Help me figure out this wonderful/complicated girl

I've known this girl for over a year now. We have been friends like we would see each other at school and I would drive her home sometimes. She has a very bubbly personality and she's friends with just about everybody girls and guys - to the point that its impossible to know what kind of relationship she has with any of them. She is also definitely not shy about showing affection to her friends like showering them with hugs and saying "I love you" to everybody which baffles me to no end because then the phrase just looses its meaning.

Eventually I got to know her and started to develop feelings for her which I kept secret but recently she asked me to go to homecoming with her. That was a night of mixed messages but by the end of the night I realized she still thought of us as just friends. This spurred a reaction in me that confused me it now feels like I'm in love with her and I finally worked up the courage to tell her something to that effect (love is a strong word for me to use we're still in high school). Her reaction was amazement and asking if I was drunk because she'd never seen this side of me before (this was over the phone). I convinced her otherwise because I wasnt drunk and she said that she was too good for me and I wouldn't like her if I knew her outside of school (which in my moment of boldness said was a load of sh*t and she agreed that maybe it actually was) and that she had been really stressed lately and had to think things through. so I'm giving her space now but we still kinda hang out at school and it seems like we may be closer friends now (she wears my senior picture in her ID lanyard and says that she "loves it") but in the back of my mind I still want an answer because it kills me everyday knowing I could be with her. Its just so confusing because I've never had feelings like this for a girl and I sure did choose a complicated girl to have them for. Any thoughts on what I should do next? Sorry for the long question!


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Most Helpful Girl

  • she said she was too good for you? or did you typo and she said that YOU were to good for her?

    this chick sounds extremely familiar to me, because I've been in that exact position with a guy before. I loved him to death and told him I loved him and we hung out and had a blast, but then one day he dropped a bomb and said he had serious feelings for me and wanted to know if I was as interested in him, and it terrible, because seriously, as much as I may love the hell out of a guy, I am a serious COMMITMENT PHOBE. it's terrible, like I can be practically head-over-heels for a guy (even a guy-bff) but once I know that they have the same feelings for me, I freak out and feel like I wouldn't be able to be that girlfriend figure that people expect when they're in a relationship. so, this could very well be the same case with her, as much as she may like you, she could have a commitment phobia, or maybe she loves you to death and wouldn't want to f*** up a great friendship over taking it to the next step. either way, don't let it get weird with her, and don't get defensive with her (thats what happened with me). I wish that my guy had just walked up to me and been like "listen, I told you straight up how I felt about you, and for whatever reason you don't want to be with me like that, then it's cool, I love you regardless, just lemme know what you want!" it would've made the situation SO much better. so my advice, say that to her ;)

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What Girls Said 5

  • Elaborating on what I said before, sometimes girls play games. It's not that they're intentionally trying to be a b****, it's just what they do subconsciously to make the relationship more well earned and worth while. It's what I do anyway. I know when I like a guy I have to not lead them on because I can't handle a straight out relationship like that, and I get scared that the guy will only fall for me because I have fallen for them.

    Maybe she's scared of the relationship. Because you're such good friends, maybe she has feelings for you but just can't imagine it, and she's scared that a relationship will ruin the friendship (as much to a guy's dismay, that's what girls think!), and that's why she's holding back.

    However (and yes, there's always a however), she could genuinely not be interested and only see your relationship as friends, which is why I believe, for the moment, you should let her have her space. You won't really know how long that'll be, unless she starts talking about another guy, which is when you remind her of your conversation, reassure her that you were certainly not drunk, and kiss her, being unafraid of the consequences because, if she does fall into another relationship, the friendship will only be ruined as a result because you'll be really jealous, right? (in other words, you'll have nothing to lose).

    Now I don't think I can think of much more advice to give you than that, but ultimately it's your own choice and your own life and nobody can make your decisions for you. Hope it helps!

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  • take it from someone that's used that excuse before, its not because she actually means it(she might mean it a little), but its just an excuse to say you're not my type, and I'm trying to put you down easy. I mean I'm probably not as popular as your friend, but I think I know what she's thinking. its really not your fault either, its just she maybe just wants to stay friends with you and a relationship might ruin that. so find someone who will accept your feelings and return them, and don't dwell on it any longer because you're look back at this and wish you hadn't wasted so much time on just one girl. trust me, you're better than that!

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  • Okay, in all honesty--and in true movie style-- I think you should just walk right up to her, grab her face in your hands, and kiss her.

    Seriously.

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  • You should talk to her about your feelings because if you keep it in you are going to regret it in the future or just try to find someone else that is less complicated because those people might bring problems in your relationship in the future.

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  • if she said that she's too good for you.id forget about her.

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What Guys Said 1

  • My first instinct is to ask: who else are you dating? If you're spending a lot of time figuring a girl out, you're probably giving her too much of your attention. She looks like a girl who won't commit quickly, so you're going to have to back off and be patient. And nothing makes you patient for a woman like another date.

    How much time are you spending alone with her? If she likes you, she's going to make it easy to spend time with her, and when you're with her, she'll be sending good signals. If neither of these are happening and you're trying to make it happen, that's a bad sign.

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