try to find a way to make things out!
I'm really sorry about my english but I'm not American so my english are really poor!
She made a mistake in dating a douche bag. She was trying to do better by dating you. And you hold it against her? Nice...
I hope someone holds you responsible for the stupid things you've done in your past or will do as a young person. Then throws you out to the curve for it. Then you'll see what you have done.
There's a difference between losing respect because she herself is a douche bag, ie. cheating on you and losing respect temporarily because she was an idiot (ie. dating an a hole.)
You should take a look at the person as they are NOW not as how they used to be. Would you like me to judge who you are based on who you were at 6 years old? Because if I did, you wouldn't ever get married or have kids or have a decent job... a six year old can't do jack sh!
COME ON, ALL YOUR ANSWERS TO EVERY COMMENT ARE NEGATIVE, ALL YOU ARE DOING IS TRYING TO CONVINCE YOURSELF YOU DID THE RIGHT THING BY FINDING AN EXCUSE FOR EVERY COMMENT, SO I BELIEVE IT ALL COMES DOWN TO 2 THINGS:
1) GIVE UP, AND STOP WORRYING IF ALL YOUR ARE GOING TO DO IS NAG ABOUT HOW YOU CANT BE WITH HER AND HOW CONFUSED YOU ARE.
2) OPEN UP, AND CONSIDER AT LEAST ONE OF THE LOGICAL SOLUTIONS ALL THE LADIES ARE GIVING YOU.
ITS NOT THAT BIG OF A DEAL, ITS UP TO YOU IF IT KILLS YOU OR NOT.
well if you really though you couldn't play that role you wouldn't be worrying about this.
Why is this really the girls fault? all she did was being a good girlfriend (what is what you should rely on) we obviuosly make mistakes sometimes on choosing our boyfriends but choosing a jerk is just a mistake, that doesn't make her a jerk!
I understand what you feel, but who cares if the guy is a jerk and doesn't know how to treat girls? why would you want to compare yourself to comeone like that?
Put yourself on the girls shoes...
dont be so harsh, everybody makes mistakes, you should be glad she realized it and found you.
Wow. I think making an impulsive decision like that is a really terrible idea. However, I can't judge, as I am also an extremely impulsive person. However, for her sake I think you should have waited to break up with her. I'm sure it is not an easy thing for her to deal with (the ex I mean) so you breaking up with her right after she told you about it was not exactly the nicest thing. If you were with her, you must have cared for her, and therefore should have given her the respect of waiting and thinking about it.
Having said that, I don't disagree with your decision to break up with her. I don't think your reasoning is the greatest, but if it was going to affect your view of her that much then you can't be with her. I don't think that it is fair to be in a relationships where you have any doubts, and you clearly would have.
honestly, this post makes you sound like a huge douche.
She made a mistake and she was admitting that to you, but you're objectifying her, you know that right? You're totally being Misogynistic. This is 2011 sir, and so yeah, girls are gonna have sex and yeah, they're going to make the mistake of dating/sleeping with the wrong guy. I'm sure you've slept with many sub-par women, so what if a girl dumped you because she found out you slept with a girl she found to be less of a woman than her? You would probably NOT react in any kind of positive way. You're too proud, you won't find a girl who hasn't dated a mistake and you need to get over yourself, but I'm sure you'll read this and pound your chest in a show of primitive male dominance, type out your testosterone fueled response and go.. fight some equally repugnant alpha-male or some other activity to prove how SUPER MANLY you are. I don't care if you respond, I won't read it, I hope you grow up one day sir, I really do.
as long as she didn't cry over you it's fine. You don't seem like you're worth it. And while I may kind of understand your twisted reasoning, you could've handle it better and treated the situation as an adult would. You have a lot if growing up to do and you really should get over yourself. You're not great.
I agree that it sounds really stupid to someone who sees a situation like hers as clear as day and thinks that if someone ever cheated on them, you'd have handled it differently.
But that also shows that you either never had confidence issues or never cared enough about someone to get so involved that things are NOT black and white. Sometimes you find someone is so important to you, you are willing to believe their lies.
This girl would have treasured you for treating her properly. She is one of the few that would have seen the true value in a guy like you (this only applies if you're not a douche btw).
Tbh, in my eyes you just have a general lack of empathy and a bit of a cocky world perspective (I haven't met any guys that aren't like that) and didn't really like her or respect her in the first place. I think you're actually better off without each other.
hmmm there's a lot of reasons for an against this debate, but yeah instinctively I think that's a jerk move.
"if you are not going to hold a persons past against them then should all the things I did to get to the position I am currently in also be withheld. I look at the whole person and well this is to big of a mistake. "
She wouldn't have been the person that you liked if that wasn't part of her past. Character building events aren't always positive ones.
wow I have never been shocked to read something as insensitive as that! You have insecurity issues and that girl should run for her life from you! You did her a favor.. HUGE favor! She can do better then a judegmental insecure little boy. You are not a man. A man can deal with women having a past. Boys can't which lol obviously you are. wow what a jerk.
From the looks of it, you seem to want a girl who is obviously waaaay out of your league. The girl you seem to want, would unfortunately not be attracted to a guy so arrogant and shallow. If you keep this up, you'll end up a lonely old miserable man. No offense. :)
Also, I think you just have commitment issues. You date a girl for 5 months and break up with her over the past?! Something else is going on, honey.
has any girl ever used you? played you ? ...and if you had a girlfriend , would you want her to break up with your stupid a$$ after you tell her how badly that person hurt or used you ? dude you are heartless
WOW that is pretty low of you to judge a person based on their past actions. I have a lot of respect for her for getting out of that relationship and knowing that he was just using her.
I know girls that have lost their virginity to guys using them and they were in love with them because they were naive. Well they aren't naive anymore and see through BS and I respect them for growing as a person. You aren't going to be happy because every girl and guy has someone who has dumped them, used them, etc. We live and learn :)
i hate to do this to ya but as a guy that considers himself a nice guy since te 1960's I'm going to disagree with you. everyone and I mean everyone makes mistakes in life. making assumptions is one of them. being a christian I'll give you some examples :
jesus said there is no one perfect all have sinned and come up short in gods eyes this includes even christians because we are not perfect either and can sin.
some scribes and saduccess brought a harlot (prostitute/whore) before jesus and ask what should be done to her jesus made a simple statement "he who is without sin be the first to cast the stone in the stoning to deathg of her. jesus began to write in the sand each and every sin that the mwen there did its says finally when all had left jesus said where are your accussers she said there are none sir. jesus said I also condem you not go and sin no more.
another time the scribes where asking him about who would enter the kingdom of god (bleiving themselves to be righteous.jesus admonished them saying prostitutes would enter before them .
what prostitutes entering the kingdom before these self righteous scribes and teachers of the law.
what am I saying get the log out of your eye before you make judgements on people because with what standards you judge people by is how you will be judged also. lets see how do you think you'd fair if people judged you by those self made standards.
please do call jesus something other than lord I'm sure he'll take it into consideration when you try to enter.
as far as I'm concerned your atitude sucks here and you'll never be in any long term relationship with your atitude as is. that girl could have been the best thing going for you yet you lost it because of that thinking and atitude.
are there girls out there that might deserve it maybe . but your not their judge by any means or way. and in my opinion your as flawed as you think she is .
No, I haven't, and that was mean! What changed? Maybe she realized the mistake and picked you to correct it with! I'm sorry, but I wouldn't have felt like I was in that roll. I'd be glad she was with me & determined to show her how much better she had now...
god the more I read of you your really a douche. jesus. if anything you did her a favour. you saved her from another self righteous pompous arogant puffed up fool. You are full of yourself and full of disrespect for girls. I am sure you never followed your feelings instead of your brain.
Haha even a p**** bitch could kick your ass most likely. I'm not one but I could most likely easily beat you in a "battle for male dominance" as someone like you would probably put it. I'd own you physically, mentally (already have several times throughout this convo), and emotionally. And that means, according to your thinking, I get to bang your girl. What a douche bag bro. Now all that aside as I've stated before I think your making all of this up just to get people commenting, which is brilliant I might add if your just tring to stir people up. No one could truly be this logically emotionally and socially retarded.
i've done something like this. her previous 3 relationships were with dirtbags of various sorts - unemployed musicians and artists or such (i'm an accountant...) - all of whom treated her like total sh*t and took advantage of her. it made me question her judgment to a high degree, and even if she really liked me - given that she obviously had some kind of badboy/dirtbag attraction and I've moved past that stage a while ago. so yeah, I broke it off.
oh yeah, and the way you can tell someone is not "over" whatever happened in past relationships? they talk about it with current or prospective partners.
Yes, when an ex told me she had been two-timed in the same hotel room on the same bed, on the same night, with them both in the room. And she chipped in for the hotel. I was like "Ew See ya never, pig!"
Probes a d*** move, but hey live your life brah you obviously did what you wanted too
Hmmm. . . Interesting. Did you know she'd had sex before? Would you be cool with it if you liked the guy who gave it to her? Would you be cool with it if SHE liked the guy who gave it to her?
Because if the only problem is that she had sex, then there's an EASY solution! Just date girls who have not had sex. Problem solved. You can figure this out REALLY early in the process so you don't need to waste a lot of your time.
you should of told her to blow you right in front of the dude
Sounds to me like you're the only p**** bItch man here! You're too damn full of yourself to know a good thing or how to treat a woman, and if you couldn't take the truth you shouldn't have asked! Like Metallica said, "WHERE'S YHOUR CROWN, KING NOTHING?"
Dude you're the biggest idiot I've ever come across in my life. This is just a stupid thing you did and I have to say she's lucky you left because if any girl knew you did this, forget about having a good girlfriend ever again lol. you're absolutely pathetic for making that choice.
Yeah... Unfortunately... I met a girl, super hot, super sweet. And then one night about a month in we're talking and she tells me how I'm so much better then her ex(she dated him 2 years before) and she really really likes how I treat her and really wants us to work out. It was really sweet and took a lot of courage but it sucked to hear it, especially since I really really cared about her. I lost a lot of respect. I can understand it being a deal breaker. It sucks. I'm still glad she told me though. Oh and to any girls reading this always be honest with your guy because he'll appreciate it. even though it hurt and I lost respect we worked through it and we just had our one year the 15th=D. It won't hurt him if he doesn't care and if he cares a lot he'll work through it. Also don't try a sexual come on to make it better, it works when you burned the supper but not with this lol.