What do you think of my freestyle?

Just wrote this down, would you call it poetry?

The sound of water flooding the glass.

The computer fan whirring.

The screens glow.

No whispers or kisses. No love.

No reassurances of how things will be.

The only embrace being that of a lingering darkness.

The following syllables emulate my heartbeat.

A click, a sip, a bump.

Blackness.

Whimper.

Silence.

Alone.

Me.

Updates:
How do I love thee?

I love thee in a way that

But for one, words cannot explain.

I love thee in a way that

But for one, acts cannot show.

I love thee in a way that

But for one, my dreams do not exist.


A shot at shakespeare-style

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Most Helpful Girl

  • The sound of water flooding his glass

    Drowns my whisper to his ear

    "You are not alone"

    If only that fan could blow harder

    Make my dark hair flow to his cheeks

    Screen glow brighter

    Lighting up my face in front of him

    He could see me

    Unrequited love

    It is not dark

    I am light

    Lingering where he hasn't looked

    The following thoughts escape my lips

    Pleading:

    The glass is full

    Put it down

    Take my hand

    Follow me

    My heart

    Listen...

    Nothing.

    Click.

    Dark.

    Step.

    Slam.

    Sob.

    Alone.

    Me.

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What Girls Said 5

  • Great, you just made me really sad. Thanks dude :P

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  • I think both are beautiful although I think they're more poetic than freestyle.

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  • It's beautiful, but bloody depressing.

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  • Not quite Shakespeare, but not bad.

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    • Pfft if you want shakespeare I'll give it a shot

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    • I don't see the point anymore, I shan't write another verse!

    • What the hell? How did this turn into getting ganged up on?

      I said your poetry was decent, and I meant it. The truth is, everyone gets better with practice, and with practice you might even become publishable. I in no way said your poetry was bad.

      Oh sh*t, everyone hates me already, why do I bother?

  • i like it, tho make it a little more smusshey ;)

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What Guys Said 2

  • it seems more of a stream of consciousness rant than anything

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    • Isn't that a popular form of poetry?

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    • @ update: I like your first one better

    • You'll enjoy both and like it!

  • Nice

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