It's not my looks? It's my intimidation? What does that even mean?

Hi,

My name is Ari and I'm almost 19 years old. I have never been asked out by a guy in my life, but I have been told by many gentlemen that I am 'pretty' 'beautiful', but I do tend to reject all notions on my looks because I don't personally feel that way about myself. (who does?) So I'm guessing it's not my looks factor.

But I once asked a guy why he wouldn't date me and then continue to ask other guys as well just to get an understanding with what was wrong with me. They all said one thing in common, that I was 'intimidating' and that's why they didn't want to be with me. I don't understand. Can you please help me be less intimidating? How can I be less intimidating? What does that even mean for a guy in reference towards a girl? Gentlemen, please help me.


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What Guys Said 2

  • It is VERY common for men to be intimidated by beautiful women. Guys automatically assume that if a girl is beautiful, that she is constantly being hit on by other guys, many of whom are "better" in some way that he is. By "better", I mean, better looking, or wealthier, or more popular, or better connected, etc. This makes the guy feel unworthy; if THOSE guys couldn't get her, why would he stand a chance?

    And there IS a basis for these assumptions, because many beautiful girls DO use their beauty to manipulate guys, dismiss guys, or as leverage (to get money, gifts, influence, status, etc.). Most guys have been rejected by beautiful women for these reasons in their past, so they are reluctant to take a chance on another one (you, for example) because they believe their chances of being rejected are very high. In other words, they see you as being "out of their league". There are at least a dozen "coming of age" movies based on this theme (including "She's Out Of My League" from a few years ago) if you need more on this concept.

    Realize that most mens' biggest fear is being rejected by a women he likes, so most men only risk rejection when they are fairly certain they have a good chance of hearing a "yes", because that rejection is so painful to them, and so damaging to their ego. And a beautiful girl has lots of options (at least, a guy imagines), so what can he offer her? That's the concern.

    The solution is either for you to take the initiative more. Either learn to ask guys out yourself, or if you simply can't be that bold yourself, at least learn how to give a guy you like, who is obviously interested in you, a lot of POSITIVE attention. Go out of your way to talk to him, stand closer than necessary, tough his arm when you talk, look into his eyes and smile, etc. And make sure you do this ONLY with that one guy, so it's clear to him that only he receives this attention. That will send him the message that you are also interested in him, and will help him gather the courage to make some kind of a move (talk to you, ask you out, etc.).

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  • Guys get intimidated by woman very easy. We think...in other words, oh man, she too pretty for me, not a chance. She's gonna end up leaving me for a better looking compatible guy. Very pretty girls need to let the man know that he is so hot or handsome so he doesn't feel that way.

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