Single and married Guys- question about physical attraction?

i'm at a lose here with my boyfriend now. when you get in a relationship with someone, when does physical attraction start to matter less? do all guys think it will always matter? do you just want the girl you first started dating physically? my boyfriend says that it still matters for me to look like I did back when he first met me but that was 4 years and a pregnancy ago. I find that to be crazy because in 20 years, even guys go through so many physical changes so why would it matter? people get old and wrinkely and bald or grey but my boyfriend says that every guy is like this. I always thought that physical attraction is what brings people together but not stay together. can I get a guys perspective on this PLEASE! I don't want to think badly of every guy on the planet but if it's true then I don't ever want to be with another guy. I'm only human and I don't have the money for plastic surgery so I'll be changing in the years to come and I have enough anxiety taking care of a baby. please, all answers would be great.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Physical attraction will always matter, but personality starts to become more important further down the road. Initially, I really think we are all drawn to our based physically, and once the infatuation phase is over is when looks are not as important as personality.

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    • are you married or single?

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    • but if she did have kids would it matter if her body was completely different from before?

    • probably not

What Guys Said 3

  • If you are married, try not to let yourself go. That goes for both sexes. It's better for your health if you both are of average weight. For most people, attraction becomes less important the more years a couple has been together. They develop a deep, mutual respect for each other. However, if your husband is fairly good looking, then it's a bit harder to say.

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    • he's been the same since I met him and that's his arguement with me. I however gained 50 lbs then lost 35 and was stretched everywhere to have our baby. I feel I have a right to feel angry about how he wants me to be and he doesn't. I don't ever think I can be what I was before and I would like acceptance of that. not being told that he should have what he wants.

    • It is in the vows: for better or for worse. I'm not saying that you are fat, but he should accept you as you are.

  • He doesn't expect you to find a magical potion that stops aging. What he does expect is that you'll keep putting in the same effort you used to to stay in shape and attractive.

    Physical attraction looses some importance over the years, but staying physically attracted to and attractive for your partner is important.

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    • if you read, he wants me to be exactly what he first saw when he met me. that's never going to happen. my belly is so stretched out from having his baby, I have way too many stretchmarks from that, and I never get the time to work out, get my hair or nails done like I used to, and I can't fit into any clothes that I used to wear. how do I keep up with what he wants when I will never be that ever for the rest of my life? it confuses me so much, maybe you can explain better?

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    • he's said some pretty hurtful things for a few years now like before we had a baby about how I need to lose weight and back then it was only 10 lbs. like I can have a hot ass like my yoga instructor if I keep working out, he's not going to have a fat girlfriend, I'm not going to let myself go if I have kids with him, the reason why we don't have sex is because I'm gaining weight, I should go to the gym, and why can't he have what he got with. those are just a few things.

    • OK in that case he's a douche.

  • I'm married. I accept change, but it matters. I want her to look as good as she can, and I'll accept what cannot be.

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    • i feel like my boyfriend isn't like that but thanks for your answer. it make sense to look as good as you can but also to accept at the same time. compromise sounds better.

What Girls Said 2

  • this is my greatest fear :S

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    • its a real one though. but I guess I just picked a winner because all the guys that answered say as long as you try, that's all that matters. so they can't all be bad

  • Guys fall in love with their eyes. They can grow affection for you, but their primary emotional response is based on looks. I think most guys will appreciate if you are putting in a good effort. Only an idiot would expect someone to get plastic surgery and all that. But staying fit, making an effort to dress nice and do your hair nice = probably one of the top 5 things for a guy to feel love.

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    • Girls fall in love with their eyes too!

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    • thanks that makes more sense

    • Also, he should be expected to stay fit and well groomed for you too! No letting the fingernails get grubby or expecting to eat friend chicken and veggies while you're eating veggies. :)

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