Why is being fit a put off to girls?

I don't understand. when I was scrawny and thin 6 months ago, girls were a lot more friendly to me and now that I'm fit because I started working out and work a hard labor job, I can barely get two words out of girls.

Just so you know, my face is nice, I've had girls tell me to my face that I'm cute or hot so it can't be because I'm ugly. And I'm not like steroid big, more like swimmer body now.

Should I just go back to being thin?

Updates:
okay ...didn't know guys hate on other guys like girls hate on girls.


look my approach is fine, I can get girls in that manner if I need to, but I'm talking more about normal social interactions. like work or going to the store. There is a reason why I put this in behavior and NOT flirting. I'm just asking if it would be easier on me in general social situations to just lose the muscle.


I try very hard not to be a d-bag and at work I find that if I wear 2xl shirts people are just nicer

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Most Helpful Guy

  • If you had listened to the advice on this board (if you had been a member) many people would have told you that working on being a buff musculature type can be counter-productive. It can be off putting to girls, even though they can find you attractive.

    Ironically, you need to be even better at your people skills than the thin guys. You have to really excell at putting the girl at ease, and making her able to relax around you.

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    • Not hating on you dude - I can respect anyone who gets fit and stays fit in this age of the Too-Fat-to-fly fatties like Kevin Smith.

      But the fact is, a buff body is intimidating for many women. Not necessarily because of fears of roid rage or whatever.

      Would it be easier in social situations, if you lost the muscle? Yeah, probably. But ideally, you wouldn't cater for their insecurities by losing something you worked so hard on. You'd just work hard on something else - the people skills.

    • youre right bro. id rather stay top 10% physically than go back to the lower 90%.

      only thing that sucks is that too many men challenge me now especially when there is a pretty girl in the room. it is seriously annoying to put someone in their place if they confront me to my face, but I try to walk away most of the time before it gets to that point.

    • I have to agree with Anon, and his comment!

What Girls Said 7

  • Hi! I think they are just intimidated by your new you or they got shyer and afraid to look stupid in front of you. :) Talking to a fit man is intimidating. :) But its better. :)

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  • Maybe they're just not used to the new you yet. And when someone looks good, sometimes you just get a bit flustered around them eh :P

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  • :x I doubt being fit is a put off, it must be something else that they gather from that look that they might associate with something bad (no idea what though, your guess is as good as mine).

    Maybe you were easier to approach being thinner? The girls felt secure to approach you?

    Be what you want to be, but be fit and eat healthy.

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    • It's probably just an authority/power thing where the girls shy away.

      I wouldn't suggest being thin because I like bigger guys? lol

  • I'm guessing you just look intimidating which discourages people from approaching you.

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  • I like toned guys but not buff like super muscular

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  • maybe you got too cute! ;) probably you have to approach them now and make them happy for talking to them . . ! don't worry, give a smile and let the rest come ...! good luck! :D

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  • I think it's just the macho stereotype. We know it's bad to make generalizations but we also have really awful experiences with douchebags who tend to all look alike... so it becomes an avoidance kind of thing.

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What Guys Said 9

  • They don't want a buff guy apparently. But they don't want a guy who looks like he is annorexic. so to say, they want something in between, so I'm guessing average. I wouldn't put to much effort trying to figure out what a woman wants.. they're usually not to sure themselves, and it changes like their emotions.

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  • They might be intimidated.

    If you can work past that, it'll be an advantage.

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  • If you're TOO buff they think about the douchebag stereotypes when looking at you.

    Sad but true...and unfair. Douchebags ruined the perception of the beefy-man look. :-X

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  • honestly through out it all if found that girls never know what they want. so do whatevers gonna make you happy

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  • i've never heard of a woman say no to talking/flirting with a fit guy before...swimmer guys rule man lol.

    don't go back to being thin!

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  • intimidation my friend

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  • You're probably just more intimidating. Now they look at you, and instead of seeing a harmless brother-type, they see you as a sexual object that's desirable and probably out of their league. They're flustered and scared to death of rejection, and that's going to cause them to hang back and not approach you.

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  • Because that's how women work:

    They want a guy with muscle...just not a lot of muscle

    Sucks bro, I started lifting in high school for sports, after I was able to lift 300 lbs and such, I looked like a tank. And girls refused to talk with me like they did freshman year when I was weak and tiny.

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  • It's probably something wrong with your approach rather than your appearance.

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