Attractive people tend to end up with less than attractive people? Your take on this?

Hey there,

So, throughout my adolescent life I've heard quite a few people generalising that usually attractive men/women have a tendency to end up with a partner who is 'less' attractive than they are. (I put 'less' in inverted commas because really that view is subjective to each person).

Perhaps this is a result of relationships they observe in real-life, to which I have witnessed too among the couples in my social circle. Or, it could be from celebrities: eg: Heidi Klum with Flavio Briatore, Catherine Zeta Jones with Micheal Douglas, Hugh Jackman with his wife, and Tom Welling with his wife just to name a few. This list was compiled based on what I've read through people's discussion about this topic on various forums.

Do you or do you not agree with this generalisation? What's your own personal take on it? Do you know any couple that fit the description? Why do you think that this is so, because opposites attract?

Thanks!


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Where do you live? The large majority of what I've seen is that people end up with people on a similar level to them. That generalization in your question doesn't make much sense at all and I've never heard it before.

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    • lol...it's not only where I live...if you go read up on the net there are people discussing topics like 'hot girl with ugly guys' or 'hot guys with ugly girls'..thats how I compiled that list of celebs...im not saying that its all true, that's why I'm asking for opinions whether or not other people think this is the case...

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    • I found these three articles, but couldn't find the study results that I read before. The articles do leave out some other changing factors, like how online dating is much easier to "approach" women. But it does address that underlying behavior.

    • thanks for going through the trouble of finding them...i gotta say, very interesting :)

What Guys Said 4

  • People get partners based on their internal value of how they value themselves.

    And each persons value is determined by themselves not what other people say or do to them.

    And because of this every person is going to choose a partner based on how "cool" or "pretty" they think they are.

    So if a woman feels she deserves a hot guy or a guy feels he deserves a hot girl then he/she is going to get one.

    If he/she doesn't end up with one than that means he/she settled which ultimately means he/she didn't feel worthy.

    And the other rare reason this happens is because either the man has dated a ton of hot women and felt they were too much trouble/maintenance. Or that he has found that being hotter than the girl means that he always feels that he has the upper hand in the relationship.

    Same goes for women.

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    • so u're saying if someone didn't think they were attractive, they would just settle with someone not attractive? so personality has got nothing to do with any of this? I mean, that could also be the reason why some attractive people who consider themselves attractive end up with maybe less than attractive partners with great personalities..

    • Its not that they don't they that they aren't attractive is why they settle, its an overall internal sense of self worth.

      Women will end up with men who have "power" which comes in the forms of confidence, money, height, humor, and dominance. Which have nothing to do with looks.

      Men on the other hand typically go for looks. The reasons people don't end up with what they want is for the reasons I described.

    • arlight..i see... good point... :)



  • In any given match, unless you would "rate" both exactly the same (which I think would be rare, or statistically unlikely), one will always be better than the other in terms of attractiveness. This has nothing to do with the fate or attracting power of either, I think, but a logical result of most humans being different from other humans.

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  • Most couples aren't perfectly matched in terms of attractiveness, but for every attractive person with a less attractive spouse ... well their spouse makes a less attractive person with a more attractive one.

    Even if a couple is perfectly matched at one point, they probably won't always be. I hate to say it, but a couple who are equally good looking at 25 ... at 50, he'd probably be 'better looking' then her, in the sense that he could date someone more attractive then her at that point, more easily then she could find someone more attractive then him.

    That's a minor detail, but the point is, people rarely match 'exactly'.

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  • Well the first thing is that not everyone are on the same level of attraction scale.

    But what I really have noticed is that damn often attractive girls end up having ugly/nerdy/overly skinny/overly fat boyfriends. That is weird!

    But there's another thing.

    For some strange reason many genuinely attractive people are unaware of the fact they're attractive.

    And often they have lower self-confidence they should have or they're insecure about things no-one else notice! So they rarely try!

    But many ugly people are so damn assured of themselves, so they're go-getters, even if they get rejected a lot, sometimes they succeed.

    As for girls, attractive ones are often bullied and slandered by other girls out of jealousy so they may end being friendless, and other guys are just too scared to talk to them, so that also impacts their perceived(not real) self-worth.

    So they lower their standards for those reasons.

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What Girls Said 5

  • This sort of thing was covered in my Psychology A-Level and it is a typical trend. It is by no means the case in all relationships but a distinct pattern, especially in long-term relationships.

    I'll summarise the reasoning various studies found. When someone is in a relationship with a more attractive individual, they feel lucky and priviledged so will do more to keep the relationship going. They tend to be a lot more emotionally involved and do all they can to please their partner. From the other side, an attractive person may like being with someone less attractive than themselves because there's less competition. The less attractive partner is less likely to attract anyone else, avoiding them being tempted away by someone else, especially as they already have such an attractive partner. The two sides then complement and encourage each other.

    Like I said, this is not always the case but a general pattern found. Make of this what you want as there were people in my class very cynical of the findings but I have personally seen this to be the case just looking at some couples.

    Hope that helps. :)

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    • This was very informative, especially coming from a psychology point of view, to which this issue is related to. Thank you very much! :)

  • Well logically if you re a perfect 10 in looks, if you want to find s partner of equal beauty you have very limited options. And Like another dude said, unless we all marry our exact equal in beauty there's always going to be a more attractive one.

    + you re only taking physical appearance into account in you definition of what makes someone attractive, humor, charm, manners, fame, intelligence, money, integrity won't make you "hot" but they will make you attractive...

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    • yup..thats true, I do believe that one of the reasons that this is happening is because what the other partner perhaps lacks in appearance, he/she more than makes up for it in their personality department... that's why they are attractive in their own right...

  • If attractive people end up with unattractive people...then wouldn't it be the same as unattractive people end up with attractive people?

    If A=B, then B=A. Right?

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  • Idk where you got that info but it's a false generalization, how do you explain, Brad & Angelina, Miranda Kerr & Orlando Bloom, Katie H. & Tom C., Peter Facinelli & Jennie Garth .?

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    • lol..generalisations don't have to be true, just like people generalise blondes as dumb, but they're not (well, at least not all of them), right? That's why I asked you peeps for your take on the matter...so, I take it you don't agree with this.. okay... :)

  • This is interesting, it could be that the attractive people don't care as much and in their eyes that person is attractive. Also, I wonder sometimes, whether the more attractive person chooses not to date someone prettier than them or their equal, because that will take the attention away from them?

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