I asked out a girl. I think she's pretty, but she's PRETTIER because she seems like such a great person. I'm sure some people would find her "average." But I'm not quite so concerned with what they think.
I've met a lot of people in general (it tends to be the more physically attractive people, but 'average' and "ugly" people can be horrible too) who have, on the surface, seemed really great. Then when you get to know them, they show more of an ugly side.
The problem isn't so much with the nasty ones who are obvious about it. I learn pretty quickly to stay away from them. No harm, no foul. I just hope I don't have to deal with them much.
The problem is with the "pretend" people. Those that seem genuine, until they snap and show what I believe to be their true ugliness. Like many, I have trouble wanting to fully trust those who may be truly kind because I've been burned so often in the past that it's now become an issue.
Now there are many reasons why a person can be nasty or awesome. True, it is in part due to upbringing and personality. But, maybe there's something else.
I was emotionally and physically abused as a kid, by a person who anyone outside of the family would be convinced the was a Christian version of the Dalai Lama. People would defend his abuse to the end, maybe because they refused to believe it. He was a great actor for the most part, though he did slip and show the ugliness outside the house a few times. He was one of those fakes, and was good at it. And I got hurt.
Why did he choose this path? I don't know. Frankly, I don't care. No excuse is enough, so I have to choose to either learn from it and improve my life, or become like him, and generations before.
So, will this cycle of abuse continue? So far, there's a big no (thank god). It seems like I'm SO different from the past mindset of certain members of the family that I don't think and don't react in any way like them. And I'm glad. And I think in the future, others will too.
Some geneticists would argue "survival of the fittest" and that attractive people breed attractive children who do better. Are we unintentionally cutting down on the rate of abused children by choosing people who are just kinder? It's an interesting idea.
I suppose that it's difficult to figure out all the answers. I can't give you anything definitive or concrete, other than the advice of not letting it get you down.
You can always find something to be frustrated about. You can use that to do good, or you can let it get you. And if you let it get to you, then you risk becoming like them. It can be difficult, at times to see those ugly-on-the-inside people winning, while the good people seem to lose. It still gets me down sometimes. It can happen to the best of us. But you know, we win in different ways.
We may lose the battle, we may even lose the war. But we at least can take a good stand and let others know that a kindhearted genuine lifestyle may actually be worth living for.