I remind her of her father?

I've been dating this girl for almost three months now, and the first two were great, easily as good as any other relationship I've been in. Before things got serious though, she told me she had depression, but I was really into her and it didn't seem like a big deal at the time. She's very guarded about her depression, and we've only talked about it briefly, but from what she's told me about it, I know that one of her triggers is her dad. Her parents split up while her mom was pregnant because her dad was having an affair. Her mom moved back to where her parents were, and her dad moved to Texas, so obviously she's never seen him that much. We both graduated from high school this year, so he came back for the weekend about three weeks ago, for the first time in at least a couple years.

I didn't meet her dad while he was in town, but if my girlfriend was hoping for some sort of emotional reunion, she didn't get it. One night after having dinner with her dad and his family, she called me to come pick her up, quite upset. Since he left, she's been very quiet and withdrawn, with no enthusiasm for anything. Since she doesn't like to talk about it, I've tried not to pry too much. Tonight though, I asked her if she was okay, because she doesn't seem to be coming out of it at all.

She told me that she had realized while her dad was here that she was done with him because he wasn't going to change, but that I reminded her of him a lot, and that that was making things hard. Apparently I have a lot in common more in common with her dad than I do with her, right down to the shoes we wear. She also thinks that we don't agree about a lot of things.

Eventually we got to the topic of whether or not we should break up. She asked me first if I had ever thought about it and I told her no, that I really liked and cared about her and that she's been better to me than any other girl I've dated, so I had no reason to want to break up with her, which is the truth. When I asked her the same question she said that sometimes she felt like we had rushed into things too quickly, and that she has issues that she needs to work out herself. I asked how she felt the rest of the time, but she didn't reply. She said that she wanted to sleep on it, and that we would talk about it later. She kissed me goodnight twice so I guess that was probably a good sign.

I think at this point it's probably too late to change her mind one way or the other, but just in case what should I say to her when we do talk again? I really do like her quite a bit, and I would like to work things out if she's willing to.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • well she's probably afraid that you'll cheat on her like her dad did to her mom. just assure her that you're a completely different person, and the shoes you wear have nothing to do with whether or not you'd cheat on someone

    tell her that you'd be fine with slowing things down (if that is the case), because you want her to feel comfortable in the relationship, and you want to do whatever you can to make sure it works out

    and tell her that if she's having any problems, you're her boyfriend, and you're there to help her

    then pick your favorite romantic comedy, and quote a few lines that relate to this situation

    • Thanks for the answer. We ended up going out last night and talked for about three hours. We did break up, mainly because she felt like her depression was getting the better of her and she wanted to get help for that. We both wanted to be friends, so there isn't any animosity between the two of us, and I think we're both hopeful that maybe things will work out in the future. It doesn't really feel like any other break up I've gone through, but I guess there won't be many break ups I have where we

    • both cry, hug, kiss, and hold hands on the way back to my house so she can say good bye to my family. We were both a little worried about what we were going to tell people because she's very private about her condition, but I guess that's something I need to figure out. She was on Facebook when she went home, because she commented on one of the pictures of us at prom, but she didn't change her relationship status so I'm a little confused about that right now.

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