Why is everything about looks?

The question is really somewhat rhetorical I suppose...

First of all, let me make it clear that I of course understand that the first impression is important. If someone is extremely handsome he does appear differently than a utterly hideous person. And at first it's impossible to tell what someone's character is like. Fair enough.

But I think it goes way beyond the first impression stuff or anything like it. Here are just a few examples:

Me: "I have a new girlfriend, we met at uni."

Other person: "Is she hot/ what does she look like/how tall is she"

Girls talking about a random guy: "Ohhh he is so handsome!"

Does it matter if he's cool/interesting/intelligent/funny etc.? Not at all.

It seems to me like people begin relationships almost completely based on looks. This just baffles me. I fully understand that you have to be attracted to someone and stuff. But why does someone's character play such a small role when it comes to relationships and such? Why not at least try to find out if two people share the same interests?

And no, I am not hideous or anything. I have no problem with my looks and several girls have called me handsome. What I do have a problem with is however how freaking superficial everything is.

Just for the record, I first talked to my later girlfriend because she looked interesting. But I only started dating her after talking to her for ours and finding out that she is simply an amazing person.



Most Helpful Girl

  • It's just social conversation...Character is everything but it's easier to say so and so is cute in conversation than go in depth on their personality... personality is more..personal. I don't want my friends to know about the heart and soul of my S/O until I am ready to tell them. Plus it would sound weird to go on about "his heart is so big" etc lol. We usually may add he's nice/funny etc. but looks or job or whatever superficial just fits into convo better but its not what we look for because quite frankly I don't care if my friends find my boyfriend attractive or not


What Girls Said 6

  • I agree with you and have often wondered this myself. Of course looks are important, but sometimes I feel they are everything to some people. I ask myself sometimes, does this guy even appreciate that I'm smart, kind, and have a good sense of humor? Would he have dated just any girl who met his looks requirements and I happened to cross his path? It's sad how superficial people can be.

  • i would rather make out with a good looking guy than an ugly one. if I don't know u, the first thing I see is your looks. a guy not being attractive is like STOP, DO NOT PASS GO. yeah he could be cool as hell, but if I don't find you attractive there really is no point unless we're just gonna be friends. no offense but don't you think your being a little holier than thou? would you have dated your girlfriend if she looked like gabourey sidibe? (google her)

    • Way to completely miss the point.

      It's not about first impressions/attractions being important. It's how it seems to me that basically 90% of what people care about are someone's looks. As in, "you broke up with her? but she was so hot!" or "why didn't you start dating her, she is beautiful" -- as if being hot was the only requirement for being in a relationship with someone

    • As for my girlfriend: her looking interesting was of course a major reason for why I BEGAN talking to her.

      But her being an extremely interesting person with a great character was the reason for why I made a move on her and am in a relationship with her.

      Unlike many others I would never date someone solely for their looks.

  • we're genetically wired to choose mates who are more likely to provide us with healthy offspring. People generally seen as "attractive" have qualities that our brains recognize as being conducive to high fertility rates.

    • Thank you, but I was aware of that. What I wonder is why other traits that are also quite important (even in the biological sense) are so utterly neglected. Further, other traits are *apparently* also quite important (otherwise people would never break up with their gorgeous partners). But despite that, those other traits -- e.g. intelligence, humor/wit, fidelity etc... -- are utterly ignored when you talk about whether others are "worth dating" and such.

    • Show All
    • They eventually do play a role (otherwise people would never break up with their significant others). But in choosing a partner at first or talking about him with others, looks are basically 99.9%.

      When really it should go like this:

      1. find someone attractive 2. get to know him/her 3. go out with them if their personality fits as well

      Unfortunately, for most it's like

      1. find someone attractive 2. go out with him/her 3. notice that their personality sucks -> break up

    • thats not how I or anyone else I know does it.

  • I agree with you. But it's human nature and I don't think that there is anything that we can do about it. I have always believed that you shouldn't judge just by looks.

  • Idk, but it sucks.

  • I think it's based on what we are told in the media and how relationships are protrayed. Good looks can only get you so far in life..


What Guys Said 1

  • Every thing is about looks because the world we live in is actually a very sallow self centered world it's not about the looks that count it's who they are on the inside that really matters if your dating some one just for their looks then I don't see the relationship having any merit to go very far at all, it's love that builds the foundation for a relationship not looks.