How do you deal with feeling ugly or inadequate?

Whenever I get to the point where I start to feel pretty or attractive and really believe that I am, I usually end up stumbling along a picture of a really pretty girl (obviously way more beautiful than me) and feeling like crap again. It's weird because I know that guys have been attracted to me, but where I've never had a boyfriend before I always feel like it's something to do with the way I look and I always question why guys are interested (like, there are pretty girls than me, why are you choosing me instead of them?). And it's frustrating and really knocks my confidence. How do you deal with this?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • To me, personality trumps looks by far.

    Beauty is transient; and there is nothing worse than a girl whose confidence is entirely built by her appearance because as time goes by her sense of self fades with her beauty and she will become troubled and feel worthless. You've seen examples in literature, like Blanche in Streetcar Named Desire, Amanda Wingfield in Glass Menagerie, and celebrities who desperately try to validate their self worth and turn back time by going through one botched plastic surgery over another. I know it's difficult to ignore the social pressures especially at your age, when we are most self conscious about our appearances. But this IS true: many guys are actually attracted to a beautiful, stunning personality and confidence; I know these girls who are only average in their looks but have amazing personalities and truly know how to make guys laugh-- they are the ones who have plenty of guys crushing on them.

    Also, appearances can be damaged and altered in once second-- imagine suddenly contracting vitiligo or other types of skin diseases, or getting yourself trapped in a fire or car accident.

    Just be genuine, and don't interact with guys with your current mindset; just think of interacting with their souls and NOT their physical features. If you learn not to focus on their physical appearance but their character and personality, maybe you can do that for yourself too. Also, STOP critiquing yourself. You're your worst enemy right now-- you keep destroying your own self esteem! And as you said yourself, guys had been attracted to you so you really shouldn't have anything to worry about. (I myself never had a boyfriend either and am pretty sure that no guy in my class is crushing on me, but oh well :P)

    I bet you're the type that refuses to accept compliments, no? I used to do that too, I refuse to believe it when people compliment me and say something like "stop being so sarcastic, you know that I'm (negative adjective)" But once I started saying thank you genuinely, I feel a lot more confident and happy with myself.

    As for improving your appearance, Just remember that sleep and water are your BFFS. drink lots of water and your skin will glow with radiance. Also, it doesn't hurt to work out and improve your health. :) Find a style of fashion that you like and flatters you.

    Sorry for blabbering. I hope this helps a bit :P

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What Guys Said 4

  • Find ways to become more attractive, of course.

    It's the only productive way to deal with it.

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  • Listen, its totally OK to feel what you are feeling. What you have to understand is that you shoulnt get super confident or super unconfident. Find a middle ground on how you look. Please please don't compare yourself to girls on the internet or in magazines. Women in real life are much sexier. That girl that smiles at you and flirts with you is way sexier than any supermodel. And chances are guys see you most attractive when you are most confident. But all guys are different!

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  • Go shopping and get something to wear that's really cute and will make you feel better about yourself.

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  • Stop being ugly then

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What Girls Said 5

  • Every girl has their ugly days, you're not alone. But if it's gotten to the point where you feel helpless, you can't just sit there and expect things to change. Work on yourself and your self image. Teach yourself how to apply makeup and put up your hair. Take care of yourself by eating better and exercising. Exercising makes your brain release dopamine, serotonin and noradrenaline (which are the 'feel good' chemicals.) At the end of the day, look at the mirror and tell yourself that you are beautiful. That's how I deal with my 'ugly' days. I suggest you try it :)

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  • There will always be someone better than you, and there will always be someone better than the person who is better than you.. etc. To feel inadequate because of that is silly. You kind of have to figure out what makes you different, and instead of seeing those differences as abnormalities (or inadequacies) you should embrace them. There's more to a person than how they look, and people (most often than not) are attracted to someone on a deeper level than just how they look. So, if you've never had a boyfriend it might not be because of how you look but how you present yourself. Maybe you just come off uninterested because you're self conscious about how you look.

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  • I think makeup and hair goes a long way. Also if you've got a nice body, it really helps. But maybe you're more pretty than you think? I mean, it is hard when you feel unattractive. I have bad skin and dead hair haha. Its even hard for me to put make up on sometimes.

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  • Just because you find the person in the picture to be beautiful doesn't mean everyone else will. In fact I bet many men in the world would prefer your beauty over the girls in the picture.

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  • Write down all the thing you like about yourself. Then when you get to that place of insufficient feeling ... refer back to it.

    I mostly read Bible Verses to help me. John 3:16, Romans 8, etc.

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