What do I do now that I've accepted I'm ugly?

I've been fighting it and have been chasing that ideal image how I'm supposed to look. Now, I'm just tired and I've accepted that this is the best that I could look -- and it's never going to be the ideal standard of beauty.

For a while, when I was in college I became somewhat attractive - my acne kind of cleared up, I lost weight.and I really put a lot of effort into becoming better to the point where it consumed my life. I developed an eating disorder and have become bankrupt to maintain my face. I've never really dated anyone because I'm too scared that they will find out about this.

So, deep down, whenever I got compliments about my looks, I never truly believed it because I knew how I TRULY looked without makeup and without the nice clothes. And I knew what I was doing to myself.

So now, I've sort of accepted what I've done to my self and what I look like (my skin will never be as beautiful and my body will never look as good as other girls) and I'm trying to pick up the pieces.

My looks has consumed me for most of my adult life so I just want to ask: Where do I go from here? What do I do next?

Please be kind with your responses. Thanks!

Updates:
I am blown away by your responses and just your genuine concern. Thank you SO MUCH for actually taking the time to reach out to a complete stranger and share your insights and experiences with me at a time when I'm at my lowest. You have no idea how your responses have touched and helped me.


I know this may sound corny but some of you guys really restored my faith in humanity. So, THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart!



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Most Helpful Guy

  • I guarantee you the past 12 years of my life were more difficult than yours and I struggled with similar self esteem issues because I was raised with an abusive older sibling who called me ugly everyday. I could've accepted it and believe what was said to me, I could've ignored all the compliments I get from women, I could've given up, but I didn't so don't tell us you're accepting a place/perspective on life you're not happy with! There are healthy ways to have a sexy body and sexy skin without going towards a disorder. Life can be so much better but you have to believe that instead of accepting a whole bunch of negative stuff. For now, forget guys, forget people and go to work on yourself, inside and outside. Go to therapy or seek counseling to deal with your inner demons. The thoughts you have about yourself are destructive and you've got to change them if you're going to move forward in life. Therapy is great and everybody needs it at some point in their lives. If you're in college, your university might have free counseling. A nice body is easily attainable if you have a passion for working out. I'm in the gym 6 days a week and am in better shape than the grand majority of men and women I run into but I'm addicted to working out and being healthy. A commitment to working out is what will change your body. Healthy skin is related to your diet. If you're eating crap, that's what your skin will look like. Drink lots of water, stay away from sugar and greasy food, exfoliate your skin every night with a loofah and put real aloe gel on your face every night before bed (you'll have to invest in an Aloe Vera plant, uber cheap). Do that and your skin will be incredibly better. That's all I got for now, sorry if I sounded harsh, sometimes people need to be snapped out of their state otherwise they won't believe what people tell them.

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    • Thank you for covering the behavioral aspects. All pretty sound advice and good reminders for the rest of us as well. It's just so hard to find a good therapist! Guess I'll have to settle for the gym.

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    • I am blown away by your responses and just your genuine concern. Thank you SO MUCH for actually taking the time to reach out to a complete stranger and share your insights and experiences with me at a time when I'm at my lowest. You have no idea how your responses have touched and helped me.

      I know this may sound corny but some of you guys really restored my faith in humanity. So, THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart!

    • Aw you're welcome! We all pass through trying times in our lives. Ultimately, all we have is ourselves so we have to learn to love ourselves which can be a difficult process, so don't ever embrace the idea that you're ugly or worthless because you're not! You're more beautiful and worth more than you give yourself credit for, remember that next time you're feeling down. If you ever need someone to talk to, don't hesitate to shoot me a message :)

What Guys Said 1

  • First of all thank you for making a man cry who really doesn't ever, EVER cry anymore.

    Now change your mind and refuse to accept that lie you just put in writing. Here's why:

    I want you know deep down in every fiber of your being that your natural beauty is not defined by basic aesthetics. You don't have to worry about whether or not your face or your body is good enough for the rest of the world.

    What's inside your heart when you are loving someone, helping your friends, or doing something nice is the beauty you need to focus on and nurture. Not the shape of your body, but the contents of your heart. When you're happy with you and you find someone who's happy with themselves you will know you're on the right track.

    My wife and I are attractive to each other physically but not necessarily to everyone else in the world. Far from it. I think we are both actually quite average or bellow average to the average onlooker. The point is, I don't care. And neither should you care about what the average person thinks about your appearance.

    What you think is important, however and that will take some time to nurture back to health and proper perspective. But stick with me a minute.

    For me, a woman has to have "It." My shorthand for total inner beauty that matches my own.

    "It" for me is an intangible that transcends all physical appearance. There is no describing "It." There is no getting around "It." And there is no denying or losing "It."

    "It" encompasses the entire package and cannot be put down on paper, described in writing, drawn, sculpted, or painted appropriately. A woman either has it or she doesn't. And what works for one man or woman doesn't necessarily work for anyone else.

    Many women can have components of having "It," but my wife is the only woman in the world who has the whole "It" wrapped up in one person for me. If you work on your inner beauty, you will be more receptive when the right man with the right "It" comes along for you as well. And don't be surprised if your outer beauty doesn't start improving when your inner beauty has an opportunity to shine more often.

    The inner beauty I'm talking about is very real. It is something you may recognize someday in someone else and if you're truly blessed, they will recognize that inner beauty in you too.

    When that synchronicity occurs, the match needs to nurtured and attended to by both parties on a regular basis, so that your ability to see "It" in the other person stays in focus and doesn't become blurred.

    Suffice it to say: beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

    > Perhaps I should have just said that in the first place <

    You are probably actually a hottie and you don't even know it. But that's not my place to say. Someday someone else will I'm sure.

    Make sure your inner beauty is polished up enough to believe them when you meet that person.

    God bless you and good luck.

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    • I am blown away by your responses and just your genuine concern. Thank you SO MUCH for actually taking the time to reach out to a complete stranger and share your insights and experiences with me at a time when I'm at my lowest. You have no idea how your responses have touched and helped me.

      I know this may sound corny but some of you guys really restored my faith in humanity. So, THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart!

What Girls Said 4

  • I read bits of it. ANYWAYS! Don't do this to yourself!

    Please!

    Please!

    This is only going to hurt your self-esteem worse because of what you are dwelling on.

    Walk through this fire, but don't let it burn you.

    Go through this flood, but don't let it overflow you!

    You are exceptionally special indeed!

    There is no one like you and God has numbered every hair on your head and put your tears in a bottle, are they not also written in his book?

    Please seek Jesus and accept him into your life. Take up your cross daily and follow Him, seek Him!

    I know who I am in Christ Jesus. I am a child of the most high King, a peculiar people, a royal priesthood, an ambassador of Jesus Christ, a princess of the Everlasting Father, the daughter of the Prince of Peace, the King of kings and the Lord of lords. I am a jewel in heaven. (And no, I am not stuck up, I only say what the Word of God says about me).

    You can be apart of that, in paradise everlasting.

    Please feel free to message me anytime, okay my dear.

    May the Almighty bless you and keep you and make His face to shine upon you and be gracious to you in Jesus' name Amen.

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    • I am blown away by your responses and just your genuine concern. Thank you SO MUCH for actually taking the time to reach out to a complete stranger and share your insights and experiences with me at a time when I'm at my lowest. You have no idea how your responses have touched and helped me.

      I know this may sound corny but some of you guys really restored my faith in humanity. So, THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart!

    • Thank you and you encouraged me as well :) This world gets me down. But my Jesus lifts me up. Message me anytime my dear :) And I give all glory to God, it is not me but Him working in me and using me, I give Him all the glory.

  • well I think you can't deside how the world sees you and hide away. You might think you are ugly but what you see others do not.

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  • Stop buying so much crap and focus on other, nonphysical, parts of you and your life to develop on.

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  • Well, now that you accepted it; embrace it. At a certain point being ugly won't mean anything to you and you will just live your life unconcerned about what others think.

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